Bob Owen

2011-05-16T21:45:00.001-05:00

2004-10-10T22:06:00.000-05:00

I'm posting with my friend Ross now at Three Sheets to the Wind.

2004-04-29T19:59:00.000-05:00

I had the mother of all headaches today. It came suddenly, creeped up the back of my neck and settled nicely inside my skull. I slept for 3 hours, and I'm still feeling awful. Unfortunately child #2 receives first communion on Sunday and the list of things that needs to be done is endless. We did however conquer painting and re-carpeting the family room. Thanks to my parents, my house is lookin' pretty darn good.

I discovered during a shopping trip, that child #2 got the shopping genes. He browsed the boys clothing and picked out some things for himself. Most boys would spent the whole trip complaining, but not my boy. I'm so proud!

2004-04-29T19:53:00.000-05:00

I'm resurrecting Bob's blog because I need to bitch. I'm not even going to censor the language, I'm letting it fly.

Target. Great store, it has just about everything I need and one thing I don't. A person asking me if I want to save 10 percent and open a Target Visa. EVERY time I shop there, whether I'm spending $5.00 or $500.00 they ask me if I want to open an account, and EVERY time, my answer is NO. STOP ASKING! And, remove the person who stands near the entrance and stops every single person to see if they want to open an account.

On a similar note, I went to the Twins game on Monday night. They had several kiosks all over the hallways to open a Twins Visa account. Enough already. Who does these things anyway?

Next bitch.

Work ethic. Does anyone under the age of 30 have a sense of work ethic? I don't think so. This week, one of my co-workers spent the entire time she was at work whining about how sick she was. Do you know why she was ill? I'll tell you. She was ill because she was out until 3:30 a.m. drinking and was hung over. She proudly reported that she drank a whole bottle of champagne by herself. Congrats! So not only did she whine the whole shift, do the minimum amount of work she could, but she also left early. She'll go far in this world.

2003-10-14T13:48:00.000-05:00

My husband plays bandy. It's like a cross between Hockey and Soccer. The rink is bigger, they play on skates, but they use a small orange ball, and the sticks are smaller. He started playing last year with his brother and some friends.

Yesterday, an e-mail arrived asking the men if they knew any women who might be interested in playing bandy on a womens team they were forming. I saw the e-mail before he did. All evening long I waited for him to ask if I wanted to play bandy. Did he? No. Finally, I tell him that I want to play. He about fell over. Then he laughed. He didn't think I was serious, it took me about an hour to convince him that I should/could/would try to do this. It reminded me of this other time that I tried to convince some other family members that I wanted to play soccer. They scoffed at the idea.

I now have to see if can skate on hockey skates.

2003-10-13T17:45:00.000-05:00

I went to the dentist today for a cleaning. It's been just over 4 weeks since the incident where the softball took out one of my front teeth. My mouth is still a mess. The cleaning was so painful, I wish I had taken some pain medication before the appointment. I dislike the dentist anyway, and today was a vivid reminder as to why I dread going to see them every 6 months. I guess in that regard I fit into the Owen family well, as my husband and his mother also have a special dislike for the dentist.

It has been a blah day otherwise. I feel a little blue, as you can probably tell by the previous post, and I really want to crawl back into bed until morning. Unfortunately, I have to work tonight at 7:30.

I watched an intriguing movie last night. The Life of David Gale. It was an interesting movie that really made me think. I get all of my movies from www.netflix.com. I love their service. Check it out.

2003-10-13T15:29:00.000-05:00

We have an awesome neighborhood. Last night, we had 8 kids playing and running through the leaves in our back yard. No TV, no video games, just outdoor fun.

With that said, I feel lonely.

Right now, in order to get my mothers attention, I think Iwould have to say that someone was hospitalized, or the house was on fire. She is preparing for my sisters wedding on November 1st. All of the conversations revolve around seating arrangements, wedding cake, and the design of the place cards. I feel invisible. My sister, thankfully, still has time for others. I had an awesome time at her house on Friday watching the Gophers lose, but often times its hard for us to get together too, she always has friends that are available to do stuff with her.

I really have very few friends. Don't pity me, it's my own fault. At one time I was really bad at maintaining friendships. I so envy the relationship that my sisters in law have. Yes, they are sisters, but it's also like they are best friends. They have lunches, weekends at the cabin, just hanging out. I don't have anyone to do that with. When they get together, or my sister and my mom, I feel like the red headed step child. Maybe I am. I know there was a time that I wasn't a great sister, sister in law, daughter, or daughter in law, and for that I'm sorry. I'm not good at relationships I guess.

It's time to get some house work done.

2003-10-09T13:10:00.000-05:00

Toilet etiquette.

Yesterday I went into a public restroom at a nicer department store. I walked into the stall and there was toilet paper neatly placed all over the seat. It seems that there are a small population of women who believe that they will catch diseases from toilet seats. I don't know what the llikelihood of catching a disease is, but what I do know is, you ought to be beaten if you can't at least dispose of the toilet paper that protected your oh-so delicate behind. Ugh.

2003-10-01T13:52:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday Hank. My father in law turned, um, 40 today, yah, thats it, 40. Rather than praising all the wonderful things he does, like Cathy in the Wright would do, I thought I would just go for sucking up. It suits me. Speaking of sucking up, your freshly baked, home made (crust and all) apple pie is in my oven as I type. Enjoy!

I love apple season. It is only 2nd to rhubarb season, which by far is my favorite season, because I love to bake with rhubarb. I could go on like Bubba from the movie Forest Gump....you can make rhubarb sauce, rhubarb pie, rhubarb cake, rhubarb crisp and rhubarb torte.....you get the picture. The house smells wonderful from the pies baking which makes the task all the more enjoyable.

2003-09-29T16:17:00.000-05:00

Today there was a shooting at the Hennepin County Government Center. A lawyer and his client were shot by the other party involved in his clients case. A couple of things bugged me about the media and the reporting on this case. Channel 5, KSTP, an ABC affiliate spent over an hour when they normally wouldn't be on the air playing and replaying interviews and press conferences that didn't tell us anything new. The 2nd thing that really bugged me, (probably because I'm female and have a law enforcement degree) was when Hennepin County Sheriff Pat McGowan gave the run down on the events. McGowan said "at 10:17 a female deputy sheriff radioed a call for help. If this deputy had been male, would Sheriff McGowan have said a male deputy sheriff called for help? I don't think so. I also don't think it's signifigant that the deputy was female, and it surprises me that it was written in such a way as to give the deputies gender considering that the person who most likely wrote the press release is female.

2003-09-29T10:05:00.000-05:00

Homework. My 9 year old has lots of it, which means I have lots of it. He needs supervision to make sure he has it done. Saturday he had to write a book report, unfortunately he still had 150 pages to read, and he left the book at school. This is where it becomes work for me, I had to go to the library to get another copy of the book so he could read, and then write his book report over the weekend. I don't remember having this much homework when I was a senior in high school much less in 4th grade. Is it the school, or just that times have changed.

I'm off to pound the pavement so to speak. I'm trying to get a 2nd job to supplement our income being that soon the bleepin' snow will start falling and the golf course where I currently work will close. I've never really had to go from place to place trying to find work. I find it all very interesting, and being I am trying to get a bartending job, it makes me hungry going from restaurant to restaurant all day.

I have great memories from a couple of years ago, when every Sunday was spent at my parents home with food, beverage and Vikings football. Last year, I had no interest in watching them, but this year I think it may be time to re-kindle the Sunday afternoons at my folks. The Vikings were so much fun to watch yesterday, and to make this week even better, the Twins play the Yankees tomorrow in the first game of the play offs.

2003-09-24T18:46:00.000-05:00

From the mouth of my 7 year old son, as the local 5 o'clock news was airing this evening:
"There is too much killing on the news." Today, a school shooting in Cold Spring, Minnesota, and a 5 year old child shot by 3 intruders in his Duluth home. I know there will be people blaming the new conceal and carry legislation, but any crime with a handgun can occur with or without the conceal and carry law. The freshman student suspect in the Cold Spring shooting couldn't have had a conceal and carry permit, because you must be 21 to obtain one, and the shooters in the incident in Duluth are probably nothing but thugs that didn't obtain their guns legally to begin with.

Rumor has it that the freshman from Cold Spring was bullied. I feel his pain. I too was bullied and it still haunts me from time to time. I never ever contemplated perpetrating acts of violence due to bullying, unfortunately, I blamed myself. Violence isn't right, and bullying isn't either. I pray that my children will never feel the pain of being picked on by their classmates, and I preach constantly about not picking on other kids.

In this house we've taken steps to make sure that our kids receiving parenting at home, and an education at school. The teachers are not there to be a parent to the students, however, I think that often times they feel compelled to do both. We eat dinner together, and we turn off the T.V. at night until chores and school work are done. It's not always fun. I find myself wanting to sit and watch T.V. as my favorite shows come on, but thats what a VCR is for. We have but one chance with our kids. I turned out okay, my husband turned out great. Why? We had great parents.

What are you going to do with your one chance? Something to think about.

2003-09-23T14:51:00.000-05:00

Today is September 23rd. It says so right above this posting. I went to the Mall of America. I HATE public restrooms, especially those at the Mall of America, so I went to Macy's to use their restroom. As I was leaving Macy's, I thought it might be December, certainly it wasn't September with all of the Christmas decorations and trees. Give me a break, we haven't even reached the first day of fall yet.

2003-09-22T15:49:00.000-05:00

I just got up from a nap, and I must say, I have The Best Dog in the world. She snuggled and kept me warm. She is not mans best friend, she is this womans best friend. There are other reasons though:

When I come home, whether I was gone for 5 minutes or 5 days, she is so happy to see me one would think she had won the doggie lottery.

She's small, she sits on my lap and fits perfectly.

She is soft, and warm and very docile.

When she poops and you have to pick it up, it's like small tootsie rolls, not like large italian sausages.

For those who really like having a baby in the house, Sophie is like a 13 lb baby that will never get bigger.

I cut her hair myself. She lays on her back while I take a scissors and cut, she actually seems to enjoy it. She doesn't fight with you when you trim her nails either.

If I could clone this dog, I think I would. She's perfect.

2003-09-22T15:43:00.000-05:00

Last night, I watched the Prime Time Emmy's. Henry Winkler came out to say a few words about recently deceased John Ritter. I couldn't believe my eyes. The Fonz was old. Really old. He had 2 chins and lots of gray hair. If the Fonz is old, I must be old.

2003-09-17T18:13:00.000-05:00

Is age 34 too old to play softball?

I'm starting to wonder if it is.

I've been playing since I was 8 years old. I've played fast pitch, slow pitch and something they call modified. I've broken a finger, been bruised and hurt my ankle a couple of times. I always recovered, and was always ready to go right back out for another game. I have always said I won't quit until I'm too old to run the bases. I might have to change my mind on that.

Saturday I played in a tournament. The first game I had a triple, and 2 rbi's that won the game. The second game we really had our work cut out for us. I pitched. I pitch what one might call "meatball" pitches. They are easy to hit, no spin, nothing fancy. We got our butts kicked, but not before the final batter of the game hits a line drive right back to me and knocks one of my top front teeth out of my mouth. One of my teammates eventually found it in the dirt at the pitchers mound. A player from another team happened to be a dental hygenist and shoved the whole tooth, root and all back into my mouth. ***Thank You*** this lady probably saved my tooth. Unfortunately though, I am having at least one and possibly as many as four root canals on my front top teeth. My bite is screwed up, my front teeth are all in the wrong places which could possibly mean braces if they don't go back where they belong. My diet consists of mashed potatoes, yogurt , ice cream, diet coke and tylenol three.

You don't know how much you miss a cheeseburger until you can't have one.

2003-09-12T15:53:00.000-05:00

As bad things happen, I hear people say "Everything happens for a reason." I used to actually buy that, and I have even uttered it myself. I no longer believe it. Things don't happen for a reason. They just happen. Thats it. I cannot believe that God would cause us this much pain and grief, even if there was a reason behind it. What I can believe is that when bad things happen, they happen in multiples. Some people say things happen in threes. I wish I was that lucky. My expenses are mounting, and my income is not. My husbands car, bam, $400.00. Hockey for my son $350.00 and that doesn't include equipment. Tuxedos for my sisters wedding for the three men in this house $300.00. Spanish for the kids $250.00. Pledging the kids for the marathon at their school $200.00.

The above makes the rejection for the most recent attempt at a full time job even more painful.

2003-09-12T10:24:00.000-05:00

I can't shake the blues. All week I've been second guessing myself. I can't get over the fact that my dreams are gone. The fight in me, is also gone. At night, I lay in bed and wonder how I could have screwed up so badly that I can't get hired as a police officer.

Two rejections. I need a break. I need someone to see something good in me. I'll be a great police officer, but right now I can't fathom even applying again. I have no idea where to go from here, and I can't shake the sadness deep down inside me, knowing that I may never achieve my dreams.

2003-09-10T09:31:00.000-05:00

Last night I played softball. It was a gorgeous evening, we played under the lights, no mosquitos, and a huge victory, 24-8. I've been playing softball for 25 years, I started when I was 8. Every year, I enjoy it just a little bit more. Last night was no exception, I was 3 for 3 at the plate, with 2 singles and a double. I even pitched 2 innings and struck out my last batter. I found hitting a softball to be very theraputic. I think I need to find a winter sport.

2003-09-09T17:06:00.000-05:00

A sign I'm getting older.

Today my 9 year old son encountered the word "phonograph" in a science book. He had to ask me what it was.

2003-09-09T09:42:00.000-05:00

Last night my older son had a soccer game. 1st quarter he was the goal tender. He did an outstanding job. Nothing got past him. I wish I could see more of his games. I love seeing both of my boys grow up. The younger son is teaching himself to rollerblade. He is also doing a great job, however, our street probably has a few blemishes from him falling down.

2003-09-09T09:39:00.000-05:00

Today as I was driving my kids to school I saw a bumper sticker on a white convertible sports car. It read "The best thing in life aren't things." Isn't that ironic.

2003-09-09T09:37:00.000-05:00

Sometimes dreams don't come true.

Here is my dream.

At the age of 14 I decided I wanted to become a police officer. After many bumps in the road and a successful career as a police dispatcher, I went back to school. I earned my law enforcement degree and graduated with honors. I'm 34 now, and a 20 year dream is gone. I've tried unsuccessfully to get a job as a police officer. I'll get really close to getting hired and then **bam**. It's like getting hit by a truck, something happens and the job is gone. I've owned my mistakes. I work hard, but it isn't enough. I'm devastated.

What do I do? I don't know where to look to find a different career. I want to provide financial security for my family, and switching jobs won't help if I ever want to pursue law enforcement again.

Do I give up the dream? Or do I fight?

I don't have an answer.

2003-09-01T17:20:00.000-05:00

It's labor day. Bob is working, but I'd hardly call it labor. He works patrolling the lakes, for a local county Sheriff's Office. Let me tell you of his woes:

He cruises around the lakes all day in a really nice boat.

He occassionally writes tickets.

He works on his tan.

He inspects boats for safety. He is extremely thorough if said boat has female, bikini clad occupants.

Today he earns time and a half because it is a holiday.

My woes:

I have two children who are about to get a reality check, school starts tomorrow.

I've done every stitch of laundry in this house today.

I cleaned my closet. (Embarrassing, but I filled 4, 30 gallon trash bags with clothing to go to charity)

There is light at the end of the tunnel. Tomorrow, at 9:15 promptly, school starts for them. I will be home alone with a clean house, and a new Krispy Kreme opening 8.87 miles away.

2003-08-29T21:13:00.000-05:00

I need to rant. I work in the "hospitality" business. I'm a bartender. At a private golf/country club. It's not one of those places where everyone speaks in a nasally voice. The members at this club are actually quite nice, and down to earth. It's my co-workers. What has happened to work ethic? Is it gone? Or do I expect too much?

I'm 34. Just last week, I turned 34. Happy Birthday to me. The waiters/waitresses, etc. range in age from 19 to 70ish. The closer you are to 70, than to 19, the harder you work, except of course in my case. I appear to be the exception to the rule. Last night, I aksed for a little cooperation from the waitstaff. A tiny little thing that would make my life easier. And the laziest bugger in the whole place, tore down my polite, but to the point note, and refused to help me out. He isn't the only lazy one. The people I work with do the following things that drive me nuts:

1. They drop their dirty dishes everywhere, and leave them for everyone else to clean up.
2. They think it's okay to show up for work late. When confronted on the issue, I hear "it's only 5 minutes, whats the big deal?" The big deal is, you're late.
3. Frequently, and I'm talking every other time I work, at least, the person who works the shift before me doesn't do their required tasks for the day. Instead, they watch TV, read the paper, and work on the crossword puzzle. I not only have to do my job, but their job. When I approach my boss on the subject, nothing gets done. The staff unaccountable, and management is too.

Having a job to go to right now is a luxury to some. The unemployment rate is high, and people are laid off every day. Fire those who simply don't want to do the job.

I have this undying work ethic. When I should be able to just sit down, if I have unfinished work, I can't relax until it's done. I don't do things half assed. I never have. I work hard from start until finish. Where has society gone that more people don't possess the same work ethic?

I'm done. For now.

2003-08-27T10:45:00.000-05:00

I think I'm going to have to start counting down the days, hours, minutes and seconds until the kids go back to school. The fighting, whining and complaining has been non-stop for days. They taunt each other constantly. Even a glance in one anothers direction is cause for a battle royal. I think I'll go hunker down in my bunker. Heh, that rhymes.

2003-08-27T10:40:00.000-05:00

He's better than a venus fly trap. My younger son J that is. He caught a centipede today, and put it in his bug jar. The centipede is now residing in his room. My husband, the initial writer of this blog hates centipedes. He squeals like a little girl when he sees them. This centipede is still a baby, and J is now thinking of a name for it.

2003-08-20T10:28:00.000-05:00

Friday, August 22nd, is my nephew The Senator's Birthday. He'll be 5. We'll be in Chicago, visiting a friend. A hint:: The Senator will be finding Weapons of Mass Destruction in his pile of gifts. These are the kind you can't break. No, I'm not worried about The Senator breaking them, oh no. I'm worried about The Senator's mother breaking them. He was the previous recepient of a cap gun, which his mother snapped in half in a fit of "tit for tat" after The Senator broke a flimsy kitchen utensil. Enjoy!

2003-08-20T09:53:00.000-05:00

As expected, Scratchy passed on yesterday at about 10:00 a.m. Jack was holding him, and he just stopped breathing. I hope he didn't suffer. Bob, Jack, Matt and some neighborhood kids had a funeral/burial for him last night. As I was preparing Scratchy for interment I had to find a box or something to bury him in. What I found was a new use for those disposable Glad Ware containers. He fit perfectly, however, My husband didn't feel it was appropriate to bury him in the Glad Ware because he would be there forever, rather than becoming one with the earth. I don't suppose the people at Glad Ware want to use such an advertising slogan, it might upset those wanting to protect mother earth.

We're down to one pet, that I know of. One could only guess what kind of creatures Jack may have stashed in his room. I think the one pet, Sophie, also known as the twelve pound dog, misses Scratchy. She would give him a lick, and watch him for hours as he ran in his wheel. She never did attempt to hurt him. I can't imagine the day that I have to deal with her passing. She's as much a part of the family as any one else.

More later, I'm off to try to get some kind of police job, which is a story for another time.

2003-08-19T08:44:00.000-05:00

Imagine Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes or Dennis from Dennis the Menace. I have such a boy living here. He's 7. He went to his Aunt Cathy's. He found frogs. She received Best Aunt in the World honors. Unforunately, soon, we may need such a frog. Scratchy, Jack's hamster is dying. I doubt he'll make it through the day. Last night, I picked him out of his cage. He feels cold to the touch, but he's still breathing. Even such a small creature is comforted by a mothers touch. I held him and then wrapped him up to try to keep him warm. I checked on him this morning. Barely breathing. I wish there was a humane way to end it for him, I just can't do it. Let me tell you about Scratchy:

Scratchy is a teddy bear hamster. Initially he was really fuzzy. Scratchy developed a sweet tooth. For those of you who know me, you'll understand how that could be. I love sweets. I love to bake, and I love to share. Scratchy knew my voice. He was happy to see me when I got home from work, because he knew I would take him out of the cage and give him sugar coated cereal. Scratchy also would come out if he heard the noise food wrappers make, or if he smelled freshly delivered pizza. Just months ago, Scratchy was active and crawling all over his cage. He would hang upside down inside, and he was then dubbed by Jack "Spiderman." Today, Scratchy looks like he's a 100 year old man. His hair fell out, he's wrinkled and blind. I'll miss him when he's gone. Jack on the other hand, has plans for a new tennant for the cage. I guess thats okay. Everyone deals with death in their own way.

2003-08-19T08:31:00.000-05:00

Visiting Chicago gave me a look at true entrepreneurs. They came in the form of pan handlers, beggers and the like. There were the very crude with just a cup. Then we found the group of 6. Outside of Watertower Place on Michigan Avenue. They drew a crowd. This group of young men, dressed alike, would dance and put on quite a show, complete with a 5 gallon pail for you to place your money. They suggested we should each put $20.00 in their bucket. Imagine if they put that much effort in to getting a real job, or education.

2003-08-18T14:32:00.000-05:00

A weekend in Chicago. Me. My mom. No children. Heaven! I missed Bob and the kids. I missed the dog, but it is so enjoyable to go shopping without someone(s) whining. It's nice to go to dinner whenever you want, and not even worry about a kids menu. It's nice to sleep when you want, watch TV that doesn't involve The Cartoon Network or Nickelodeon. It's also nice to come home to peace.

We stayed in downtown Chicago. 3 Blocks from Lake Michigan and about 3 blocks from Michigan Avenue. There was the constant sound of sirens and horns honking. Everyone honks their horn in Chicago. I wasn't even sure sometimes why they were honking. The sirens were non-stop. I suppose sirens are typical in an urban setting. I just didn't know how constant they were. Drivers in Chicago had no patience. I almost got hit by a car that was turning a corner as I stood on the edge of a curb near a crosswalk.

The coolest thing happened though as I was sitting in a construction zone on Interstate 90 near Rockford, Illinois. Traffic was being reduced to one lane. Signs were posted. I moved to the appropriate lane, only to have other motorists come zipping up the side to squeeze in at the last moment. I hate that! The more expensive the car, the more likely the driver is to do just that. As I'm sitting patiently in line, I looked in my rearview mirror. The barrage of drivers attempting to squeeze in at the last minute had come to a halt. I wondered why. Two semi's had placed themselves side by side. No one was getting past either one of them. They kept all of the really important people who must go ahead of the rest of us, behind them. It was awesome. Just as you absolutely had to move over to the right lane, one of the truckers let the other trucker in. It was a beautiful thing. I didn't even mind sitting in traffic after I saw what they had done. One of the trucks was from Slumberland. I know where I'm buying my next furniture.

More later....

2003-08-13T14:50:00.000-05:00

Imagine that I found this blog at a garage sale. I dusted it off, removed the cob webs and am going to take over.

Hi! I'm Trivialbob's wife. He ran low on blogging energy. He hasn't blogged in almost 2 months. I have had ideas, but he was my creative outlet. I'm not nearly as talented a writer as he is, or his sister www.crazyweiler.com or his dad, who had a guest junket on her site. Check it out, they are both great writers. I am mediocre. While my husband and sister in law were learning about nouns and pronouns from their father during childhood, I was learning how to fish. I live with the grammar police (my husband) and he lives with someone who can't sit still. I always need to be doing something.

This summer, I have worked evenings, and hung out with my kids Matt-9, and Jack-7 during the day. Today, I learned why when I was a child, my mom couldn't wait for us to go back to school. The boys fought, whined, and whined some more. They are now in their rooms, hopefully sleeping. This mean old mom made them take a nap. We now have a "Worst mom in the world" trophy to go with Bob's "Worst dad in the world" trophy.

The good part about being home all summer, is that it really hasn't been all that bad. Actually, it's been very very good. The first two months was baseball for the boys 4 nights a week. We've been swimming, and Jack has found countless frogs, toads and other bugs. As always, he asks: "Can I keep it as a pet?" If we kept everything he caught as a pet, we'd have to move to a farm.

More later. I'm off to Chicago for the weekend.

2003-06-14T09:40:00.000-05:00

I'm running low on blogging energy. I still read Instapundit and Lileks (who doesn't) but with baseball games four nights a week I just haven't had the energy or time to contribute to my own blog. Oh, and I've been busy at work so even the speedy Internete connection doesn't hold much attraction.

My sister on the other hand is blogging away. She's part of the Blogspot Jihad and has moved off blogger. Her new site is here. Comments, pictures, no Blogger. The only thing missing (for now) is a tip jar. And a link in Instapundit.

2003-06-11T06:55:00.000-05:00

(Star Tribune) Just about every day, Monica Lewis pauses before her dining room buffet. A get-out-the-vote flier from just before the 2002 election bears a photograph of the late Sen. Paul Wellstone and a quotation: "The future will belong to those who have passion, and to those who are willing to make the personal commitment to make our country better."

She's part of the WWWD crowd. I sarcastically thought, "Yeah, and she probably has candles and incense on the buffet." Read on.

The pamphlet is flanked by candles and an old campaign button. Would she call it a shrine?

"What is a shrine?" asks Lewis, a staff attorney for Volunteers of America. "It's a physical manifestation of a person who espoused ideals that I cherish and want to follow, and if that's a shrine, fine. Call it a shrine."

Okay, it's a shrine. You know, in a few years children around here will start to think Minnesota's capital city was named in honor of the late senator.

2003-05-27T09:32:00.000-05:00

An AP photo of a burning "Humvee." Well, it's not a 300mm pistol. But it's certainly not a Humvee, either. A quick Google search comes up with this vehicle: HEMTT.

2003-05-27T08:49:00.000-05:00

I love reading Professor Bunyip's blog. Here's a beautiful sample:

Anyone who works on the theory that you get what you pay for can't be too surprised by Blogger's recent problems. They've driven Tim Blair to a new home and tempted the Professor to follow suit. Unfortunately, despite donning a pair of elephantine trousers, borrowing a back-the-front baseball cap from young Master Bunyip, and addressing his computer his "dude", all that slash-dot-font-template stuff at Moveable Type was incomprensible when the Professor logged on early in the evening. It was even moreso after a bottle of red, several ports, an Irish coffee, a few more ports and, ill-advisedly, a long telephone conversation with Mrs. Bunyip's youngest brother, the clan's purported expert in matters cyber. The only wisdom gleaned from that exchange: An intoxicated academic should not expect sound counsel from a red-eyed young fellow whose explanations are punctuated by the background bubbling of a bong.

2003-05-24T12:05:00.000-05:00

Minnesota recently passed a law allowing just about anyone to carry a firearm. The law says business can ban weapons at their establishments but cannot ban weapons from the parking lots (ostensibly so people have a place to secure weapons if the business prohibits them in the building).

This applies to churches as well.

At least one local church is bent out shape. Its leadership wants to also ban weapons from the parking lot. Simply asking the congregation isn’t enough.

Here’s how I picture it at my church if it goes this route.

Priest: “Hey folks, please don’t bring guns to church. Please leave them at home and not in your car when you come here. It’s just something we prefer not to have here.”

Parishioners (out loud): “I supposed we could do that. In fact, there probably aren’t even three of us in the whole church who have permits to carry.”

Parishioners (silently): “And even if I did who (besides You Know Who) would even know? They’re not searching cars as we arrive on Sunday. And I haven’t seen any press release about an 11th commandment.”

However, that’s not enough for some people. Yep – one local church has already filed a lawsuit challenging the law. It’s about the state infringing upon religious freedom, the lawsuit claims.

And Iraq was all about Bush’s blood lust for oil.

It won’t be long before others try to enforce their own views about gun control.

Why, for example, my sister has implemented a new rule at her house. She destroys all weapons she finds. Even if makes a young boy cry. Oh sure, she claims it’s about discipline and teaching lessons and crap like that.

Lucky for her a mom doesn’t have to sue anyone to enforce arbitrary, capricious “laws” in her own household.

I have an idea of something my nephew might like for a birthday present this year.

2003-05-23T08:27:00.000-05:00

Also via Treacher, this site: Jim's Journal. This brings back some fond memories when I'd read about Jim in the Daily Cardinal. Or was it the Badger Herald?

2003-05-23T08:21:00.000-05:00

My kid won't like this: Euthanizing Garfield? (Not that I disagree with the idea, of course.)

2003-05-23T08:11:00.000-05:00

Baseball team pictures last night. Two lines, two photographers, two teams at a time. Twice the fun! Twice the bedlam.

My son was doing his best to be most chaotic of all. We were in a high school lunchroom. He found it interesting that he could, while I wasn't looking, make it from one end of the large room to the other -- without touching the floor. He walked on table and chairs or scooted along on his behind. (Note to the kids at Jefferson high school: I wouldn't eat any food that falls off your trays today.)

The electrons were buzzing furiously. Parents were doing their best to reign in the players. Then there was a crash, a flash and... silence. At the front of one line the photographer had stepped away and the first two boys were horsing around. They struck the tripod holding one of the cameras. It fell over in slow motion. The boys did nothing but watch. As the camera stuck the floor it snapped a picture, setting off those umbrella-like flash units.

My son was wearing a red jersey. Number 13. The two guilty youths were wearing blue jerseys. Whew. See ya. Bye.

2003-05-22T10:20:00.000-05:00

This game brought to you by…

Last night my younger son’s mite baseball team won its first game, 19-9. He batted one for three. The run he scored made him walk a little taller. All the kids on his team got a little big for their breeches.

Speaking of breeches… Most of players wear baseball pants. White or light gray. Thin. Slightly transparent.

Each of these youngsters, now with a few runs up on the other team, swaggered to the plate. I expected to see them spit tobacco; they were so confident and grown up, what with being ahead by a few runs, you know. They scratched their cleats in the dirt and took practice swings. They crouched. And the fans got to see Superman logos, Star Wars designs, Batman and a picture of Pikachu appearing from beneath uniform pants.

None of us realized our kids have sponsors. On their underwear!

2003-05-15T11:28:00.000-05:00

China threatens to execute SARS sufferers who spread virus -- various news sources.

2003-05-15T08:31:00.000-05:00

Harvey Mackay, in his weekly column in the Star Tribune's business section (no link available yet), has a quote from Kemmons Wilson. Wilson is the founder of Holiday Inn. He was, judging by all the Holiday Inns dotting the landscape, quite successful. In Mackay's book, this makes him A number One.

Wilson, who never graduated from high school, was invited by his high school to give the commencement address:

"I really don't know why I'm here. I never got a diploma, and I've only worked half-days my entire life. I guess my advice to you is to do the same. Work half-days every day. And it doesn't matter which half -- the first 12 hours or the second 12 hours."

Is that something to be proud of? Mackay writes of meeting Wilson's son. Did the son mention what it was like growing up without a father around? Did the elder Wilson attend any of his son's baseball games? School programs? Family Picnics? Well, he did say it doesn't matter which twelve hours you work. Do you think Kemmons worked all night so he could visit with his family during the daylight hours?

I've stayed at Holiday Inns. Clean. Affordable. Kids stay free. Yep, my kids were with me. I guess I owe Kemmons Wilson a little thanks. Oh, if you're looking for me this evening I'll be at my son's baseball practice. I'll spend some time watching him play and then I'll spend some time on the nearby playground with my other son.

Friday afternoon you might not be able to reach me at the office. I have a different definition of working half days.

2003-05-13T11:53:00.000-05:00

Erica Bouza, protester and wife of former Minneapolis police chief Tony Bouza (the same Tony Bouza who once denied Minneapolis had a gang problem) weighs in on gun violence in Minnesota.

Last Friday after a pleasant lunch I was able to get my entertainment on Lake Street: a shootout.

Odd. Wouldn't most people find a shootout terrifying?

It was just like the cowboy movies of my youth.

Horses on Lake Street! Where?

I had a perfect view: A young man running down the middle of the street fired three shots into a passing car. I was crouched in a doorway 10 feet away hoping I did not interest him.

Don't worry. The shooter wasn't a Star Tribune letter editor so I'm sure he had no interest in you at all.

Had I owned and carried my own gun I could have shot at any of the bystanders who were as frozen with fear as I was.

You would have fired at the innocent bystanders? Such depravity. Someone who had a conceal carry permit might have fired on the gunman to end the shootout. Or are you telling us the anti-gun lobby so intent on proving the legislators wrong that they're willing to commit gun crimes themselves?

So a vote of thanks to the National Rifle Association, the Legislature and Gov. Tim Pawlenty for passing the concealed-weapons bill.

Last I checked, the NRA can’t vote for (or against) legislation in the state of Minnesota.

Starting May 28 I should have ample opportunities, with the proliferation of handguns, to witness additional shootouts -- perhaps even in my own back yard, which will save me having to leave my own neighborhood.

Only as long as there are innocent bystanders in your backyard. Judging by your earlier statement, that's whom you'd shoot at, right?

Or perhaps I will just move back to New York.

One can only hope.

2003-05-09T08:39:00.000-05:00

The national pastime. (Sigh.)

This year my sons’ baseball practices are 90 minutes instead of the hour I had braced myself for.

Rush home from work so we have time to eat and complete homework (homework done after a long practice is homework the dog should have eaten).

Rush to find baseball equipment. Six- and eight-year-old boys are genetically programmed to lose mitts, mislay cleats and hide jerseys after each use. I’m thinking about some sort of deposit system. I’ll hold hostage all the PlayStation games and GameBoy cartridges. Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh cards will also be my captives. Release will be conditional on properly stored athletic equipment.

Can’t find your jersey? Then you won’t mind if I use the PS2 for a bookend. Oh, you found your jersey already?

Want to know how to piss off a six-year-old? Repeatedly refer to Yu-Gi-Oh cards as “You-Go-Guy” cards. Not only does my boy not find humor in this, he thinks his father is just so lame for laughing at this “joke.”

I’m chuckling right now.

This year the local athletic league decided that even kids in the mite league must wear protective cups. Properly referred to as “nut-cups” in first graders’ vernacular, their function is two-fold: protect and amuse.

There’s a new sound on the old ball field. You have the traditional(?) ping of aluminum bats, the smack of baseballs caught in leather mitts and now the sound of little knuckles rapping on armored groins.

When we get home, this object will surely be misplaced. I don’t need for the boys to have a PlayStation; consequently, it will never be lost. The kids aren’t allowed on the diamond without a cup.

I’d better leave work early so we have more time to look.

2003-05-08T17:13:00.000-05:00

"It's a total quagmire. It's like, totally, Vietnam all over again, dude," he said, adding: "NOT."

2003-05-07T08:29:00.000-05:00

After Lileks ripped on some talk radio callers (I don't disagree with him) my sister commented on this and Soucheray.

I also listen to a lot of local talk radio. Garage Logic(tm) is a very popular afternoon show here, but I would never call in because the host, Joe Soucheray, always sounds like a jerk to his callers. Every time he answers a call he sounds annoyed, as if the worst part of his job was dealing with the morons who want to agree with him on some particular point. Soucheray is entertaining on his own (his sidekick, The Rookie...yawn) but I change the station when he's taking calls because it's almost painful to listen to him snip at people as they thank him for taking their call.

I agree. I enjoy the show but dislike listening to Joe take calls almost as much as I dislike the callers. You know what guys? Soucheray gets off when you call and start your Harley for him but over the airwaves, they all sound the same: awful.

As much as I enjoy some of his rants I'm glad I've never met Soucheray. I'm pretty sure I'd detest him in person.

2003-05-07T08:13:00.000-05:00

(Reuters) - First Sheryl Crow had to go. Then Barbie's pregnant friend was shunned. Now, Wal-Mart Stores Inc. the world's biggest retailer, is axing three men's magazines known for cover photos of scantily-clad models.

Wal-Mart has pulled Maxim and Stuff magazines, published by Dennis Publishing, and Emap Metro LLC's FHM magazine from its shelves, saying some customers were uncomfortable with their covers.

What about Cosmo and Vogue? They don't have much in the way of "covers" either.

2003-05-07T08:08:00.000-05:00

Check date on wall calendar: May 7. My watch is displaying 5-07. Float my cursor over my PC clock and it tells me today is Wednesday, May 07, 2003. Not one of them is trying to tell me it's April 1st.

So explain this.

It's not even an old graphic because the caption on the photograph reads May 6.

Still trying to think of a joke about all the crap on the internet.

2003-05-06T10:26:00.000-05:00

Mitch Berg has a delightful fisking of Laura Billings of the Pioneer Press. Her editor should be required to read it. Here's my favorite point:

(Billings) -- Well, now that we've joined the 34 other states that have had this sort of legislation ramrodded through their legislatures by NRA lobbyists, the organizations and officials forced to deal with the law's implications can't help noticing it has some rather unnerving holes in it.

(Berg) -- "Ramrodded through legislatures?" As if the 35 legislatures that have adopted these laws don't have any minds of their own?

Is that Ms. Billings' position? If they're that stupid, why are they voting on taxes, either?

The rest is just as good.

2003-05-06T10:14:00.000-05:00

Last night was the start of the baseball season. Twins and Yankees? No. Six and seven-year-old kids. The Raiders. You've heard of them, no?

Get home from work. Take son to practice. Notice there was no mention of dinner between those two events.

Conditions: 50 degrees, wet with dark, heavy clouds hanging low over the field. The Northwest jets on approach to MSP probably had a hard time breaking through. All this after two days of rain.

Mudville - Yes. Joy? Call me Casey.

The eight and nine-year old kids start tonight. My other son is in that league. The good news is that we won't start until 7:00 PM which give me time to eat dinner. The bad news is that the weather gets and extra 90 minutes to get colder and wetter and the clouds have time to curdle. I defy anyone at the field to figure out when the sun actually sets.

2003-05-02T09:00:00.000-05:00

Right arm: gone. Balls: huge.

(Aspen Times) Aspen resident Aron Ralston amputated his right arm below the elbow with a pocketknife yesterday in order to free himself from an 800-pound boulder that had him pinned down since last Saturday in a remote slot canyon of Canyonlands National Park, Utah.

Ralston, 27, an accomplished mountaineer, fashioned a tourniquet on the arm and then rigged a 60-foot rappel down a cliff face to begin the hike back to civilization.

2003-05-02T08:08:00.000-05:00

Tim Blair today:

IN MADISON, Wisconsin, a Daniel Pipes lecture attracts the usual anti-freedom screech bunnies. How he puts up with this, I have no idea.

Madison is my alma mater. Click on the "Pipes" link for to see a few photos of Memorial Union (a place where I worked for a bit during college).

2003-05-02T08:04:00.000-05:00

I'm Japan.

2003-05-01T13:33:00.000-05:00

Frank has all you need to know about SARS right here.

2003-05-01T13:15:00.000-05:00

A little treasure from the editorial staff at my local newspaper, the Minneapolis Star Tribune. Finding it funny that anti-spam software would be solicited via, you guessed it, a spam e-mail. The editorial staff has this comment:

How outrageous: a cynical attempt to sell a cure that only makes the disease worse. You hardly ever see that, outside of concealed-carry laws.

Minnesota's recently passed concealed carry law hasn't even gone into effect yet but the Strib staff already knows the carnage that lies ahead when licensed gun owners are free to roam.

It will be interesting a year from now if the editorial staff can write "We told you so! We told you so!" next to a story showing that licensed gun owners have actually killed more people can committed more crimes than the current group of non-licensed gun carriers.

2003-05-01T13:04:00.000-05:00

It's always funny when someone writes to the Minneapolis Star Tribune and complains that that liberal newspaper is too conservative, pro big business, etc. Why, here's one now.

I am very disappointed in the Star Tribune's Saturday editorial supporting a study of whether phosphorus should be removed from dishwashing detergent.

First, the best, most economical solution to pollution is prevention. If we accept that phosphorus, in concentrations too high to be handled by the natural systems, is a pollutant, then it only makes sense to remove it from products that do not need it. Prevention is what is being proposed in the bill removing phosphorus from dishwashing detergent. If phosphorus is not in the products we purchase it won't get in the environment in quantities large enough to be a pollutant.

Boom. Shoots herself in the foot in the second paragraph. Why, whoever needs a study when you can "accept" the "facts" you prefer.

2003-04-29T08:44:00.000-05:00

Osama's Pyrrhic victory

(Reuters) Ousting U.S. troops from Saudi Arabia became the battle cry of Saudi-born militant Osama bin Laden and his al Qaeda network, blamed by Washington for the September 11, 2001 attacks on the United States.

Get out, infidels! Fine, have it your way.

The United States said on Tuesday it was ending military operations in Saudi Arabia and removing virtually all of its forces from the kingdom by mutual agreement following the Iraq war.

2003-04-25T12:56:00.000-05:00

The Minnesota House passes a bill authorizing the concealed carry of handguns. Chances are the law could be enacted as soon as next week. The Star-Tribune prints a letter from someone who isn't happy about it:

In the days of increased security measures and terrorism warnings, I can't believe our state government is actually thwarting law enforcement's efforts to keep people safe. I am now more scared of my fellow Minnesotans than of any terrorist group.

I picture the letter-writer's fear list like this:

- Minnesotans who tote guns
- all Minnesotans (you never know who has a gun; they're concealed)
- snakes and spiders (tie)
- any terrorist group
- monsters under the bed
- her own shadow

2003-04-24T08:11:00.000-05:00

Weather radar or missle defense system. You decide:

(Pioneer Press) "This thing is so powerful," said [KSTP-TV weatherman Dave] Dahl, "where a 350,000- watt system can penetrate through one or maybe two storms, this, concentrates 32 billion watts through a 1-degree beam. That means it can penetrate up to five storms."

This may also explain why my coffee isn't getting cold sitting on my desk.

2003-04-23T12:38:00.000-05:00

How to celebrate Earth Day in Madison, Wisconsin...

(Badger Herald) Students living in the Langdon Street neighborhood awoke Tuesday to find nearly all of the area's sport utility vehicles and minivans had deflated tires.

Many of the students speculated that the suspects were trying to make a political statement coinciding with Tuesday's Earth Day. Police have not arrested anyone in connection with the incident but said they anticipate that an environmental group might soon claim responsibility.

TKE fraternity resident advisor Chuck Radtke, who found one of his Jeep Cherokee Sport tires deflated, said area residents had mixed reactions to the vandalism.

I imagine a few of the Langdon street frat boys will actually be pressing the gas just a little harder today and maybe taking an extra 10 MPG ride around the block before parking their noble steeds.

2003-04-22T12:13:00.000-05:00

The Minneapolis Star Tribune prints another snotty little letter to the editor from another disguntled democrat:

Happy hunting -- I would like to wish President Bush a belated happy Easter and hope that he had better luck finding the pretty eggs than he has had finding Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein.

I'm not counting on the president to find OBL or SH because now, much like the easter bunny, they only exist in peoples' minds. Or, you know, just like Paul Wellstone even though his pretty green campaign signs still dot the landscape.

2003-04-22T10:45:00.000-05:00

The best thing about the protest at Agusta:

(Charleston Post and Courier) AUGUSTA--It was a tough battle Saturday -- not between the golfers -- but between reporters and police officers over who had a larger presence at the protest just down the road from Augusta National Golf Club.

Throughout the morning, law enforcement officers stood on the perimeter of the five-acre field. At no point did the protest turn violent, though officers escorted Heywood Jablome away after he held up a sign directly in front of Burk that read "Make me dinner" before shouting "Oprah rules."

There was no word on the whereabouts of his friend I.P. Freeley.

2003-04-19T10:22:00.000-05:00

One of the funniest Fiskings I've ever read. Tim Blair writes:

Robert Fisk - now revealed, as if there were any doubt, to be pathologically incapable of accuracy - might be using something special as well. Imagine if he was a sports writer: "The Anaheim Angels have won the 2002 World Series after a 620-mile David Eckstein centerfield blast drove in all 36 base runners late in the 89th innings. The diminutive (3' 2") Eckstein punched the air with all four fists as he rounded 17th base, his interstate swat having delivered the series to the Angels and earning Eckstein the MVHA (Most Valuable Human Alive) award for the 110th consecutive year. He celebrated by invading Palestine."

2003-04-16T08:02:00.000-05:00

An appropriate name for a fund that loses all your money (scroll down to second item).

2003-04-12T21:01:00.000-05:00

Shagadelic Hussein.

2003-04-12T10:00:00.000-05:00

I haven’t blogged in a while. Okay, a long while. I know. I’ve been reminded. What’s my excuse?

Well, I’d like to blame my younger son. Back on March 29 he started explaining how his transformer toys work. Each one. In detail. In excruciating detail.

He just finished this morning.

Those little toys can be manipulated in a lot of different things. And it can take a a while for a six-year-old a to explain them all.

I'll be back to regular posting tomorrow.

2003-03-29T16:07:00.001-06:00

The new Northwest Airlines color scheme.

2003-03-29T16:05:00.000-06:00

A sign of the apocalypse?

I can tell what my older son had for lunch simply by looking at his shirt. I'm expecting a bill from the school to replace all the playground sand that he has brought home in his shoes.

The other day he got dressed all by himself and combed his hair. Rumbles were heard beneath the earth.

Then he said to his mom, "Do I look okay?"

2003-03-26T12:14:00.000-06:00

Listening to the BBC this morning I hear the announcer hyperventilating at the report of two missiles that killed 14 or 15 civilians. Our breathless announcer tells us the UN is begging both sides to respect civilian populations.

The BBC makes no mention of what the Iraq government is doing, like firing artillery at Iraqis in Basra:

A British officer outside the strategic city of 1.5 million people said "there has been a civilian uprising in the north of Basra". He added: "We have seen a large crowd on the streets. The Iraqis are firing their own artillery at their own people. There will be carnage."

Andrew Sullivan is right.

2003-03-23T10:31:00.000-06:00

Joe Soucheray, on the Academy Awards:

The people who do attend have been asked to wear a new ribbon this year to show their opposition to the war in Iraq. If they wear all their other ribbons — AIDs, breast cancer awareness, free the trees — they will look like the decorated soldiers they oppose.

2003-03-22T08:50:00.000-06:00

I'm back from vacation.

My wife and two sons and I went to Disney World and Cocoa Beach. I've never been to Disney World. I was told many good things about it.

It far exceeded my expectations.

The people who work there are wonderful. They are happy to serve and keep the place spotless. I wanted for nothing. Oh, okay, 50-cent beers would have been nice. But I’m picking nits.

There was so much to do. I think we could have spent a month there before we’d tire. And it wasn’t even all the glamour and glitter. My younger son was amazed by all the little lizards running around. “Dad, will they let me bring one of these on the plane?” He vigilantly watched the bushes and trees for the little critters. They were all too fast for him so none of them got to fly Northwest.

We went to one theme park in the mornings and another in the evenings. Lunch was punctuated by naps. Cries of “I’m not tired!” were quickly followed by the sounds of little bodies sliding into sheets and deep snores.

While we were there, the Orlando paper ran a story about how jitters of the impending war were hurting tourism. The lines for rides were long but not too bad. But there’s a little secret to even shorter lines.

"Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” This is part of the poem by Emma Lazarus, inscribe at the Statue of Liberty. Coincidentally, it also seems to be the minimum requirement in most states to get a handicap-parking permit. Disney lets folks with handicap cards and wheelchairs scoot to the front of the line at some rides. I don’t mind that too much but when seven or eleven friends accompany the person in the wheel chair, you have to stop and wonder. I saw one young girl sitting in a rented wheelchair whining, “When can I get out of this.” I wanted to put my hand on her forehead and yell, “Walk, child! Walk, and be free!” It would have worked.

Transportation at Disney is free. It was easy to get around anywhere. The monorail is fun. The kids liked it, especially the time we got to sit in the front car with the operator. The buses are clean. At night, though, buses were just like any bus I’ve ridden at night in Minneapolis. On one ride, we had a group of drunken soldiers on leave. This was when we were waiting for the other shoe to drop on Saddam. The soldiers were a bunch of jerks but with the war looming no one wanted to say a word to them.

Another nighttime bus ride found us with a large contingent of cheerleaders in town for some competition. Riding a crowded bus, surrounded by many scantily dressed eighteen year old cheerleaders. How bad can that be? I found out. They practiced cheers on the bus. Loudly. Seeing them is one thing, hearing them is another.

After Disney, we spent a night in Cocoa Beach. It was spring break and we saw a good number of college students. I worried that we wouldn’t have any peace and quiet but my worries were unfounded. The students kept to themselves.

The jellyfish didn’t. A million of them died and washed up on shore the day we were there. They weren’t the kind that sting, we were told. We waded around a bit and the boys played in the sand, all the while avoiding the jellyfish.

The Holiday Inn had “Kid Suites,” a neat idea. Our room had a king sized bed and then a separate area with bunk beds. The kids had their own light and their own TV. They loved it. It was the perfect end to a perfect trip.

2003-03-09T09:31:00.000-06:00

I'm taking some time off. See you a week from today. Thanks for stopping by.

2003-03-09T09:22:00.000-06:00

Human "shields" duly fisked.

2003-03-09T09:00:00.000-06:00

This is news?

(CBS) (WASHINGTON) The Central Intelligence Agency has warned that terrorists based in Iraq are planning attacks against American and allied forces inside the country after any invasion, The New York Times says in a story on its Web site, prepared for its Sunday editions. The Times cites government counterterrorism officials.

Well, it is a war. That would seem like a no brainer. But what about the Iraqi military? Oh, they're already busy surrendering:

(Sunday Mirror) (via Instapundit) TERRIFIED Iraqi soldiers have crossed the Kuwait border and tried to surrender to British forces - because they thought the war had already started.

The motley band of a dozen troops waved the white flag as British paratroopers tested their weapons during a routine exercise.

The stunned Paras from 16 Air Assault Brigade were forced to tell the Iraqis they were not firing at them, and ordered them back to their home country telling them it was too early to surrender.

2003-03-09T08:46:00.000-06:00

Amnesty International, Department of Irony:

(Star Tribune/AP) A terror suspect in U.S. detention at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, tried to commit suicide, a military spokesman said Saturday.

It was the 21st suicide attempt at the camp since it was set up in January 2002. The detainee, who attempted suicide Friday, was treated at the U.S. naval base hospital and was under medical observation, the spokesman, Lt. Col. Barry Johnson, said by telephone from the base.

Amnesty International has demanded an inquiry into whether U.S. interrogation methods were contributing to the suicide attempts. U.S. officials insist the questioning is humane.

AI could have just asked Jimmy Fallon: "They're suicide bombers. They hate living conditions."

2003-03-09T08:30:00.000-06:00

The best explanation of why an invasion of Iraq is necessary. It's long but well worth reading.

2003-03-05T14:40:00.000-06:00

You don't need to make a federal case out of it, do you? Oh, I guess you do.

2003-03-05T09:24:00.000-06:00

Always room for a new good acronym. In Tim Blair's blog today:

AUSTRALIAN PRIME MINISTER John Howard was this morning confronted with the views of human shield Donna Mulhearn, the STUPID (Short-Term Utility Pod - Iraq Division) currently in Baghdad awaiting personal installation of US military hardware.

2003-03-05T08:20:00.000-06:00

My boys and I went out to dinner the other night at the Shanty Town Grill. Why that name, I don’t know. The building was constructed with materials that I would expect to see in a modern American structure: wood, glass and masonry. I detected no hint of tarpaper, cardboard or corrugated steel.

The kitchen provides the usual American fare: burgers and fries. The bar provides the universal fare: drinks.

It was snowing lightly as we walked in from the cold. We had never been here before. My eight-year-old son was amused by the screen door that preceded the wooden door. “Just like a house!”

We found a booth. The place was quiet. The kids were hungry. They never seem to mind waiting for menus or sodas but the time between “I’ll have…” and “Careful, that plate is hot” is an eternity to them. When they’re really hungry it’s two eternities.

And yes, they always touch the plate as soon as the server tells them to watch out.

But they were patient that night. I kept waiting for the dam to break and the complaining or fighting to start.

It never happened.

The food arrived in short order. As we ate, we talked. The six-year-old carefully unwrapped his straw. I thanked him for remembering for not blowing the wrapper off and having it land who knows where.

I remembered a time when my brother and I rode our bikes to Arby’s when we were young. I must have been around fourteen years old at the time and my brother ten. He carefully unwrapped one end of his straw then promptly blew the wrapper on to the table next to us. A mom with two little daughters was quite irritated with us.

I told this story to my boys thinking it was a good lesson as to why you don’t blow straw wrappers around in restaurants.

They grinned and said, “Tell us more about when you were young.” My older son wanted to hear stories of mischief.

I told them how my brother loudly called another woman at Arby’s a “deadbeat.” She had ordered fruit punch with her meal. Apparently, she had made reservations at this fast food place that included a guaranteed serving of fruit punch. When the teen-age cashier broke the bad news that Arby’s was out of fruit punch the woman reverted into a two-year-old and pitched a fit.

I had missed the beginning of this exchange and quietly asked my brother what was going on. As he was in line behind this scene, which only delayed his order, he loudly announced, “This deadbeat can’t get any fruit punch!”

Shades of E.F. Hutton – the place got very quiet. Other customers had avoided eye contact with the whining adult but the sound of a boy loudly saying what everyone was thinking turned heads.

Seeing she was now the center of unwanted attention, the woman regained some composure, quickly switched her beverage selection and found a seat. A round a smiles on the house.

My boys loved that story.

Then I told them about the time my friends and I played commandos and snuck through neighbors’ yards at night. It was summer and windows were open so it could have been easy to get caught.

“Oh, you mean Special Ops forces, right” the older one asked.

Uh, sure. Have you been watching CNN?

“Did you get caught, dad?” the younger one asked.

At first, no. We were having so much fun we figured it would only be smart to invite others to join us. Two’s company but five’s a loud group of kids. I explained how we had almost made it through a backyard on our stomachs in the dark when one of our new recruits banged into a fence. The couple that lived in the house turned on all the outside lights and proceeded to chew us out.

My younger son couldn’t contain himself.

“Dad, dad, let me tell one!”

Sure

Younger son: “One time my brother and I were walking on the hill behind our house.”

Older son (very quickly): “I think he only wants to hear true stories. Dad, we’re just telling true stories, right?”

Younger son: “This is true.”

Older son: “No it’s not.”

Me: “Hey, how do you know? He hasn’t even told us the story yet.”

Younger son: “So my brother and I were walking. I was following him. There were some flowers. We walked through them.”

Older son: “I’m not sure this really happened.”

Me: “When was this?”

Younger son: “This summer.”

Older son: (very quiet but displaying a small grin)

Me: “And what happened?”

Younger son: “Oh, this man came out and yelled at us to get out of his flowers.”

Me: “Really?”

Both of them are giggling uncontrollably. The man who owned the garden is retired, drives a huge Lincoln Town Car and chomps on unlit cigars all the time. He must have seemed larger than life to two boys.

He’s also a very nice guy. I had to laugh. They laughted.

We told stories for two hours.

2003-02-28T21:59:00.000-06:00

After a long day of training at my second job, I headed home and straight to the ice garden near my house. My older son had hockey practice. I was very tired. After I got his skates laced and helmet snapped I left the locker room to go watch the Zamboni do its thing.

I find the process of a Zamboni resurfacing the ice relaxing, seeing the rough ice disappear beneath a cold layer of water. When I play bandy I love those first few moments on the ice after the Zamboni has exited the rink. You can see the water freeze. The puddles disappear. You're skating on glass.

I've always wanted to drive a Zamboni. A good driver can resurface the ice in a way that his last swipe of the ice leads right past the doors and into the garage. The drivers at the ice garden by my house haven't figured this out. When the last bit of rough ice has been tamed, the Zamboni and it's clueless driver are at the opposite end of the rink from the garage.

What's the key to doing it right? After cleaning the perimeter, the driver should make the dissecting path away from the garage door, not toward the garage door. If you've ever watched ice resurfacing you know what I mean.

2003-02-26T11:48:00.000-06:00

The governor says we can't spend more than we have. Heavens! The sky is certainly falling. Here's a letter to the editor of the Minneapolis Star Tribune:

As a child, I remember public libraries being open on weekday evenings, but bookstores having normal business hours. Today, it is the bookstores that have the extended hours and the libraries that are closed. Maybe we should rethink our priorities.

The writer lives in Edina.

The publicly funded Southdale Library in Edina is open these hours: Monday through Thursday 10-9, Friday 10-5, Saturday 10-5 and Sunday 12-5. This is 63 hours per week.

Two blocks away sits a Barnes & Noble bookstore. It's open for business these hours: Monday through Friday 10 - 9, Saturday 10 - 6 and Sunday 12 - 5 for a whopping 68 hours per week. (Oh, and it has to turn a profit to stay in business.) Barnes & Noble generates revenue for the state and city by way of property and sales taxes.

Where does the letter writer think operating funds for the library come from?

2003-02-25T21:07:00.000-06:00

I'm enjoying a beer right now. At my advanced age, this could mean three trips to the can tonight. That never happened in college. Of course, one doesn't need to get up to pee if one is passed out.

At least I never wet the bed.

Like my younger son did two nights in a row last week.

Why he did that, I don't know. Washing linen nightly isn't fun. Fortunately, I don't think he's having any "issues." Not that that after school special about the kid who wet his bed and his mom hung the wet sheets out the window to embarrass him didn’t go through my mind once or twice.

If you don't remember that show, the kid was cured of his problem when he fell asleep in a bed in a department store. And he woke up dry. It turns out he was sleeping in a tiny little bed and his bladder was rebelling. Once he told his parents what happened they rushed out and bought him a big boy bed. Problem solved in 30 minutes (including commercials).

I didn’t have to have my son spend the night at Dayton’s. Instead, I made sure he made a final trip to the bathroom before going to bed.

And, in the “two birds with one stone” department, I’ve also taken care of another problem at the same time.

“Will you tuck me in?”

Yes. Good night.

“Will you get me a drink?”

Remember what happened the other night?

“Oh, yeah. I’m not thirsty anyway.”

I thought so. Love you. Good night.

2003-02-25T20:27:00.000-06:00

This writer's glass is never even close to half full. Or half empty. It's not even bone dry - it's smashed to pieces all over the floor. A letter to the editor in the Minneapolis Star Tribune

Cutting taxes based on state ranking, pursued to its logical conclusion by all states, would cause a frenzied downward spiral to mediocrity, then failure, then, ultimately, to zero government spending as each state, elevated in turn to a high ranking by other states' tax and spending cuts, would then seek to lower its own ranking by leapfrogging down the scale, and so on until all states are tied for first -- and last -- place.

This may well be the conservatives' goal; if so, I ask only that they not insult me by attempting to advance their agenda through the lifeless, simplistic ranking argument.

Here's another way to look at it: Minnesota could spend less and Mississippi could spend more. It doesn't have to ultimately lead to the cellar.

2003-02-23T16:20:00.000-06:00

Take drugs. Get paid. Or: Take drugs, get naked, attack a cop, try to get his gun, say you were just "asking for help" and then get paid.

2003-02-23T16:14:00.000-06:00

Dude! Watch thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis...

2003-02-23T16:00:00.000-06:00

The always interesting Smarter Harper's Index has its March edition up now.

2003-02-23T15:58:00.000-06:00

NPR had a sad report on the air this morning. It seems that women over age 65 are the least represented segment of people using the Internet. This is the "gray gap" of the "digital divide." Something like only 14 percent of women over 65 use the Internet.

Somehow, the report failed to use the word "disenfranchised." But the reporter did manage to find some old Russian woman (with a thick accent) who said she just wasn't brought up to use something like the Web.

No word on what percentage of this victim group use library cards, snowboards or shotguns.

Maybe someone should start a collection (better yet - a new tax) so that these ladies can learn what the rest of us all know: where to find porn, the secrets of instant wealth and how to add three inches to... Yes, a mind without access to the Internet is a terrible thing to waste.

2003-02-21T12:41:00.000-06:00

Do grown ups write this stuff? No wonder they think they can just "imagine peace."

(Star Tribune) President Bush has been having a spot of trouble with Turkey, it seems; Ankara has stalled on inviting the U.S. Fourth Infantry Division to use the country as a staging ground for a possible war with Iraq. Apparently the Turks want more than the $32 billion in aid the United States has offered in an effort to buy the invitation; they're holding out for more. Some experts say having Turkey aboard for the war is critical; others say it would be helpful but is not essential. We have another idea.

A number of governors, economists, Democrats in Congress and others have urged Bush repeatedly to help the states -- which can't run deficits -- with their enormous budget problems, the worst since World War II. Also, Bush has been criticized for not getting promised homeland-defense funding to states and cities. All of this has fallen on deaf ears.

So here's a deal Bush might not be able to refuse: Minnesota has a $4.5 billion budget problem. We haven't checked with Gov. Tim Pawlenty, but we're pretty sure he'd agree that Minnesota will take the Fourth Division off Bush's hands for a mere $5 billion, saving the federal treasury $27 billion. Surely Bush could find some way to distribute that money to America's poorest millionaires.

Some might object that Minnesota is a long way from Iraq, we realize. But there's a simple answer: Canada, sleeping giant to the north. It might wake up.

This explains why these are the same people who think "imagine peace" will give concrete results.

2003-02-18T15:10:00.000-06:00

My bandy season is over. We lost both games of a double header over the weekend.

My eight-year-old son wishes his hockey season were over.

He’s an ambitious sort. He loves to play hockey. He quickly picked up on the fact that all skaters except one take turns playing. You sit in the box then you play hockey. After a few minutes, you sit in the box again while other players skate.

Except the goalie.

He stays on the ice the entire game. So my son volunteered to be goalie. He likes all the extra gear he gets to wear. Of course, I’m the one who carries it in from the car and puts it on him.

His team’s first two games went okay. The puck spent equal time in each end of the rink. The Bears tended to outscore the opponents. But this weekend was a little different. The Eagles had a few fast skaters. And there was that puck magnet buried in the ice. In the Bears’ net, obviously.

Get out the old sports pages. Find the adverbs. Defeated. Whipped. Crushed. Blanked. Take your pick.

The fun part about being the goalie is being on the ice for the entire game. This works when you’re team keeps the puck in the other end.

The bad part about being the goalie is being on the ice for the entire game. This is what happens when it seems like the other team is using more than one puck and more than five players.

Even his six-year-old brother, who normally cheers loudest for the opposing team, knew to keep his mouth shut. A sharp blow from a goalie’s blocking glove hurts, don’t you know.

But there’s nothing that can’t be made better by a hand full of coins and a trip to the vending machines after the game.

Showing unusual maturity, he now realizes that with a score of a bazillion to one, he got a bazillion times more practice than the other goalie. If you’re going to spend the whole game on the ice, it’s better to be doing something instead of watching from afar.

2003-02-18T14:54:00.000-06:00

Tee hee hee.

(Washington Post) The Rev. Al Sharpton's presidential bid is sending shudders through the Democrats' rank and file, who fear that his fiery, racial rhetoric could divide their party and lead to defeat in 2004.

"This is not good for our party. This could take us back to the 1980s when Jesse Jackson's candidacy divided the electorate and led us down the road to defeat," said a Democratic adviser and campaign strategist who did not want to be identified.

They're going to wish Jackson was running.

2003-02-16T12:45:00.000-06:00

My sister started her own blog. This will force me to post more often in order to maintain some semblance of a sibling rivalry.

I know the meaning of her blog address and the title. Maybe she'll share with others?

2003-02-09T08:34:00.000-06:00

Heh, heh, heh. Want to see some pictures of nekkid wimmin? This is the Internet, after all. Here are two (1) (2). Judging by what they're doing in the pictures I'd say most of them have to be blond.

2003-02-08T11:19:00.000-06:00

Y'all don't mind if I open up one of these, do you? (via Sgt. Stryker)

2003-02-07T08:38:00.000-06:00

Can't cut it in a Minnesota school? Why, just go to North Dakota! That's what one Minnesota principal proposes.

(Star Tribune) Richard Lundgren, [Eagle Valley Secondary School principal], refuses to take the chance that she or any struggling student might not graduate because they couldn't pass Minnesota's basic-skills tests. He is offering them an escape: a North Dakota high school diploma.

Some kids can be strong students but terrible testers, he said. Requiring that every student pass the skills tests to graduate is grossly unfair, he believes.

So rather than let his students twist in the wind over whether they passed the tests, he is encouraging them to consider taking a course or two through an independent study center in Fargo, N.D., a move that would allow them to earn a diploma there.

Maybe if Missy gets into Harvard the dean will let her take tests at a local community college.

2003-02-07T08:19:00.000-06:00

Such a brisk day.

This morning I got in to my car which was parked in my attached garage. The temperature in the Multi-Function Indicator read 12. That's 12 above zero. As I drove down my street the temperature started dropping like a JDAM over Baghdad.

It bottomed out at -14. A twenty-six degree drop in just a few minutes.

I bundled up pretty good for the walk from the parking ramp to my office. Eddie Bauer down parka, silk long underwear and boots. I seriously wonder about the mental capacity of the guy I saw wearing a thin leather coat, dress shoes and knit gloves. I'm assuming the wind blew his hat off and he couldn't retrieve it 'cause he'd be really nuts to be outside this morning without one on purpose.

2003-02-04T08:25:00.000-06:00

A long time for uncomfortable, door-facing silence.

(Wired) Long imagined by science-fiction writers but seen by others as hopelessly far-fetched, the space-elevator concept has advanced dramatically in recent years along with leaps forward in the design of carbon nanotubes. Using the lightweight, strong carbon material, it's feasible to talk of building a meter-wide "ribbon" that would start on a mobile ocean platform at the equator, west of Ecuador, and extend 62,000 miles up into space.

2003-02-01T11:06:00.000-06:00

Space Shuttle Columbia has broken up in flight. All on board are lost.

12,500 MPH. 200,000 foot reported altitude. Doesn't Fox news have enough sense to stop reporting that "search and rescue" teams are being activated.

And there are those who say it's Bush's fault. And No doubt disappointed that no homless person was struck by falling debris.

2003-01-31T14:20:00.000-06:00

It's my blog anniversary. I started one year ago today.