Posted 8/18/2003 02:32:00 PM by Bob
A weekend in Chicago. Me. My mom. No children. Heaven! I missed Bob and the kids. I missed the dog, but it is so enjoyable to go shopping without someone(s) whining. It's nice to go to dinner whenever you want, and not even worry about a kids menu. It's nice to sleep when you want, watch TV that doesn't involve The Cartoon Network or Nickelodeon. It's also nice to come home to peace.

We stayed in downtown Chicago. 3 Blocks from Lake Michigan and about 3 blocks from Michigan Avenue. There was the constant sound of sirens and horns honking. Everyone honks their horn in Chicago. I wasn't even sure sometimes why they were honking. The sirens were non-stop. I suppose sirens are typical in an urban setting. I just didn't know how constant they were. Drivers in Chicago had no patience. I almost got hit by a car that was turning a corner as I stood on the edge of a curb near a crosswalk.

The coolest thing happened though as I was sitting in a construction zone on Interstate 90 near Rockford, Illinois. Traffic was being reduced to one lane. Signs were posted. I moved to the appropriate lane, only to have other motorists come zipping up the side to squeeze in at the last moment. I hate that! The more expensive the car, the more likely the driver is to do just that. As I'm sitting patiently in line, I looked in my rearview mirror. The barrage of drivers attempting to squeeze in at the last minute had come to a halt. I wondered why. Two semi's had placed themselves side by side. No one was getting past either one of them. They kept all of the really important people who must go ahead of the rest of us, behind them. It was awesome. Just as you absolutely had to move over to the right lane, one of the truckers let the other trucker in. It was a beautiful thing. I didn't even mind sitting in traffic after I saw what they had done. One of the trucks was from Slumberland. I know where I'm buying my next furniture.

More later....

Posted 8/13/2003 02:50:00 PM by Bob
Imagine that I found this blog at a garage sale. I dusted it off, removed the cob webs and am going to take over.

Hi! I'm Trivialbob's wife. He ran low on blogging energy. He hasn't blogged in almost 2 months. I have had ideas, but he was my creative outlet. I'm not nearly as talented a writer as he is, or his sister www.crazyweiler.com or his dad, who had a guest junket on her site. Check it out, they are both great writers. I am mediocre. While my husband and sister in law were learning about nouns and pronouns from their father during childhood, I was learning how to fish. I live with the grammar police (my husband) and he lives with someone who can't sit still. I always need to be doing something.

This summer, I have worked evenings, and hung out with my kids Matt-9, and Jack-7 during the day. Today, I learned why when I was a child, my mom couldn't wait for us to go back to school. The boys fought, whined, and whined some more. They are now in their rooms, hopefully sleeping. This mean old mom made them take a nap. We now have a "Worst mom in the world" trophy to go with Bob's "Worst dad in the world" trophy.

The good part about being home all summer, is that it really hasn't been all that bad. Actually, it's been very very good. The first two months was baseball for the boys 4 nights a week. We've been swimming, and Jack has found countless frogs, toads and other bugs. As always, he asks: "Can I keep it as a pet?" If we kept everything he caught as a pet, we'd have to move to a farm.

More later. I'm off to Chicago for the weekend.

Posted 6/14/2003 09:40:00 AM by Bob
I'm running low on blogging energy. I still read Instapundit and Lileks (who doesn't) but with baseball games four nights a week I just haven't had the energy or time to contribute to my own blog. Oh, and I've been busy at work so even the speedy Internete connection doesn't hold much attraction.

My sister on the other hand is blogging away. She's part of the Blogspot Jihad and has moved off blogger. Her new site is here. Comments, pictures, no Blogger. The only thing missing (for now) is a tip jar. And a link in Instapundit.

Posted 6/11/2003 06:55:00 AM by Bob

(Star Tribune) Just about every day, Monica Lewis pauses before her dining room buffet. A get-out-the-vote flier from just before the 2002 election bears a photograph of the late Sen. Paul Wellstone and a quotation: "The future will belong to those who have passion, and to those who are willing to make the personal commitment to make our country better."

She's part of the WWWD crowd. I sarcastically thought, "Yeah, and she probably has candles and incense on the buffet." Read on.

The pamphlet is flanked by candles and an old campaign button. Would she call it a shrine?

"What is a shrine?" asks Lewis, a staff attorney for Volunteers of America. "It's a physical manifestation of a person who espoused ideals that I cherish and want to follow, and if that's a shrine, fine. Call it a shrine."

Okay, it's a shrine. You know, in a few years children around here will start to think Minnesota's capital city was named in honor of the late senator.

Posted 5/27/2003 09:32:00 AM by Bob
An AP photo of a burning "Humvee." Well, it's not a 300mm pistol. But it's certainly not a Humvee, either. A quick Google search comes up with this vehicle: HEMTT.

Posted 5/27/2003 08:49:00 AM by Bob
I love reading Professor Bunyip's blog. Here's a beautiful sample:

Anyone who works on the theory that you get what you pay for can't be too surprised by Blogger's recent problems. They've driven Tim Blair to a new home and tempted the Professor to follow suit. Unfortunately, despite donning a pair of elephantine trousers, borrowing a back-the-front baseball cap from young Master Bunyip, and addressing his computer his "dude", all that slash-dot-font-template stuff at Moveable Type was incomprensible when the Professor logged on early in the evening. It was even moreso after a bottle of red, several ports, an Irish coffee, a few more ports and, ill-advisedly, a long telephone conversation with Mrs. Bunyip's youngest brother, the clan's purported expert in matters cyber. The only wisdom gleaned from that exchange: An intoxicated academic should not expect sound counsel from a red-eyed young fellow whose explanations are punctuated by the background bubbling of a bong.

Posted 5/24/2003 12:05:00 PM by Bob
Minnesota recently passed a law allowing just about anyone to carry a firearm. The law says business can ban weapons at their establishments but cannot ban weapons from the parking lots (ostensibly so people have a place to secure weapons if the business prohibits them in the building).

This applies to churches as well.

At least one local church is bent out shape. Its leadership wants to also ban weapons from the parking lot. Simply asking the congregation isn’t enough.

Here’s how I picture it at my church if it goes this route.

Priest: “Hey folks, please don’t bring guns to church. Please leave them at home and not in your car when you come here. It’s just something we prefer not to have here.”

Parishioners (out loud): “I supposed we could do that. In fact, there probably aren’t even three of us in the whole church who have permits to carry.”

Parishioners (silently): “And even if I did who (besides You Know Who) would even know? They’re not searching cars as we arrive on Sunday. And I haven’t seen any press release about an 11th commandment.”

However, that’s not enough for some people. Yep – one local church has already filed a lawsuit challenging the law. It’s about the state infringing upon religious freedom, the lawsuit claims.

And Iraq was all about Bush’s blood lust for oil.

It won’t be long before others try to enforce their own views about gun control.

Why, for example, my sister has implemented a new rule at her house. She destroys all weapons she finds. Even if makes a young boy cry. Oh sure, she claims it’s about discipline and teaching lessons and crap like that.

Lucky for her a mom doesn’t have to sue anyone to enforce arbitrary, capricious “laws” in her own household.

I have an idea of something my nephew might like for a birthday present this year.

Posted 5/23/2003 08:27:00 AM by Bob
Also via Treacher, this site: Jim's Journal. This brings back some fond memories when I'd read about Jim in the Daily Cardinal. Or was it the Badger Herald?

Posted 5/23/2003 08:21:00 AM by Bob
My kid won't like this: Euthanizing Garfield? (Not that I disagree with the idea, of course.)

Posted 5/23/2003 08:11:00 AM by Bob
Baseball team pictures last night. Two lines, two photographers, two teams at a time. Twice the fun! Twice the bedlam.

My son was doing his best to be most chaotic of all. We were in a high school lunchroom. He found it interesting that he could, while I wasn't looking, make it from one end of the large room to the other -- without touching the floor. He walked on table and chairs or scooted along on his behind. (Note to the kids at Jefferson high school: I wouldn't eat any food that falls off your trays today.)

The electrons were buzzing furiously. Parents were doing their best to reign in the players. Then there was a crash, a flash and... silence. At the front of one line the photographer had stepped away and the first two boys were horsing around. They struck the tripod holding one of the cameras. It fell over in slow motion. The boys did nothing but watch. As the camera stuck the floor it snapped a picture, setting off those umbrella-like flash units.

My son was wearing a red jersey. Number 13. The two guilty youths were wearing blue jerseys. Whew. See ya. Bye.

Posted 5/22/2003 10:20:00 AM by Bob
This game brought to you by…

Last night my younger son’s mite baseball team won its first game, 19-9. He batted one for three. The run he scored made him walk a little taller. All the kids on his team got a little big for their breeches.

Speaking of breeches… Most of players wear baseball pants. White or light gray. Thin. Slightly transparent.

Each of these youngsters, now with a few runs up on the other team, swaggered to the plate. I expected to see them spit tobacco; they were so confident and grown up, what with being ahead by a few runs, you know. They scratched their cleats in the dirt and took practice swings. They crouched. And the fans got to see Superman logos, Star Wars designs, Batman and a picture of Pikachu appearing from beneath uniform pants.

None of us realized our kids have sponsors. On their underwear!

Posted 5/15/2003 11:28:00 AM by Bob
China threatens to execute SARS sufferers who spread virus -- various news sources.

Posted 5/15/2003 08:31:00 AM by Bob
Harvey Mackay, in his weekly column in the Star Tribune's business section (no link available yet), has a quote from Kemmons Wilson. Wilson is the founder of Holiday Inn. He was, judging by all the Holiday Inns dotting the landscape, quite successful. In Mackay's book, this makes him A number One.

Wilson, who never graduated from high school, was invited by his high school to give the commencement address:

"I really don't know why I'm here. I never got a diploma, and I've only worked half-days my entire life. I guess my advice to you is to do the same. Work half-days every day. And it doesn't matter which half -- the first 12 hours or the second 12 hours."

Is that something to be proud of? Mackay writes of meeting Wilson's son. Did the son mention what it was like growing up without a father around? Did the elder Wilson attend any of his son's baseball games? School programs? Family Picnics? Well, he did say it doesn't matter which twelve hours you work. Do you think Kemmons worked all night so he could visit with his family during the daylight hours?

I've stayed at Holiday Inns. Clean. Affordable. Kids stay free. Yep, my kids were with me. I guess I owe Kemmons Wilson a little thanks. Oh, if you're looking for me this evening I'll be at my son's baseball practice. I'll spend some time watching him play and then I'll spend some time on the nearby playground with my other son.

Friday afternoon you might not be able to reach me at the office. I have a different definition of working half days.

Posted 5/13/2003 11:53:00 AM by Bob
Erica Bouza, protester and wife of former Minneapolis police chief Tony Bouza (the same Tony Bouza who once denied Minneapolis had a gang problem) weighs in on gun violence in Minnesota.

Last Friday after a pleasant lunch I was able to get my entertainment on Lake Street: a shootout.

Odd. Wouldn't most people find a shootout terrifying?

It was just like the cowboy movies of my youth.

Horses on Lake Street! Where?

I had a perfect view: A young man running down the middle of the street fired three shots into a passing car. I was crouched in a doorway 10 feet away hoping I did not interest him.

Don't worry. The shooter wasn't a Star Tribune letter editor so I'm sure he had no interest in you at all.

Had I owned and carried my own gun I could have shot at any of the bystanders who were as frozen with fear as I was.

You would have fired at the innocent bystanders? Such depravity. Someone who had a conceal carry permit might have fired on the gunman to end the shootout. Or are you telling us the anti-gun lobby so intent on proving the legislators wrong that they're willing to commit gun crimes themselves?

So a vote of thanks to the National Rifle Association, the Legislature and Gov. Tim Pawlenty for passing the concealed-weapons bill.

Last I checked, the NRA can’t vote for (or against) legislation in the state of Minnesota.

Starting May 28 I should have ample opportunities, with the proliferation of handguns, to witness additional shootouts -- perhaps even in my own back yard, which will save me having to leave my own neighborhood.

Only as long as there are innocent bystanders in your backyard. Judging by your earlier statement, that's whom you'd shoot at, right?

Or perhaps I will just move back to New York.

One can only hope.

Posted 5/09/2003 08:39:00 AM by Bob
The national pastime. (Sigh.)

This year my sons’ baseball practices are 90 minutes instead of the hour I had braced myself for.

Rush home from work so we have time to eat and complete homework (homework done after a long practice is homework the dog should have eaten).

Rush to find baseball equipment. Six- and eight-year-old boys are genetically programmed to lose mitts, mislay cleats and hide jerseys after each use. I’m thinking about some sort of deposit system. I’ll hold hostage all the PlayStation games and GameBoy cartridges. Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh cards will also be my captives. Release will be conditional on properly stored athletic equipment.

Can’t find your jersey? Then you won’t mind if I use the PS2 for a bookend. Oh, you found your jersey already?

Want to know how to piss off a six-year-old? Repeatedly refer to Yu-Gi-Oh cards as “You-Go-Guy” cards. Not only does my boy not find humor in this, he thinks his father is just so lame for laughing at this “joke.”

I’m chuckling right now.

This year the local athletic league decided that even kids in the mite league must wear protective cups. Properly referred to as “nut-cups” in first graders’ vernacular, their function is two-fold: protect and amuse.

There’s a new sound on the old ball field. You have the traditional(?) ping of aluminum bats, the smack of baseballs caught in leather mitts and now the sound of little knuckles rapping on armored groins.

When we get home, this object will surely be misplaced. I don’t need for the boys to have a PlayStation; consequently, it will never be lost. The kids aren’t allowed on the diamond without a cup.

I’d better leave work early so we have more time to look.

Posted 5/08/2003 05:13:00 PM by Bob
"It's a total quagmire. It's like, totally, Vietnam all over again, dude," he said, adding: "NOT."

Posted 5/07/2003 08:29:00 AM by Bob
After Lileks ripped on some talk radio callers (I don't disagree with him) my sister commented on this and Soucheray.

I also listen to a lot of local talk radio. Garage Logic(tm) is a very popular afternoon show here, but I would never call in because the host, Joe Soucheray, always sounds like a jerk to his callers. Every time he answers a call he sounds annoyed, as if the worst part of his job was dealing with the morons who want to agree with him on some particular point. Soucheray is entertaining on his own (his sidekick, The Rookie...yawn) but I change the station when he's taking calls because it's almost painful to listen to him snip at people as they thank him for taking their call.

I agree. I enjoy the show but dislike listening to Joe take calls almost as much as I dislike the callers. You know what guys? Soucheray gets off when you call and start your Harley for him but over the airwaves, they all sound the same: awful.

As much as I enjoy some of his rants I'm glad I've never met Soucheray. I'm pretty sure I'd detest him in person.

Posted 5/07/2003 08:13:00 AM by Bob

(Reuters) - First Sheryl Crow had to go. Then Barbie's pregnant friend was shunned. Now, Wal-Mart Stores Inc. the world's biggest retailer, is axing three men's magazines known for cover photos of scantily-clad models.

Wal-Mart has pulled Maxim and Stuff magazines, published by Dennis Publishing, and Emap Metro LLC's FHM magazine from its shelves, saying some customers were uncomfortable with their covers.

What about Cosmo and Vogue? They don't have much in the way of "covers" either.

Posted 5/07/2003 08:08:00 AM by Bob
Check date on wall calendar: May 7. My watch is displaying 5-07. Float my cursor over my PC clock and it tells me today is Wednesday, May 07, 2003. Not one of them is trying to tell me it's April 1st.

So explain this.

It's not even an old graphic because the caption on the photograph reads May 6.

Still trying to think of a joke about all the crap on the internet.

Posted 5/06/2003 10:26:00 AM by Bob
Mitch Berg has a delightful fisking of Laura Billings of the Pioneer Press. Her editor should be required to read it. Here's my favorite point:

(Billings) -- Well, now that we've joined the 34 other states that have had this sort of legislation ramrodded through their legislatures by NRA lobbyists, the organizations and officials forced to deal with the law's implications can't help noticing it has some rather unnerving holes in it.

(Berg) -- "Ramrodded through legislatures?" As if the 35 legislatures that have adopted these laws don't have any minds of their own?

Is that Ms. Billings' position? If they're that stupid, why are they voting on taxes, either?

The rest is just as good.

Posted 5/06/2003 10:14:00 AM by Bob
Last night was the start of the baseball season. Twins and Yankees? No. Six and seven-year-old kids. The Raiders. You've heard of them, no?

Get home from work. Take son to practice. Notice there was no mention of dinner between those two events.

Conditions: 50 degrees, wet with dark, heavy clouds hanging low over the field. The Northwest jets on approach to MSP probably had a hard time breaking through. All this after two days of rain.

Mudville - Yes. Joy? Call me Casey.

The eight and nine-year old kids start tonight. My other son is in that league. The good news is that we won't start until 7:00 PM which give me time to eat dinner. The bad news is that the weather gets and extra 90 minutes to get colder and wetter and the clouds have time to curdle. I defy anyone at the field to figure out when the sun actually sets.

Posted 5/02/2003 09:00:00 AM by Bob
Right arm: gone. Balls: huge.

(Aspen Times) Aspen resident Aron Ralston amputated his right arm below the elbow with a pocketknife yesterday in order to free himself from an 800-pound boulder that had him pinned down since last Saturday in a remote slot canyon of Canyonlands National Park, Utah.

Ralston, 27, an accomplished mountaineer, fashioned a tourniquet on the arm and then rigged a 60-foot rappel down a cliff face to begin the hike back to civilization.

Posted 5/02/2003 08:08:00 AM by Bob
Tim Blair today:

IN MADISON, Wisconsin, a Daniel Pipes lecture attracts the usual anti-freedom screech bunnies. How he puts up with this, I have no idea.

Madison is my alma mater. Click on the "Pipes" link for to see a few photos of Memorial Union (a place where I worked for a bit during college).

Posted 5/02/2003 08:04:00 AM by Bob
I'm Japan.

Posted 5/01/2003 01:33:00 PM by Bob
Frank has all you need to know about SARS right here.

Posted 5/01/2003 01:15:00 PM by Bob
A little treasure from the editorial staff at my local newspaper, the Minneapolis Star Tribune. Finding it funny that anti-spam software would be solicited via, you guessed it, a spam e-mail. The editorial staff has this comment:

How outrageous: a cynical attempt to sell a cure that only makes the disease worse. You hardly ever see that, outside of concealed-carry laws.

Minnesota's recently passed concealed carry law hasn't even gone into effect yet but the Strib staff already knows the carnage that lies ahead when licensed gun owners are free to roam.

It will be interesting a year from now if the editorial staff can write "We told you so! We told you so!" next to a story showing that licensed gun owners have actually killed more people can committed more crimes than the current group of non-licensed gun carriers.

Posted 5/01/2003 01:04:00 PM by Bob
It's always funny when someone writes to the Minneapolis Star Tribune and complains that that liberal newspaper is too conservative, pro big business, etc. Why, here's one now.

I am very disappointed in the Star Tribune's Saturday editorial supporting a study of whether phosphorus should be removed from dishwashing detergent.

First, the best, most economical solution to pollution is prevention. If we accept that phosphorus, in concentrations too high to be handled by the natural systems, is a pollutant, then it only makes sense to remove it from products that do not need it. Prevention is what is being proposed in the bill removing phosphorus from dishwashing detergent. If phosphorus is not in the products we purchase it won't get in the environment in quantities large enough to be a pollutant.

Boom. Shoots herself in the foot in the second paragraph. Why, whoever needs a study when you can "accept" the "facts" you prefer.

Posted 4/29/2003 08:44:00 AM by Bob
Osama's Pyrrhic victory

(Reuters) Ousting U.S. troops from Saudi Arabia became the battle cry of Saudi-born militant Osama bin Laden and his al Qaeda network, blamed by Washington for the September 11, 2001 attacks on the United States.

Get out, infidels! Fine, have it your way.

The United States said on Tuesday it was ending military operations in Saudi Arabia and removing virtually all of its forces from the kingdom by mutual agreement following the Iraq war.

Posted 4/25/2003 12:56:00 PM by Bob
The Minnesota House passes a bill authorizing the concealed carry of handguns. Chances are the law could be enacted as soon as next week. The Star-Tribune prints a letter from someone who isn't happy about it:

In the days of increased security measures and terrorism warnings, I can't believe our state government is actually thwarting law enforcement's efforts to keep people safe. I am now more scared of my fellow Minnesotans than of any terrorist group.

I picture the letter-writer's fear list like this:

- Minnesotans who tote guns
- all Minnesotans (you never know who has a gun; they're concealed)
- snakes and spiders (tie)
- any terrorist group
- monsters under the bed
- her own shadow

Posted 4/24/2003 08:11:00 AM by Bob
Weather radar or missle defense system. You decide:

(Pioneer Press) "This thing is so powerful," said [KSTP-TV weatherman Dave] Dahl, "where a 350,000- watt system can penetrate through one or maybe two storms, this, concentrates 32 billion watts through a 1-degree beam. That means it can penetrate up to five storms."

This may also explain why my coffee isn't getting cold sitting on my desk.

Posted 4/23/2003 12:38:00 PM by Bob
How to celebrate Earth Day in Madison, Wisconsin...

(Badger Herald) Students living in the Langdon Street neighborhood awoke Tuesday to find nearly all of the area's sport utility vehicles and minivans had deflated tires.

Many of the students speculated that the suspects were trying to make a political statement coinciding with Tuesday's Earth Day. Police have not arrested anyone in connection with the incident but said they anticipate that an environmental group might soon claim responsibility.

TKE fraternity resident advisor Chuck Radtke, who found one of his Jeep Cherokee Sport tires deflated, said area residents had mixed reactions to the vandalism.

I imagine a few of the Langdon street frat boys will actually be pressing the gas just a little harder today and maybe taking an extra 10 MPG ride around the block before parking their noble steeds.

Posted 4/22/2003 12:13:00 PM by Bob
The Minneapolis Star Tribune prints another snotty little letter to the editor from another disguntled democrat:

Happy hunting -- I would like to wish President Bush a belated happy Easter and hope that he had better luck finding the pretty eggs than he has had finding Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein.

I'm not counting on the president to find OBL or SH because now, much like the easter bunny, they only exist in peoples' minds. Or, you know, just like Paul Wellstone even though his pretty green campaign signs still dot the landscape.

Posted 4/22/2003 10:45:00 AM by Bob
The best thing about the protest at Agusta:

(Charleston Post and Courier) AUGUSTA--It was a tough battle Saturday -- not between the golfers -- but between reporters and police officers over who had a larger presence at the protest just down the road from Augusta National Golf Club.

Throughout the morning, law enforcement officers stood on the perimeter of the five-acre field. At no point did the protest turn violent, though officers escorted Heywood Jablome away after he held up a sign directly in front of Burk that read "Make me dinner" before shouting "Oprah rules."

There was no word on the whereabouts of his friend I.P. Freeley.

Posted 4/19/2003 10:22:00 AM by Bob
One of the funniest Fiskings I've ever read. Tim Blair writes:

Robert Fisk - now revealed, as if there were any doubt, to be pathologically incapable of accuracy - might be using something special as well. Imagine if he was a sports writer: "The Anaheim Angels have won the 2002 World Series after a 620-mile David Eckstein centerfield blast drove in all 36 base runners late in the 89th innings. The diminutive (3' 2") Eckstein punched the air with all four fists as he rounded 17th base, his interstate swat having delivered the series to the Angels and earning Eckstein the MVHA (Most Valuable Human Alive) award for the 110th consecutive year. He celebrated by invading Palestine."

Posted 4/16/2003 08:02:00 AM by Bob
An appropriate name for a fund that loses all your money (scroll down to second item).

Posted 4/12/2003 09:01:00 PM by Bob
Shagadelic Hussein.

Posted 4/12/2003 10:00:00 AM by Bob
I haven’t blogged in a while. Okay, a long while. I know. I’ve been reminded. What’s my excuse?

Well, I’d like to blame my younger son. Back on March 29 he started explaining how his transformer toys work. Each one. In detail. In excruciating detail.

He just finished this morning.

Those little toys can be manipulated in a lot of different things. And it can take a a while for a six-year-old a to explain them all.

I'll be back to regular posting tomorrow.

Posted 3/29/2003 04:07:00 PM by Bob
The new Northwest Airlines color scheme.

Posted 3/29/2003 04:05:00 PM by Bob
A sign of the apocalypse?

I can tell what my older son had for lunch simply by looking at his shirt. I'm expecting a bill from the school to replace all the playground sand that he has brought home in his shoes.

The other day he got dressed all by himself and combed his hair. Rumbles were heard beneath the earth.

Then he said to his mom, "Do I look okay?"

Posted 3/26/2003 12:14:00 PM by Bob
Listening to the BBC this morning I hear the announcer hyperventilating at the report of two missiles that killed 14 or 15 civilians. Our breathless announcer tells us the UN is begging both sides to respect civilian populations.

The BBC makes no mention of what the Iraq government is doing, like firing artillery at Iraqis in Basra:

A British officer outside the strategic city of 1.5 million people said "there has been a civilian uprising in the north of Basra". He added: "We have seen a large crowd on the streets. The Iraqis are firing their own artillery at their own people. There will be carnage."

Andrew Sullivan is right.

Posted 3/23/2003 10:31:00 AM by Bob
Joe Soucheray, on the Academy Awards:

The people who do attend have been asked to wear a new ribbon this year to show their opposition to the war in Iraq. If they wear all their other ribbons — AIDs, breast cancer awareness, free the trees — they will look like the decorated soldiers they oppose.

Posted 3/22/2003 08:50:00 AM by Bob
I'm back from vacation.

My wife and two sons and I went to Disney World and Cocoa Beach. I've never been to Disney World. I was told many good things about it.

It far exceeded my expectations.

The people who work there are wonderful. They are happy to serve and keep the place spotless. I wanted for nothing. Oh, okay, 50-cent beers would have been nice. But I’m picking nits.

There was so much to do. I think we could have spent a month there before we’d tire. And it wasn’t even all the glamour and glitter. My younger son was amazed by all the little lizards running around. “Dad, will they let me bring one of these on the plane?” He vigilantly watched the bushes and trees for the little critters. They were all too fast for him so none of them got to fly Northwest.

We went to one theme park in the mornings and another in the evenings. Lunch was punctuated by naps. Cries of “I’m not tired!” were quickly followed by the sounds of little bodies sliding into sheets and deep snores.

While we were there, the Orlando paper ran a story about how jitters of the impending war were hurting tourism. The lines for rides were long but not too bad. But there’s a little secret to even shorter lines.

"Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” This is part of the poem by Emma Lazarus, inscribe at the Statue of Liberty. Coincidentally, it also seems to be the minimum requirement in most states to get a handicap-parking permit. Disney lets folks with handicap cards and wheelchairs scoot to the front of the line at some rides. I don’t mind that too much but when seven or eleven friends accompany the person in the wheel chair, you have to stop and wonder. I saw one young girl sitting in a rented wheelchair whining, “When can I get out of this.” I wanted to put my hand on her forehead and yell, “Walk, child! Walk, and be free!” It would have worked.

Transportation at Disney is free. It was easy to get around anywhere. The monorail is fun. The kids liked it, especially the time we got to sit in the front car with the operator. The buses are clean. At night, though, buses were just like any bus I’ve ridden at night in Minneapolis. On one ride, we had a group of drunken soldiers on leave. This was when we were waiting for the other shoe to drop on Saddam. The soldiers were a bunch of jerks but with the war looming no one wanted to say a word to them.

Another nighttime bus ride found us with a large contingent of cheerleaders in town for some competition. Riding a crowded bus, surrounded by many scantily dressed eighteen year old cheerleaders. How bad can that be? I found out. They practiced cheers on the bus. Loudly. Seeing them is one thing, hearing them is another.

After Disney, we spent a night in Cocoa Beach. It was spring break and we saw a good number of college students. I worried that we wouldn’t have any peace and quiet but my worries were unfounded. The students kept to themselves.

The jellyfish didn’t. A million of them died and washed up on shore the day we were there. They weren’t the kind that sting, we were told. We waded around a bit and the boys played in the sand, all the while avoiding the jellyfish.

The Holiday Inn had “Kid Suites,” a neat idea. Our room had a king sized bed and then a separate area with bunk beds. The kids had their own light and their own TV. They loved it. It was the perfect end to a perfect trip.

Posted 3/09/2003 09:31:00 AM by Bob
I'm taking some time off. See you a week from today. Thanks for stopping by.

Posted 3/09/2003 09:22:00 AM by Bob
Human "shields" duly fisked.

Posted 3/09/2003 09:00:00 AM by Bob
This is news?

(CBS) (WASHINGTON) The Central Intelligence Agency has warned that terrorists based in Iraq are planning attacks against American and allied forces inside the country after any invasion, The New York Times says in a story on its Web site, prepared for its Sunday editions. The Times cites government counterterrorism officials.

Well, it is a war. That would seem like a no brainer. But what about the Iraqi military? Oh, they're already busy surrendering:

(Sunday Mirror) (via Instapundit) TERRIFIED Iraqi soldiers have crossed the Kuwait border and tried to surrender to British forces - because they thought the war had already started.

The motley band of a dozen troops waved the white flag as British paratroopers tested their weapons during a routine exercise.

The stunned Paras from 16 Air Assault Brigade were forced to tell the Iraqis they were not firing at them, and ordered them back to their home country telling them it was too early to surrender.

Posted 3/09/2003 08:46:00 AM by Bob
Amnesty International, Department of Irony:

(Star Tribune/AP) A terror suspect in U.S. detention at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, tried to commit suicide, a military spokesman said Saturday.

It was the 21st suicide attempt at the camp since it was set up in January 2002. The detainee, who attempted suicide Friday, was treated at the U.S. naval base hospital and was under medical observation, the spokesman, Lt. Col. Barry Johnson, said by telephone from the base.

Amnesty International has demanded an inquiry into whether U.S. interrogation methods were contributing to the suicide attempts. U.S. officials insist the questioning is humane.

AI could have just asked Jimmy Fallon: "They're suicide bombers. They hate living conditions."

Posted 3/09/2003 08:30:00 AM by Bob
The best explanation of why an invasion of Iraq is necessary. It's long but well worth reading.

Posted 3/05/2003 02:40:00 PM by Bob
You don't need to make a federal case out of it, do you? Oh, I guess you do.

Posted 3/05/2003 09:24:00 AM by Bob
Always room for a new good acronym. In Tim Blair's blog today:

AUSTRALIAN PRIME MINISTER John Howard was this morning confronted with the views of human shield Donna Mulhearn, the STUPID (Short-Term Utility Pod - Iraq Division) currently in Baghdad awaiting personal installation of US military hardware.

Posted 3/05/2003 08:20:00 AM by Bob
My boys and I went out to dinner the other night at the Shanty Town Grill. Why that name, I don’t know. The building was constructed with materials that I would expect to see in a modern American structure: wood, glass and masonry. I detected no hint of tarpaper, cardboard or corrugated steel.

The kitchen provides the usual American fare: burgers and fries. The bar provides the universal fare: drinks.

It was snowing lightly as we walked in from the cold. We had never been here before. My eight-year-old son was amused by the screen door that preceded the wooden door. “Just like a house!”

We found a booth. The place was quiet. The kids were hungry. They never seem to mind waiting for menus or sodas but the time between “I’ll have…” and “Careful, that plate is hot” is an eternity to them. When they’re really hungry it’s two eternities.

And yes, they always touch the plate as soon as the server tells them to watch out.

But they were patient that night. I kept waiting for the dam to break and the complaining or fighting to start.

It never happened.

The food arrived in short order. As we ate, we talked. The six-year-old carefully unwrapped his straw. I thanked him for remembering for not blowing the wrapper off and having it land who knows where.

I remembered a time when my brother and I rode our bikes to Arby’s when we were young. I must have been around fourteen years old at the time and my brother ten. He carefully unwrapped one end of his straw then promptly blew the wrapper on to the table next to us. A mom with two little daughters was quite irritated with us.

I told this story to my boys thinking it was a good lesson as to why you don’t blow straw wrappers around in restaurants.

They grinned and said, “Tell us more about when you were young.” My older son wanted to hear stories of mischief.

I told them how my brother loudly called another woman at Arby’s a “deadbeat.” She had ordered fruit punch with her meal. Apparently, she had made reservations at this fast food place that included a guaranteed serving of fruit punch. When the teen-age cashier broke the bad news that Arby’s was out of fruit punch the woman reverted into a two-year-old and pitched a fit.

I had missed the beginning of this exchange and quietly asked my brother what was going on. As he was in line behind this scene, which only delayed his order, he loudly announced, “This deadbeat can’t get any fruit punch!”

Shades of E.F. Hutton – the place got very quiet. Other customers had avoided eye contact with the whining adult but the sound of a boy loudly saying what everyone was thinking turned heads.

Seeing she was now the center of unwanted attention, the woman regained some composure, quickly switched her beverage selection and found a seat. A round a smiles on the house.

My boys loved that story.

Then I told them about the time my friends and I played commandos and snuck through neighbors’ yards at night. It was summer and windows were open so it could have been easy to get caught.

“Oh, you mean Special Ops forces, right” the older one asked.

Uh, sure. Have you been watching CNN?

“Did you get caught, dad?” the younger one asked.

At first, no. We were having so much fun we figured it would only be smart to invite others to join us. Two’s company but five’s a loud group of kids. I explained how we had almost made it through a backyard on our stomachs in the dark when one of our new recruits banged into a fence. The couple that lived in the house turned on all the outside lights and proceeded to chew us out.

My younger son couldn’t contain himself.

“Dad, dad, let me tell one!”

Sure

Younger son: “One time my brother and I were walking on the hill behind our house.”

Older son (very quickly): “I think he only wants to hear true stories. Dad, we’re just telling true stories, right?”

Younger son: “This is true.”

Older son: “No it’s not.”

Me: “Hey, how do you know? He hasn’t even told us the story yet.”

Younger son: “So my brother and I were walking. I was following him. There were some flowers. We walked through them.”

Older son: “I’m not sure this really happened.”

Me: “When was this?”

Younger son: “This summer.”

Older son: (very quiet but displaying a small grin)

Me: “And what happened?”

Younger son: “Oh, this man came out and yelled at us to get out of his flowers.”

Me: “Really?”

Both of them are giggling uncontrollably. The man who owned the garden is retired, drives a huge Lincoln Town Car and chomps on unlit cigars all the time. He must have seemed larger than life to two boys.

He’s also a very nice guy. I had to laugh. They laughted.

We told stories for two hours.

Posted 2/28/2003 09:59:00 PM by Bob
After a long day of training at my second job, I headed home and straight to the ice garden near my house. My older son had hockey practice. I was very tired. After I got his skates laced and helmet snapped I left the locker room to go watch the Zamboni do its thing.

I find the process of a Zamboni resurfacing the ice relaxing, seeing the rough ice disappear beneath a cold layer of water. When I play bandy I love those first few moments on the ice after the Zamboni has exited the rink. You can see the water freeze. The puddles disappear. You're skating on glass.

I've always wanted to drive a Zamboni. A good driver can resurface the ice in a way that his last swipe of the ice leads right past the doors and into the garage. The drivers at the ice garden by my house haven't figured this out. When the last bit of rough ice has been tamed, the Zamboni and it's clueless driver are at the opposite end of the rink from the garage.

What's the key to doing it right? After cleaning the perimeter, the driver should make the dissecting path away from the garage door, not toward the garage door. If you've ever watched ice resurfacing you know what I mean.

Posted 2/26/2003 11:48:00 AM by Bob
The governor says we can't spend more than we have. Heavens! The sky is certainly falling. Here's a letter to the editor of the Minneapolis Star Tribune:

As a child, I remember public libraries being open on weekday evenings, but bookstores having normal business hours. Today, it is the bookstores that have the extended hours and the libraries that are closed. Maybe we should rethink our priorities.

The writer lives in Edina.

The publicly funded Southdale Library in Edina is open these hours: Monday through Thursday 10-9, Friday 10-5, Saturday 10-5 and Sunday 12-5. This is 63 hours per week.

Two blocks away sits a Barnes & Noble bookstore. It's open for business these hours: Monday through Friday 10 - 9, Saturday 10 - 6 and Sunday 12 - 5 for a whopping 68 hours per week. (Oh, and it has to turn a profit to stay in business.) Barnes & Noble generates revenue for the state and city by way of property and sales taxes.

Where does the letter writer think operating funds for the library come from?

Posted 2/25/2003 09:07:00 PM by Bob
I'm enjoying a beer right now. At my advanced age, this could mean three trips to the can tonight. That never happened in college. Of course, one doesn't need to get up to pee if one is passed out.

At least I never wet the bed.

Like my younger son did two nights in a row last week.

Why he did that, I don't know. Washing linen nightly isn't fun. Fortunately, I don't think he's having any "issues." Not that that after school special about the kid who wet his bed and his mom hung the wet sheets out the window to embarrass him didn’t go through my mind once or twice.

If you don't remember that show, the kid was cured of his problem when he fell asleep in a bed in a department store. And he woke up dry. It turns out he was sleeping in a tiny little bed and his bladder was rebelling. Once he told his parents what happened they rushed out and bought him a big boy bed. Problem solved in 30 minutes (including commercials).

I didn’t have to have my son spend the night at Dayton’s. Instead, I made sure he made a final trip to the bathroom before going to bed.

And, in the “two birds with one stone” department, I’ve also taken care of another problem at the same time.

“Will you tuck me in?”

Yes. Good night.

“Will you get me a drink?”

Remember what happened the other night?

“Oh, yeah. I’m not thirsty anyway.”

I thought so. Love you. Good night.

Posted 2/25/2003 08:27:00 PM by Bob
This writer's glass is never even close to half full. Or half empty. It's not even bone dry - it's smashed to pieces all over the floor. A letter to the editor in the Minneapolis Star Tribune

Cutting taxes based on state ranking, pursued to its logical conclusion by all states, would cause a frenzied downward spiral to mediocrity, then failure, then, ultimately, to zero government spending as each state, elevated in turn to a high ranking by other states' tax and spending cuts, would then seek to lower its own ranking by leapfrogging down the scale, and so on until all states are tied for first -- and last -- place.

This may well be the conservatives' goal; if so, I ask only that they not insult me by attempting to advance their agenda through the lifeless, simplistic ranking argument.

Here's another way to look at it: Minnesota could spend less and Mississippi could spend more. It doesn't have to ultimately lead to the cellar.

Posted 2/23/2003 04:20:00 PM by Bob
Take drugs. Get paid. Or: Take drugs, get naked, attack a cop, try to get his gun, say you were just "asking for help" and then get paid.

Posted 2/23/2003 04:14:00 PM by Bob
Dude! Watch thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis...

Posted 2/23/2003 04:00:00 PM by Bob
The always interesting Smarter Harper's Index has its March edition up now.

Posted 2/23/2003 03:58:00 PM by Bob
NPR had a sad report on the air this morning. It seems that women over age 65 are the least represented segment of people using the Internet. This is the "gray gap" of the "digital divide." Something like only 14 percent of women over 65 use the Internet.

Somehow, the report failed to use the word "disenfranchised." But the reporter did manage to find some old Russian woman (with a thick accent) who said she just wasn't brought up to use something like the Web.

No word on what percentage of this victim group use library cards, snowboards or shotguns.

Maybe someone should start a collection (better yet - a new tax) so that these ladies can learn what the rest of us all know: where to find porn, the secrets of instant wealth and how to add three inches to... Yes, a mind without access to the Internet is a terrible thing to waste.

Posted 2/21/2003 12:41:00 PM by Bob
Do grown ups write this stuff? No wonder they think they can just "imagine peace."

(Star Tribune) President Bush has been having a spot of trouble with Turkey, it seems; Ankara has stalled on inviting the U.S. Fourth Infantry Division to use the country as a staging ground for a possible war with Iraq. Apparently the Turks want more than the $32 billion in aid the United States has offered in an effort to buy the invitation; they're holding out for more. Some experts say having Turkey aboard for the war is critical; others say it would be helpful but is not essential. We have another idea.

A number of governors, economists, Democrats in Congress and others have urged Bush repeatedly to help the states -- which can't run deficits -- with their enormous budget problems, the worst since World War II. Also, Bush has been criticized for not getting promised homeland-defense funding to states and cities. All of this has fallen on deaf ears.

So here's a deal Bush might not be able to refuse: Minnesota has a $4.5 billion budget problem. We haven't checked with Gov. Tim Pawlenty, but we're pretty sure he'd agree that Minnesota will take the Fourth Division off Bush's hands for a mere $5 billion, saving the federal treasury $27 billion. Surely Bush could find some way to distribute that money to America's poorest millionaires.

Some might object that Minnesota is a long way from Iraq, we realize. But there's a simple answer: Canada, sleeping giant to the north. It might wake up.

This explains why these are the same people who think "imagine peace" will give concrete results.

Posted 2/18/2003 03:10:00 PM by Bob
My bandy season is over. We lost both games of a double header over the weekend.

My eight-year-old son wishes his hockey season were over.

He’s an ambitious sort. He loves to play hockey. He quickly picked up on the fact that all skaters except one take turns playing. You sit in the box then you play hockey. After a few minutes, you sit in the box again while other players skate.

Except the goalie.

He stays on the ice the entire game. So my son volunteered to be goalie. He likes all the extra gear he gets to wear. Of course, I’m the one who carries it in from the car and puts it on him.

His team’s first two games went okay. The puck spent equal time in each end of the rink. The Bears tended to outscore the opponents. But this weekend was a little different. The Eagles had a few fast skaters. And there was that puck magnet buried in the ice. In the Bears’ net, obviously.

Get out the old sports pages. Find the adverbs. Defeated. Whipped. Crushed. Blanked. Take your pick.

The fun part about being the goalie is being on the ice for the entire game. This works when you’re team keeps the puck in the other end.

The bad part about being the goalie is being on the ice for the entire game. This is what happens when it seems like the other team is using more than one puck and more than five players.

Even his six-year-old brother, who normally cheers loudest for the opposing team, knew to keep his mouth shut. A sharp blow from a goalie’s blocking glove hurts, don’t you know.

But there’s nothing that can’t be made better by a hand full of coins and a trip to the vending machines after the game.

Showing unusual maturity, he now realizes that with a score of a bazillion to one, he got a bazillion times more practice than the other goalie. If you’re going to spend the whole game on the ice, it’s better to be doing something instead of watching from afar.

Posted 2/18/2003 02:54:00 PM by Bob
Tee hee hee.

(Washington Post) The Rev. Al Sharpton's presidential bid is sending shudders through the Democrats' rank and file, who fear that his fiery, racial rhetoric could divide their party and lead to defeat in 2004.

"This is not good for our party. This could take us back to the 1980s when Jesse Jackson's candidacy divided the electorate and led us down the road to defeat," said a Democratic adviser and campaign strategist who did not want to be identified.

They're going to wish Jackson was running.

Posted 2/16/2003 12:45:00 PM by Bob
My sister started her own blog. This will force me to post more often in order to maintain some semblance of a sibling rivalry.

I know the meaning of her blog address and the title. Maybe she'll share with others?

Posted 2/09/2003 08:34:00 AM by Bob
Heh, heh, heh. Want to see some pictures of nekkid wimmin? This is the Internet, after all. Here are two (1) (2). Judging by what they're doing in the pictures I'd say most of them have to be blond.

Posted 2/08/2003 11:19:00 AM by Bob
Y'all don't mind if I open up one of these, do you? (via Sgt. Stryker)

Posted 2/07/2003 08:38:00 AM by Bob
Can't cut it in a Minnesota school? Why, just go to North Dakota! That's what one Minnesota principal proposes.

(Star Tribune) Richard Lundgren, [Eagle Valley Secondary School principal], refuses to take the chance that she or any struggling student might not graduate because they couldn't pass Minnesota's basic-skills tests. He is offering them an escape: a North Dakota high school diploma.

Some kids can be strong students but terrible testers, he said. Requiring that every student pass the skills tests to graduate is grossly unfair, he believes.

So rather than let his students twist in the wind over whether they passed the tests, he is encouraging them to consider taking a course or two through an independent study center in Fargo, N.D., a move that would allow them to earn a diploma there.

Maybe if Missy gets into Harvard the dean will let her take tests at a local community college.

Posted 2/07/2003 08:19:00 AM by Bob
Such a brisk day.

This morning I got in to my car which was parked in my attached garage. The temperature in the Multi-Function Indicator read 12. That's 12 above zero. As I drove down my street the temperature started dropping like a JDAM over Baghdad.

It bottomed out at -14. A twenty-six degree drop in just a few minutes.

I bundled up pretty good for the walk from the parking ramp to my office. Eddie Bauer down parka, silk long underwear and boots. I seriously wonder about the mental capacity of the guy I saw wearing a thin leather coat, dress shoes and knit gloves. I'm assuming the wind blew his hat off and he couldn't retrieve it 'cause he'd be really nuts to be outside this morning without one on purpose.

Posted 2/04/2003 08:25:00 AM by Bob
A long time for uncomfortable, door-facing silence.

(Wired) Long imagined by science-fiction writers but seen by others as hopelessly far-fetched, the space-elevator concept has advanced dramatically in recent years along with leaps forward in the design of carbon nanotubes. Using the lightweight, strong carbon material, it's feasible to talk of building a meter-wide "ribbon" that would start on a mobile ocean platform at the equator, west of Ecuador, and extend 62,000 miles up into space.

Posted 2/01/2003 11:06:00 AM by Bob
Space Shuttle Columbia has broken up in flight. All on board are lost.

12,500 MPH. 200,000 foot reported altitude. Doesn't Fox news have enough sense to stop reporting that "search and rescue" teams are being activated.

And there are those who say it's Bush's fault. And No doubt disappointed that no homless person was struck by falling debris.

Posted 1/31/2003 02:20:00 PM by Bob
It's my blog anniversary. I started one year ago today.

Posted 1/30/2003 07:46:00 AM by Bob
We don't need no stinkin' facts.

(Star Tribune, Jan. 30) "It's also obvious that our young people are going to be in harm's way, and a disproportionate number of those are going to be people of color. A third of the population of Minneapolis is people of color. A war will have an effect on the social fabric of this city."

Minneapolis City Council Member Paul Zerby in an interview with columnist Doug Grow. Zerby wants the Minneapolis City Council to pass an anti-war resolution.

(USA Today, Jan. 21) But a close examination of Pentagon statistics suggests that at least some of the conventional wisdom about who is most at risk during wartime is misleading. For example, although blacks account for 26% of Army troops, they make up a much smaller percentage of those in front-line combat units, the most likely to be killed or injured in a conventional war.

Article in USA Today examining a racial divide in the military.

Posted 1/29/2003 09:38:00 AM by Bob
Man takes picture. Security guard (not a soldier, not a cop) asks for film.

(Star Tribune) Mike Marty was driving back to Wisconsin last Sunday, around noon, when the billowing steam from the Flint Hills refinery in Rosemount caught his artistic eye.

He pulled off Hwy. 52 and began taking pictures -- two with a pocket camera, one with a single-lens reflex camera -- and drove away.

Or tried.

A few minutes later, he had surrendered the roll of pictures from his single-lens reflex camera -- apparently in the name of national security. He wondered Tuesday night if he had complied too willingly with a security guard's request to hand over the film or, as the guard threatened, risk a call from the FBI.

"I've regretted it," said Marty, a 25-year-old graduate student at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. "I felt my rights were [violated], that I didn't live in a free country."

[Refinery spokesman John] Hofland said other people with cameras have voluntarily turned over their film to refinery personnel. He said he didn't know if anyone had refused, although "it wouldn't surprise me."

However, Marty said he felt "coerced" into doing it, even though the guard, reading from a printed form, called it "voluntary."

The story doesn't mention it but the interview was conducted through the door of a a cell in the basement of a prison where Marty was being held in solitary confinement. There was no immediate word on where the rest of his family was being held.

Posted 1/28/2003 11:51:00 AM by Bob
Do they even read the letters to see if they make sense before they print them? In the Minneapolis Star Tribune today:

So here we are: a massive troop buildup with no smoking aluminum canisters, no evidence and nothing but the same rhetoric from Washington. George W. Bush now has a decision.

Does he invade without the support of Canada, France, Germany and 60 to 70 percent of American citizens? If there is no invasion, Bush will lose face if he withdraws without regime change. If he maintains the troop buildup, the American people will tire of paying for it by election time.

No thinking American wants war, but the majority will support our president if he can make a case. If a valid case can be made, why hasn't he? Not one American or innocent Iraqi life is worth maintaining Bush's poll numbers.

So, 60-70 percent of American don't support this cause and no "thinking" American wants war. If this is just a ploy for positive polling results, does that mean only the unthinking vote?

Posted 1/22/2003 02:08:00 PM by Bob
A great sentence in WSJ Opinion Journal today:

[French President Jacques] Chirac also said: "As far as we're concerned, war always means failure." CNN doesn't say what language he was speaking when he said this, but if it was French and not German, the statement refutes itself.

Posted 1/22/2003 11:26:00 AM by Bob
A great big Homer Simpson "Doh!" An insightful writer sends this solution to the Gulf War I and the Minneapolis Star Tribune actually prints it:

The last war we had with Iraq could have been won easily with truckloads of peanut butter sandwiches. Those people over there are starving.

Since our government has been paying farmers not to grow crops, and to dump their milk, would it not make more sense to trade food for oil, rather than spend billions of dollars, and risk the lives of our American servicemen and women?

Skippy, Jif and Wonder Bread. If the B-52s had just dropped these instead of MK82s the war would have been much less lethal to the Republican Guard. And a lot less noisy.

Of course, the European Left would be complaining that we didn't include toothbrushes, toothpase and dental floss. Once again showing the world just how evil Americans are.

Posted 1/20/2003 09:05:00 PM by Bob
The environmentally friendly Segway transportation device is banned in the Peoples' Republic of San Francisco.

(CNN) In hilly San Francisco, officials feared the battery-powered Segways would cause more problems than they would solve, particularly for the disabled and senior citizens.

"There were statistics submitted to us about injuries, and the Segways themselves did not have adequate safety features to alert people they might be behind them," said Tom Ammiano, a San Francisco supervisor who supported the ban.

Segway officials say the scooters have been tested for 100,000 hours on city streets across the nation without injury.

Pedestrian safety? Hardly. Here's why:

The upright device -- controlled by body movements with the help of tiny computers and balance-controlling gyroscopes -- has been tested across the country by postal workers, police officers and meter readers. They're on sale to the public at Amazon.com for $4,950 each and will begin shipping in March.

The homeless won't be able to afford them. And if bums can't Segway, no one should.

Posted 1/19/2003 09:39:00 PM by Bob
Tim Blair, again:

JUAN GATO says Senator Paul Wellstone (D – Heaven) may reach full Mumia status by year's end.

Posted 1/19/2003 03:19:00 PM by Bob
Yep, it really is about being "against war."

Posted 1/19/2003 03:18:00 PM by Bob
Hey idiot, you missed a spot.

Posted 1/19/2003 01:26:00 PM by Bob
A report from the anti-war protests yesterday in San Francisco:

It was an interesting day, actually seeing these people in action. One of the city supervisors, Tom Ammiano, got up on the loudspeaker to speak. He gave the usual platitudes about the demonstraters being patriots, then stated that San Francisco was undergoing a budget crunch, and requested that protesters not tip over any police cars. A strange thing to hear from an elected official. I suppose if San Francisco was flush with cash then tipping over a police car would be quite acceptable. Apparently there is nothing wrong with tipping over a police car, only with the city paying to fix it.

It was also quite interesting to note the public sentiment regarding the "lack of attention" the media is giving these protests. I'm sitting here in my living room with CNN Headline News on, and stories about the protests are in heavy rotation, at least once every 15 minutes. There were a number of news helicopters flying the length of the march, and hovering over the rally at City Hall.

It's no wonder these are the same folks who equate criticism with censorship.

Posted 1/18/2003 07:01:00 PM by Bob
Monday morning I'm calling the plumber. It will cost me about $108 including tax. I will gladly pay double that amount.

A short time ago I installed a new toilet. Brand spanking new. The old one was pea green and disgusting. I got a nice new white one. Being an able bodied man who owns his own house, is married and raising two children and generally isn't a complete klutz, I decided that I should install it myself. I've mastered that whole walking and chewing gum thing.

I've got friends and neighbors who do this stuff all the time. They can do it. We can all do it. We're men!

Hey, Ron, whatcha doing?

Oh, I'm just changing my brake pads.

Hi Don. what are you up to?

I am installing a new garbage disposal.

Vern, dog, what you doin' today?

Why Bob, I'm rewiring my garage. There wasn't a roll of duct tape or package of chewing gum in sight.

So how difficult is it to install a toilet? Not very. How difficult is it to install a toilet so it doesn't run in the middle of the night or drip? Apparently, for me, the answer is it's just too damn difficult.

I could hear a faint drip, drip, drip. Once or twice a night the water level got low enough so the toilet would run for a bit. Being an ecologically minded fellow I just hate to waste water. Plus, it costs me money. I'm sure over the course of a year it might fill kitchen sink. Or 78 swimming pools if you believe the citizens for a better earth (they're the same ones against war).

I bought a new flapper valve.

Still dripped.

I took apart the tank and reinstalled it.

Still dripped. I was getting irritated.

I went to the hardware store. The boys asked if they could just wait in the car. I don't blame them. I really don't. I bought a whole new tube, flapper, and all the other assorted Rube Goldberg parts that make up a toilet. I was hungry. The kids were hungry. But I must stop the drip. Must stop it!

So I worked and worked. Finally, I reconnected the water and DAMN -- WATER IS SPRAYING ALL OVER THE WALL! Oh, the washer was crooked. Whew, that's easy enough to fix. I turn the water back on. Ahhh. No spraying water.

Drip, drip, drip.

Poe's Telltale Heart best describes my mood:

No doubt I now grew VERY pale; but I talked more fluently, and with a heightened voice. Yet the sound increased -- and what could I do? It was a low dull, quick sound -- much such a sound as a watch makes when enveloped in cotton. I gasped for breath, and yet the officers heard it not. I talked more quickly, more vehemently but the noise steadily increased. I arose and argued about trifles, in a high key and with violent gesticulations; but the noise steadily increased. Why would they not be gone? I paced the floor to and fro with heavy strides, as if excited to fury by the observations of the men, but the noise steadily increased. O God! what could I do? I foamed -- I raved -- I swore! I swung the chair upon which I had been sitting, and grated it upon the boards, but the noise arose over all and continually increased. It grew louder -- louder -- louder! And still the men chatted pleasantly , and smiled. Was it possible they heard not? Almighty God! -- no, no? They heard! -- they suspected! -- they knew! -- they were making a mockery of my horror! -- this I thought, and this I think. But anything was better than this agony! Anything was more tolerable than this derision! I could bear those hypocritical smiles no longer! I felt that I must scream or die! -- and now -- again -- hark! louder! louder! louder! louder! --

"Villains!" I shrieked, "dissemble no more! I admit the deed! -- tear up the planks! -- here, here! -- it is the beating of his hideous heart!"

But this time, it's not dripping into the bowl, it's dripping all over the floor.

In the interest of not bringing down the entire Internet by writing down everything I did next, let's just say I tried to correct whatever mistake I had made. I tried, yes I did. And things just got worse. And wetter.

So, now the water to the toilet is turned off, parts are on the floor and I've instructed everyone to use the other toilet for the next two days. I've surrendered. Other than changing light bulbs I am totally done with home improvement for the next six months. And I might not even change a light bulb myself if it's more than 75 watts.

Posted 1/18/2003 11:18:00 AM by Bob
A letter to the editor of the Star Tribune. Sad to say, but around here it's just not clear whether this is sarcastic or sincere.

To all your readers who keep insisting Iraq has no weapons of mass destruction: The dozen chemical weapon warheads are also meaningless. They need to be found fully loaded on an airplane with its engines running and the pilot in possession of his instructions before we should become a little concerned. Then, we can always try to peacefully negotiate with Saddam Hussein and tell him the plane can fly around while we conduct our talks.

But, if those warheads are dropped and actually destroy several people, we may have to take some form of military action.

Posted 1/18/2003 10:45:00 AM by Bob
A Star Tribune reader weighs in with support of Jimmy Carter.

I'm not an expert on weaponry so I'll avoid taking on Jason Lewis' notion that an attack by North Korea is imminent and we are lucky our president is moving forward with a plan to develop ground-based interceptors so that the United States will be shielded from missile attack ("Arms control crowd, as usual, is dangerously wrong," Commentary, Jan. 3).

Plenty of experts on this subject have already weighed in and argued persuasively that the first proposition is highly unlikely and the second is only slightly more probable than it was when President Ronald Reagan proposed it more than 20 years ago.

Instead, I'd like to take issue with Lewis' characterization of former President Jimmy Carter.

Lewis is only one of a number of writers who have disparaged Carter.

A significant number of writers.

The way they identify him as the Nobel Peace Prize winner seems to suggest that either they believe that the former president doesn't deserve the honor or that the Nobel Peace Prize is an award all recipients should be ashamed to receive since it connotes that the winner is a "peacenik."

As to the first possibility, the award is, after all, the Nobel Peace Prize.

Yes. And a skunk by any other name still stinks.

Carter received it in 2002 "for his decades of untiring effort to find peaceful solutions to international conflicts, to advance democracy and human rights, and to promote economic and social development."

An A and a gold starfor effort. Unfortunately, results matter.

Clearly, the underlying principle here is that the recipient must be endeavoring to advance the causes of peace and justice not only for Americans but for all people.

Say, for example, Nobel Peace Prize winner Yasser Arafat.

But I'm guessing Lewis knows this and is not quibbling with the criteria or selection process.

It sure isn't fair of him to examine the process. After all, it is the “Nobel Peace Prize.”

I'm betting Lewis believes effective leaders do not seek Nobel prizes. They develop weapons and armies that are bigger and better than other countries' weapons and armies and demand compliance rather than broker peace.

So it’s better to go for the brass ring. Even when dealing with murderous dictators.

This is a strategy that has worked in the short term for the United States but over time has earned us nonconventional opponents.

How do we fight an invisible enemy who does not represent a particular geographic location or owe allegiance to a government, and who believes the greatest glory he can achieve is to parlay his hatred for our culture into martyrdom?

Google search: "Tora Bora" + "B-52" + "Al Qaeda" + "crippled"

The answer is not with better weapons or bigger armies.

We cannot shield ourselves from hatred and distrust, nor can we blow up negative perceptions.

Negative perceptions, no. Terrorist hideouts, yes. And coming soon, countries that support terrorism.

These intangibles are our true enemies and, like it or not, people who fight these enemies sometimes earn Nobel prizes.

So name one.

Posted 1/17/2003 08:04:00 AM by Bob
I would never use a cell phone in a library. A bookstore isn't a library.

The Barnes and Noble bookstore at the Galleria in Edina is very nice. There are plush chairs to read the books you don't want to buy. Music is piped in. There's a cafe in the basement.

It's a store. It's located in a mall. It's not a library. But apparently walls of books means "Shhhhhh."

That in mind, here are two things to avoid at the Galleria Barns and Noble: Making a brief, quiet phone call back in the corner where no other customers are and cooking hotdogs over an open campfire in the middle of the store. The first reason is obvious. The second may not be so obvious. It wouldn't be because of the chatter of folks standing around the open fire. No, it's because the fire might snap, crackle and pop and that might disturb the employees.

Let's get back to that phone call. It was me. Guilty. As I faced the corner and whispered into the phone, a clerk found me. I'm sure the radio signal from a cell-phone attracts her like my dog is attracted to the sound of a chattering squirrel. Must find! Must destroy! The clerk gave me the look. Sir! Sir! Those don't work here! I admit, the signal meter on the phone was in no danger of bursting out the top of the phone and pushing books off the shelf. But I could hear the person on the other end of the call. The clerk's admonishment was louder than my call. If phones don't work there, keep quiet and I'll find out soon enough.

There was just something in her eyes. It was like bringing Diet Coke and Velveeta to a wine and cheese party. How could someone appreciate all these books while holding a cell phone? Gasp!

Hey, if I go grocery shopping at Cub Foods and call my wife to see if she wanted bananas or apples, it doesn’t mean I can't appreciate a fine steak or a nice Caesar salad. And it certainly isn't going to impinge on the eating enjoyment of other customers. See, they're going to buy their food and take it home to eat. Just like you're supposed to buy your books and bring them home to read. Of course, if Cub Foods decides to install big comfy chairs and let me sample as much food as I want without paying I won't complain.

Posted 1/16/2003 12:05:00 PM by Bob
Would you spend $5000 of your own money if you knew it could prevent war in Iraq? You can! It's "scientifically proven."

(Minneapolis Star Tribune) In the "men's flying room" of the transcendental meditation center in south Minneapolis, [Jeff] Mason flew Wednesday for close to 20 minutes. Actually, he was pushing himself off the floor mat with his hands, bouncing up and then landing again.

The yogi's disciples demonstrated the flying technique and transcendental meditation as a way of publicly outlining their plans for world peace and a "peace palace" they hope to build someday in the Twin Cities.

They say their technique has been scientifically proved to be an effective way of creating world peace and preventing the need to go to war with Iraq, or any other country for that matter.

Who needs B-52s when you can bounce on a mat?

They don't want to pray just for peace. They want to create it, they say, and maintain that groups of people, say 200 in the Twin Cities, doing yogic flying would create a sense of well-being for the entire population and put Minnesota on the way to a more peace-filled life.

They have a drawing of what they hope their peace palace -- more specifically, a transcendental meditation center -- would look like. They offer classes now in their current residence at 3928 1st Av. S. The standard fee is $2,500; the longer course in yogic flying is $5,000.

My children have been jumping on the bed for years and I've never thought of it as peaceful.

Posted 1/15/2003 08:53:00 AM by Bob
Tim Blair knows how to interpret polls:

EIGHTY PER CENT of people responding to this Time Europe online poll think that the US is a greater threat to world peace than Iraq or North Korea. This may in part be due to the shortage of live Kurds able to vote, and the inadequate Internet access in the graves of Korean dissidents.

Posted 1/15/2003 07:51:00 AM by Bob
After reading recent entries at Steven Den Beste's USS Clueless describing Americans who hate America, this Churchill quotation springs to mind: "Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of Government..."

But those folks Den Beste illustrates never got to the end of the sentence: "except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time."

In a way, they remind me of a college roommate's girlfriend who, after getting a Domino's pizza delivered that was cold, declared that Domino's always delivers cold pizza. This despite the fact that she'd had ordered dozens of pizzas from that chain in her lifetime and none of the others had been cold. And she wasn't satisfied that she could call one of many other pizza places in town; she had to admonish others for even considering dialing the Noid. The pizza company did something wrong, once. It's unforgivable and it obliterates everything good (previous deliveries of hot, tasty food to her front door at all hours for a reasonable price) the company has ever done.

Posted 1/08/2003 09:04:00 PM by Bob
From USS Clueless, one of my favorites:

America was supposed to meditate on why they hate us. Unfortunately for them, we did consider it and came to the conclusion that they hate us because they're a bunch of incompetent losers who are shamed by our success.

Posted 1/08/2003 11:41:00 AM by Bob
Double duty holiday in Minnesota this year, as suggested by the Strib editorial staff:

(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Maybe the Minnesotans who still have the sad green "Wellstone!" signs in their yards need group support in order to take them down. We'll offer some: Let's make Martin Luther King Day on Jan. 20 -- a fitting occasion, given Paul and Sheila Wellstone's work for social justice -- Wellstone Sign Removal Day. At sunrise (or thereabouts), make a vow to uphold the causes they championed; say a prayer if you're so inclined; then, all together, one, two, three -- pull.

Posted 1/08/2003 09:07:00 AM by Bob
The reporters are KARE-11 TV are hard at work uncovering fraud and deception. And they’re going to tell us about it.

Later in the segment. After the break. Coming up next.

Oh for goodness sake, can we just get to it?

Paul Magers, after three teasers in the same news show, finally lets us know what the crack news team at KARE-11 has uncovered.

"You'll be surpised to learn" that the woman in the “Sunshine” anti-tobacco ad is (long drum roll) an actor! She doesn’t really have cancer. There was no word whether she’s really bald or whether the object in her arms was a real infant or another actor portraying one.

If any of you smokers had recently quit after seeing that ad, please resume smoking. You were tricked. Watch for a class action settlement; maybe you can get a coupon for a free pack of Camels.

Under the glare of bright camera lights a spokesperson from the Minnesota Partnership for Action Against Tobacco said that it would have been too stressful for a real cancer victim to do the spot so an actor was hired.

The KARE-11 team is hard at work trying to determine if Britney likes Pepsi and whether the guy in the Viagra commercial might be faking it.

Posted 1/06/2003 08:23:00 PM by Bob
Caption for a Yahoo photo:

A female ice cleaner makes an appearance during a commercial break during a game between the Ottawa Senators and the Buffalo Sabres Saturday, Jan. 4, 2003. The Senators have added females to the ice cleaning staff in hopes of raising ticket sales for the team. The Senators, reportedly $360 million US in debt, missed their team payroll Wednesday after a deal to restructure the club's finances fell through.

You've come a long way, Senator.

Posted 1/06/2003 01:17:00 PM by Bob
Sometimes a writer has an idea for a catchy headline and just has to use it even if it's not on the mark.

Here's one:

Bond Movie Dies At South Korean Cinema. Die Another Day' Under Attack From Critics

So the Bond flick isn't doing well at the South Korean box office? Read down to one of the last paragraphs in the story.

Some South Korean students and civic activists are calling for a nationwide boycott -- but many other South Koreans are watching the movie.

The story mentions that one (yes, one) theater outside of Seoul has dropped the movie.

Posted 1/06/2003 12:49:00 PM by Bob
The editorial writers at the Minneapolis Star Tribune want maps of the new light rail system to show actual and proposed routes.

All the commotion over adding a fourth language -- Somali -- to the ticket vending machines on two new Twin Cities transit lines was a matter far less important than another yet unresolved design consideration: maps.

They'll be arguing over whether to used red dots or blue dashes on the maps for the "future" routes before this is all over.

Maps posted at the stations and on the buses and rail cars of the new Northwest and Hiawatha transit lines should show not only those two routes but future corridors as well. Only when riders begin to see that Northwest and Hiawatha are not ends but the beginning of a wider system will these important investments make sense.

I see and hear a commercial with John Lennon's "Imagine" playing softly in the background. Imagine all the routes, it's easy if you try, see the shiny tracks, all the train cars oh my, imagine all the riders, riding mass transit...

So mapmakers should include plenty of dotted lines showing future routes toward St. Paul, Eden Prairie, St. Cloud, Hastings, Apple Valley, White Bear Lake and so on. These match a long-range plan from the Metro Transitways Development Board, which has been studying various corridor options since 1992.

Ten years of study and we have a lot of dotted lines to show for it. Now if we just had a nickel for each dot we'd be able to purchase a fifth of a mile of the next leg.

At first glance, such maps might be taken as a provocation by an incoming administration cool to transit. Gov.-elect Tim Pawlenty has stressed road expansion as the only way to tackle the traffic problem. He's likely to oppose any new transit funding, whether by state dedication or local sales tax. Quite candidly, Pawlenty's election, coupled with Minnesota's enormous fiscal challenge, has set back these transit projects by, perhaps, a decade.

Pawlenty's was sworn into office less than an hour ago as I write. How could he have already set this back ten years?

The first illustration came last week when Ramsey County ran its ambitious 30-year transit plan onto a siding, citing both fiscal and political hurdles. Other pullbacks will follow.

Someone should have told them to have more dotted lines in the plan.

But that doesn't mean these corridors should be entirely forgotten. The new governor deserves a crack at his roads-only attempt. But as time passes, voters will see more clearly that this metropolitan area, like others, can't solve its traffic problems only by encouraging more driving. Even with new roads, congestion will mount, distances will increase and family time will be squeezed. Eventually people here will demand the choices provided in comparable cities like Denver, Dallas, San Diego and others where starter rail lines are now being expanded. The idea isn't that transit and roads are competitors but that they can work in concert to make people's lives better.

Fine. You ride the train to work, to the grocery store and to you're kids' soccer practice. Those destinations are with in walking distance of rail and bus lines, right? In a metro area of over a million people, even a hundred rail lines aren't going to be convenient for many. I'll drive, thank you. Or I'll take the bus. When ridership patterns change, the bus company can change routes. Now about those tracks set in cement...

A map on a wall seems like a small detail. It's not. It symbolizes a region's resolve to keep its eye on the future, and to extend the benefits of mobility to everyone.

A map on the wall is a small detail. Billions of dollars for a several rail routes serving limited riders is only slightly larger. But just imagine all the dots.

Posted 1/05/2003 03:41:00 PM by Bob
I went to the Centennial Lakes Office Max today. Or as I now like to say, Office Sux.

The store runs big ads in the Sunday papers. Most of the specials involve rebates. I got 50 CD-Rs today. If I send in two separate rebate forms (one to the manufacturer and one to Office Max) the final cost is about $2.00. Of course it's a pain to deal with the rebates so I guess that's how they make money - people just don't bother with them. But after a while, I'm sure, people just don't bother shopping at Office Sux. Hey, if the after-rebate price is $2 but I am really paying $9 because I don't feel like dealing with rebates then I might as well pay $9 at some store that I don't hate.

I needed a new CD holder. Well, I still need a CD holder. Between music CDs, PlayStation games, computer games, DVDs and software we have a million disks around the house. Office Sux has "buy one get one free" on CD holders. Each holds 32 discs so 64 is a good start to reducing the clutter around here. Okay, it doesn't involve a #@^&* rebate so I'll bite.

The add for the CD holder was in the Sunday paper. That's today if you're keeping score. The store opened at 10:00 AM today. At 11:15 AM today I arrived to find no CD holders in stock. Was the store crowded? Nope. Had there been a huge surge of business just before I walked in the store? Doubt it - there weren't many tire tracks in the light coating of snow in the parking lot.

The Office Sux manager was running around with a headset and walkie talkie. He appeared to have spent some quality time at Starbucks this morning. He was talking a mile a minute. As he walked by the front door he broadcast a message to the "associates" that a customer was approaching the front door. My God, do they really need to know that a customer is approaching? This isn't a jewelry store that's selling $25,000 diamonds and has two customers per day. Did anyone run up to greet that customer? Of course not. But he's just not managing if he wasn't bugging his employees with some useless piece of information.

I bought my CD-Rs, obtained a rebate form which I probably won't use and also got some canned air. $9 for air. What a culture we live in - we buy bottled water and compressed air. I took apart my computer desk and disconnected all cables, wires, cords, duct tape and chewing gum. I cleaned everything. I can't see the children or the dog because of the haze of dust in the house but at least the computer equipment is clean.

The PC box was especially dirty so my older son and I opened it up and took it outside for cleaning. Whoosh - a clowd of dust flew out. The filthy geese that live near our house are now choking on dust. Fair enough -- we have to walk through all their shit so they can just breath my dust.