Posted 12/31/2002 02:00:00 PM by Bob
I went to the annual gun and knife show at the National Guard Armory the other day. I haven't been to a gun show in about fifteen years.

If memory serves me right, the only thing different this time was the lack of cigarette smoke.

The show made for some good people watching. Many of the attendees sported one particular fashion feature: camouflage fabric. If the godless commies (oops, that's from 15 years ago; today it's Islamic fanatics) drop in from the sky a number of people at the show were ready to hide in the woods.

There were only a few interesting or quality firearms. The rest were in pretty rough shape. If you're a collector of crudely manufactured Eastern European rifles you're in luck. There were quite few on display. All reasonably priced at under $250.

I find it curious that the same people who want to be prepared for any problem or any conflict would be interested in these types of guns. So you have 10,000 rounds of ammunition, 300 rations of MREs, 1000 gallons of clean water, ten knives and an assault rifle assembled in Kyrgyzstan in 1980. It has bent iron sights and a bayonet. That helps. After you've burned up all seven of your 30 round mags and completely missed your attackers, you can poke them in the eyes with that rusty bayonet. That'll learn 'em; now they'll need tetanus shots. If you’re going to rely on a gun like that, you might as well have 1000 gallons of lake water to drink.

There were quite a few "talkers" in the sparse crowd. There were the loudmouths who were willing to debate the benefits of the 7.62x54 over the 7.62x56 rounds.

"Sure, ya got yer extra 2mm in length but most of the x56 ammo comes from former Soviet block countries where the gunpowder doesn't have as much energy as that found in the x54 rounds. And the lead is more pure. Yeah, I got about nine thousand rounds in my basement."

"Oh yeah? Umm, umm, umm, but a Czech XLX can fire underwater, so there!"

One stand owner regaled us with the tale of a gun manufacturer that tried to exploit a loophole in federal firearm laws. According this guy, the company read the law that said an automatic weapon "fired multiple bullets with a single pull of the trigger." So the company was going to make a gun that fired fully automatic but get this, didn't have a trigger. How's that work, you ask? Well, he said you load a magazine and when you chambered a round, the gun would start firing and wouldn't stop until it was empty. The stand owner giggled in delight at this. He explained that you could control the amount of rounds you fired by placing a dummy round every third or fourth round. The gun would stop firing when it got to the dummy and you'd rechamber the next round to fire again. Good grief.

His friend bragged that he didn't need an automatic weapon, trigger or no trigger. He had four shotguns. Laying around the house, apparently:

"I got nine rounds in the first one and seven rounds in each of the other three. That’s enough to hold off even the cops." I so badly wanted to ask him why he didn't have nine rounds in each of the other shotguns. However, I thought he might actually have an answer.

I just kept my hands in my pockets and my mouth shut and no one bothered me. I felt sorry for the man who was selling high quality gun safes. He didn't have any tattoos, didn't reek of smoke, and probably brushes his teeth fairly often. I’m guessing he doesn't own a single piece of military surplus gear. As I walked by his stand, he avoided eye contact. I wasn't dressed like a nut, in fact, I had just come from church, but I'm sure he's seen so many weirdoes that he doesn't like to initiate conversations.

What is it about gun shows and military gear? Sure, the armed forces have guns. But they also have cars and computers and I don't expect to find night vision gear and practice grenades at the auto show or gas masks for sale at a computer show.

For each interesting gun, like an old Colt Trooper, there were a dozen junk ones. I saw a lot of one particular brand of pistol. I can't remember the name. They were cheap ($169). They were styled to look like an assault weapon. They looked cheap. I didn't see a single Sig Sauer. Most of the revolvers were either very small, very crappy, very old, or .44 Magnums.

I did see one gun that I've liked but have never seen in person. It's an S&W model 5924. Rather than having a slide-mounted safety/decocking lever it has a frame mounted decocking lever similar to that found on a Sig Sauer P226.

There sure are many different knives. I've never understood the appeal of little jackknives, the kind that look like something a boy scout in 1952 would have carried. They might be high quality but they are small and look like they wouldn't do much. I can understand the collector value but the practical value is nil.

"Official Terrorist Hunting Licenses -- No limit" were available. Har har har. There was also a Remington 700 with a custom stock. It looked like a children's toy: A large flag motif covered the entire stock. It was if someone had melted a flag and made a gunstock out of it. There is no limit to bad taste, however patriotic it may be.

Some of the stands weren't bad. A few of the knife displays were nice with high quality or collector quality items. I asked a guy what made one of his knives sell for $1000. He explained about Damascus steel in a sensible way, with no mention of bone crunching ability or piercing a man's heart from 21 feet. He had a number of auto knives; I didn't ask if there were any requirement to purchase them (e.g., only licensed peace officers can possess switch blades in Minnesota).

So that was my fun last weekend.

Posted 12/31/2002 01:07:00 PM by Bob
Lenin called them useful idiots. Bush and Rumsfeld might call them elected idiots.

Representative Charles Rangel (D-NY) wants to introduce legislation to reinstate a military draft if the U.S. goes to war against Iraq. Did military leaders say they need more volunteer soldiers? Nope. Is there anything preventing anyone from enlisting of his own accord? Nyet.

It's just Chuck's way is throwing a wrench into things.

(NY Times) President Bush and his administration have declared a war against terrorism that may soon involve sending thousands of American troops into combat in Iraq. I voted against the Congressional resolution giving the president authority to carry out this war — an engagement that would dwarf our military efforts to find Osama bin Laden and bring him to justice.

But as a combat veteran of the Korean conflict, I believe that if we are going to send our children to war, the governing principle must be that of shared sacrifice. Throughout much of our history, Americans have been asked to shoulder the burden of war equally.

That's why I will ask Congress next week to consider and support legislation I will introduce to resume the military draft.

I believe that if those calling for war knew that their children were likely to be required to serve — and to be placed in harm's way — there would be more caution and a greater willingness to work with the international community in dealing with Iraq. A renewed draft will help bring a greater appreciation of the consequences of decisions to go to war.

So he want our armed forces to deal with Al Qaeda, Saddam, North Korea and now Gomer Pyle. Voting against a Congressional resolution didn't get him what he wanted. But instead of taking his ball away because he didn't win, Charlie wants to force all the other players to juggle extra ones.

Posted 12/28/2002 09:07:00 AM by Bob
Amish Tech Support (Laurence Simon) fisks Edward Hegstrom of the Houston Chronicle. Hegstrom's article is titled "More detentions feared in Muslim registrations."

An essay Hegstrom might be working on for his next piece: Where are we going to put all the robbers and thieves when we clear out our prisons to make room for every Mulim in America?

Here's an excerpt from Amish Tech Support (the newspaper parts are in italics, Simon's comments are not):

"It is outrageous that there has not been more of an outcry" in Houston, [an immigration lawyer] said.

Trying out for the job of Houston's idiotarian Muslim spokesperson, are we?

Men who come from any of the 20 listed Muslim nations are required to appear at the nearest Immigration and Naturalization Service office to be photographed, fingerprinted and interviewed.

Twenty Muslim nations? Fine, just for the sake of argument, name them.

Males aged 16 and older from Iran, Iraq, Sudan, Syria and Libya were required to register by Dec. 16.

That's five, but notice something there... why not Muslim females? I mean, if these people are being harassed because they are Muslim, then why not register and question the women, too? Are women Muslims any less Muslim in their Muslimness requiring registration?

Back to the count of Muslim nations.

Those from Afghanistan, Algeria, Bahrain, Eritrea, Lebanon, Morocco, North Korea, Oman, Qatar, Somalia, Tunisia, United Arab Emirates and Yemen must register by Jan. 10.

That's 13 more... total of 18 Muslim nations. Yes siree. All those Muslims from North Korea... yes, it's an outrage that they aren't screaming their heads off at this indignity and harassment of Muslims because they are Muslims.

Posted 12/28/2002 08:38:00 AM by Bob
News of the "cloned baby" was all over TV last night. I can't get on even the local news with my announcement that I'm the first human to have walked on Mars. Next time I'll have to mention I met aliens while visiting the red planet. That would boost my credibility.

(ABC News) For the group that claims to have created the first human clone, the announcement is an important step toward fulfilling the mission given to them by beings from another planet.

Did these folks really deserve any prime time news coverage? It's a blogger of course, Tim Blair, who has the best coverage:

CLAIM: That a human clone has been born.

SOURCE: Brigitte Boisselier, president of cloning society Clonaid, and a member of the Raelian cult.

STATUS: Utter bullshit.

Posted 12/28/2002 07:44:00 AM by Bob
Smarter Harper's Index for January.

Posted 12/27/2002 09:07:00 PM by Bob
Oooooh, aaaahhhh.

Son: eight years old, reading quietly.

Son: six years old, also reading quietly.

Whiskey: twelve years old, Macallan, in my glass.

Posted 12/27/2002 07:30:00 AM by Bob
Brian Lambert with a good observation in the Pioneer Press:

What's troubling about the so-called established media's remarkable underplaying of Lott's comments is that it lends greater credence to the belief that the real bias in modern media isn't liberal or conservative but fear of losing access to people of influence.

As Kurtz and others have pointed out, individual political bloggers are rapidly acquiring readers and influence because they, unlike beat reporters, have no fear of retaliation by powerful politicians. Bloggers don't depend on personal access to political leaders. They can interact with sources and watch C-SPAN (which covered the Thurmond party live) and say whatever they like, without fear that Lott's office will stop returning their calls.

Posted 12/23/2002 09:24:00 AM by Bob
That didn't come out quite right.

Last night my wife, the boys and I went to my sister's house for a Christmas dinner. We piled in to the station wagon and drove out to the farm. My parents, other sister, brother and my sister's in-laws were all there with their families, too.

So this morning we have a "few" new toys on the living room floor. Two of the toys were joint gifts to my sons. Meaning they share. Somehow my younger son now thinks he isn't the sole owner of his other toys. And he complained all about it to me. In the whiniest of ways.

To calm him down I explained that his toys are his and I would never, ever make him share. Big Grin.

Moments later he asked his brother to play a two player game. I reminded him that what's his was his and only his. He's mulling over this dilemma right now.

Posted 12/23/2002 08:51:00 AM by Bob
How Lott shows he is sincere:

(ABC News) In his first public remarks since resigning as Senate GOP leader, Sen. Trent Lott confessed he had "only myself to blame" for the racially charged scandal that brought him down.

Owning up to it like a man, right?

But the senator also alluded to unnamed political enemies who have been lying in wait for a chance to pounce and found it 2 1/2 weeks ago, when Lott's praise of Sen. Strom Thurmond's 1948 segregationist run for president ignited a firestorm of criticism.

"A lot of people in Washington have been trying to nail me for a long time," Lott said in an interview Sunday with The Associated Press. "When you're from Mississippi, when you're conservative and when you're a Christian, there are a lot of people that don't like that. But I fell into their trap and so I have only myself to blame."

He only left out that he has nice hair as a reason why people hate him.

Posted 12/21/2002 10:37:00 AM by Bob
Trent Lott's Kwanzaa Message to the Nation

Posted 12/21/2002 10:37:00 AM by Bob
Christmas is just around the corner and I have nothing left to do except celebrate. The only motor skills I’ll be exercising in the next few days involve eating and tearing wrapping paper. It’s very relaxing to have all the gifts wrapped and snuggled under the tree.

I’ve never understood those who wait until the last minute. Procrastination I understand. Pride in one’s procrastination, that I don’t get. Check with a coworker or relative who’s not done with holiday preparations. They seem to revel in the challenge of getting gifts on December 23, even if that means windshield wiper fluid, car air fresheners (hey – why do you think they’re shaped like little Christmas trees?) and super size candy bars from the gas station that stayed open late.

The only thing at my house that isn’t ready for Christmas is the weather. We had a little dusting of snow but I refuse to call it a white Christmas when I can see blades of grass sticking up through the snow. It’s like so many middle fingers mocking the paltry snowfall. The grass may be brown but it’s kicking the snow’s ass.

The boys and I went to Southdale last night. My younger son still needed a present for mom. He knew right where to go because he insists on getting her the same thing every year.

We went to Southdale straight from school so the mall wasn’t crowded. I haven’t been there in quite a while even though I drive by it frequently. We visited the Mac store. Acrylic, white and all very cool. Didn’t see Lileks.

What can’t you buy at a mall? Don’t say cars because there is now a Mini dealership inside Southdale. Though they look like toy cars the $25,000 price tags let you know this is the real thing. The boys thought the Minis would be a good choice for our next car until I pointed out the back seat. There’s a place for a butt but nowhere to put feet, even for a six- and eight-year old.

I must mention how well behaved my sons were at Southdale. I wanted to look at the new stores and I wanted to take my time. I played fairly. First, I fed them. Then I bought them a treat. Finally, to cement my position as unquestioned mall leader I told them that if there was any fighting or whining I would be looking forward to significantly smaller December and January electric bills. If the PlayStation, DVD player, PC, TV and VCR don’t get used for three long weeks of Christmas break I’ll save a lot of money. Ha ha ha; they would behave, my little loyal followers. Sure, they were “loyal” like Saddam’s supporters but sometimes us dictators have to do what works.

We visited Santa Claus. My younger son was eager but polite. My older son, who’s now a 33rd degree eight year old, knows the secret. He wouldn’t sit on Santa’s lap. However, he sat next to Santa. There was a look in his eyes… the beard is real, that fat belly is real, perhaps…? Santa is here all by himself but the reindeer could be outside getting into shape and the elves, well, if they do exist they’d be busy making all the toys about this time, right? That woman taking the pictures might be a little young to be Mrs. Claus but hey – if you lived above 89 deg N latitude you’d dress like that, too. Maybe I’ll just pretend to fall for this, if only for the sake of my little brother.

We went shopping. We looked at shoes (eyes rolled, quiet groan). We went to the Cutlery with its vast Swiss Army Knife and sword display (hey, those are real swords; dad’s not so bad after all; oh, but he’s not buying us one). We visited the Mac store (where are the games?). We went to Bath and Body works (please, let’s get this over with). We looked at more shoes (borrrrring). We looked at some clothes (losing patience, it’s getting hard to be good).

“Dad, I gotta go,” the younger one said. Damn! I thought I had all the aces and face cards. I forgot all about the bathroom pass, which trumps them all. Game over.

We moseyed over to the restroom. It was near where we parked and I didn’t have the energy to go back into the mall. Next stop: the parking lot.

Something curious happened in the rest room. Or, should I say, didn’t happen. My younger son insisted on locking himself in a stall. The boys and I were the only ones in the rest room. You could hear a pin drop. Or a tinkle or a splash. I heard nothing.

A quick flush later and he emerged with a smile and said he was ready to go home.

Posted 12/17/2002 05:00:00 PM by Bob
No Backs.

We’re suspending play of the slug-bug game. Two young boys were taking it a little too seriously.

Not long ago I had to amend the rules of the game. No longer would a party under the age of 18 be allowed to “slug” another party under the age of 18. It would still be acceptable for a minor party to slug a parent.

Yellow VW Beetles would continue to count double (and triple on Tuesdays).

Early this morning, as my wife ran in to the bakery, our sons waited in the car. The older one spotted a yellow Beetle. Knowing that he could not slug his brother, he eagerly waited the return of his mom. It’s a long reach from the right, rear seat of the car to the driver so he removed his seat belt to facilitate a good slug.

The younger one was not pleased with this. He acknowledged that he didn’t see the Bug first but felt there had to be some sort of technicality that said he could claim credit if the original spotter couldn’t reach an eligible receiver.

Next a backpack went flying, followed by screams and tears all around.

Game over.

Posted 12/16/2002 05:25:00 AM by Bob
CNN, Fox and MSNBC are having a great big live, breaking news alert circle jerk right this minute. Did I mention it’s LIVE!

Al Gore will not run for president in 2004. Yawn. It's not as if it's four weeks before the general election and he steps down. And it's not like the Democratic Party doesn't have a dozen other high-powered folks who are jumping at the bit to run. Or does it?

Did you see him on Saturday Night Live last night? Good grief, it was awful. He was trying to parody himself in every skit I saw (I just couldn’t watch the whole thing).

That's what he's come down to, a parody of a stiff, boring politician whose claim to fame is losing the 2000 presidential election (even though he really won, wink, wink, heh, heh, heh). He’s Kenny Bania and Ovaltine: Not interesting going on boring. Thank goodness he’s an infrequent recurring character.

I suppose his political party members saw that terrifying kiss he planted on Tipper at the opening of SNL. Someone must have had a gun to Lorne Michael’s head last night. It was painful to watch and in the future millions of voters will retch at the sight of Gore’s lips.

Posted 12/14/2002 05:32:00 PM by Bob
The leader of the Congressional Black Caucus calls for the leader of the Congressional White Caucus to step down:

(Indianapolis - AP) - The chairman of the Congressional Black Caucus says Trent Lott should resign his US Senate seat. That's what Michigan Congressman John Conyers told the National Black Caucus of state legislators yesterday. The lawmakers are holding their conference this week in Indianapolis.

Posted 12/09/2002 07:10:00 AM by Bob
Tim Blair:

MISS TURKEY has been crowned Miss World. A legal challenge may follow if she tests positive for traces of chicken or duck.

Posted 12/08/2002 03:06:00 PM by Bob
Where are the adults in Berkeley?

(Daily Californian) Berkeley Mayor Tom Bates has admitted responsibility for stealing and trashing about 1,000 copies of The Daily Californian that carried the student newspaper's endorsement of his opponent, police said yesterday.

Bates, who earlier denied stealing the newspapers to the Daily Cal, released a statement yesterday apologizing for his involvement in the theft.

Posted 12/08/2002 01:21:00 PM by Bob
One made the ultimate sacrifice so that others could live.

Today my boys are having some friends over. That means it's time to clean the house, especially the playroom. If I told you they like this I'd be lying. I told the kids that they would be doing most of the work. I wasn't lying.

I told them that I only had so much patience. After a designated period, I would "finish the job" and explained that wouldn't be fun for them. Anything in the way would be thrown out. Legos, being smallest and weakest on the toy food chain, would be the first to go. Why? Because a Sears Shop Vac will pick up all but the largest ones. The operator of the Shop Vac, using a proper extension tube, doesn't even need to bend over. Brightly colored pieces of plastic disappear quickly and effortlessly.

The boys didn't really believe I'd vacuum up toys. I pointed out a small Lego in the middle of the room. You could almost hear music from a spaghetti western. The kids stared at me. I stared at them. I turned on the vacuum cleaner. They didn't flinch.

Whoosh. Click, click, click. The small toy put up a brief struggle as it banged the inside of the black tube before landing amongst the dust in the belly of the Shop Vac. I started to move toward the next Lego but I had made my point. Two very surprised youngsters leapt into action and picked up the remaining small toys. I had a feeling that they might ignore some of the larger pieces. I casually mentioned that I was thinking of getting a much larger, more powerful Shop Vac, one that could handle even larger Legos...

Posted 12/06/2002 07:13:00 AM by Bob
I've had no time to blog lately. Work. Hockey for the kids. Helping the kids with homework. I haven't even read others' blogs lately. But here's a good excerpt from James Lileks today:

If you’d lived under Saddam’s rule all your life, and you saw the Americans coming to kill him and his clan, and you believed in your heart this was really about oil . . . would that really matter? Would it matter to you at all?

Posted 12/01/2002 03:52:00 PM by Bob
The Minneapolis Star Tribune comments on the killing of Tyesha Edwards in an editorial titled Tyesha Edwards / In another country she'd be alive.

They keep saying that Tyesha Edwards was killed by a stray bullet when everyone knows that in the heart of a city there's no such thing. Every bullet expelled from a gun has someone's name on it, and the reprehensible people who pull triggers are guilty of inflicting misery no matter whom it hits.

I wonder when all those spent rounds at my local pistol range are going to jump up off the floor, straighten themselves out and go looking for victims.What does the Strib think we could do?

Another constructive step would be to visit the Lagoon Theater in Uptown Minneapolis or the Southdale Center in Edina to see Michael Moore's powerful documentary film "Bowling for Columbine." Whether or not you like Moore's slant on politics, and despite his rather loose way of dealing with fact, the film overall is a gripping indictment of the fear and paranoia that produced and sustain America's gun culture. It's hard not to walk away embarrassed about our great country's deepest flaw: its propensity toward random violence unknown in other advanced societies. Tyesha Edwards, by all accounts a curious student, might want us to discover why this is so, and then to do something about it.

The Minneapolis police have said that Tyesha was killed by a known gang member. Does the Strib really think there's a gang member alive that would A) go watch Moore's sorry excuse for a documentary and B) actually lay down his arms as a result? And why is it okay to recommend a movie that plays fast and loose with facts? (Instapundit has some links about this here, here, and here.) Think the Aryan Brotherhood or KKK have some movies that twist facts about gun ownership and use? Would those any less legitimate for people on the other end of the political spectrum to recommend?

Facts? We hate guns; we don't need no stinkin' facts.

Posted 11/27/2002 09:31:00 AM by Bob
Minneapolis Star Tribune headline (paper version; not on-line) yesterday: Report card has no A's - and no F's -- Ventura expressed pride in his "Big Accounting." True. There were no B's, C's or D's, either. The on-line version of the story said:

Gov. Jesse Ventura's administration on Monday released a "report card" on how well it reached some of his goals. The grades were determined by people within Ventura's administration and by some outsiders who deal regularly in the issues. Grades are on a scale of 1 to 10.

Posted 11/26/2002 08:50:00 AM by Bob
Frank suggests marketing slogans for Pepsi Blue:

"It's like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is vomiting."

"Four out of five people chose it over Windex in a blind taste test."

There are more.

Posted 11/26/2002 08:41:00 AM by Bob
Letter to the editor in the Minneapolis Star Tribune today:

I had to laugh out loud when I read the Nov. 22 letter from a reader asking, "If most professors who have been lecturing for years really do have the power to indoctrinate students with a leftist ideology, then where did all the Republican voters on Nov. 5 come from?"

The most obvious answer? The voters clearly were not very well-educated. Some of us have been saying that about Republicans for years.

-- Kirsten Cackoski, Minneapolis.

More clever punditry from the left. The only fair response to a comment like this is "nah nah nee boo boo stick your head in..."

Posted 11/26/2002 08:08:00 AM by Bob
Busy. Busy. Busy.

Haven’t had time to write a blog, much less read anybody’s else’s. I’m sure other Instapundit has noticed his hit counter has slowed recently.

The boys and I have been skating up a storm. My older son’s mite team is in full swing, practicing hard each weekend. My kid is going to be the goalie next week. The players take turns at this position.

Thankfully, the athletic league provides the goalie equipment. Otherwise, I’m sure, only the lawyers’ kids could afford it. And someone would get sued for scoring a goal. And no one would have any fun.

Goalie leg pads: $250

Goalie catching glove: $75

Goalie blocking glove: $75

Goalie chest pads: $150

Goalie stick: $40

The cost of outfitting your son to play goalie: Priceless.

I also got skates for my other son. He doesn’t want to play hockey but he wants to skate. Fine. At least he wanted hockey skates.

He’s a natural. He falls down. He gets up. Lather, rinse, repeat. Lucky for me it’s cold outside and he has to wear long pants to school. If his teacher had seen his knees after the first night at the rink I’m sure I’d have received a call from social services. “Mr. Owen, are you having problems with anger?”

The next time we skated I had him wear his brother’s shin and knee pads. Normally I don’t believe in armoring children when all they’re doing is skating in circles on an indoor ice rink. Some parents do; a few kids come dressed for full contact professional hockey. But I want my son to be able to walk when he’s older. So the shin pads are now indispensable.

Posted 11/20/2002 12:51:00 PM by Bob
Letter to the editor in the Minneapolis Star Tribune today:

Tuesday's oil tanker spill off the coast of Spain is likely a major environmental disaster. If only the United States would take about 1 percent of the trillions of dollars it squanders on "weapons of mass destruction" and use it to design and build technology that could suck up most of the oil that spills into our fragile oceans every year. We could be the heroes of the world instead of being perceived as "the Great Satan."

Better yet, of course, we should be moving as fast as we can to build renewable energy technology to replace the deadly fossil-fueled technology.

-- Don Johnson, Minneapolis.

Let me see if I understand this: The Greek-managed, Bahamian-registered ship, enroute from a Latvian port, was turned away from Spanish and Portuguese ports after its hull cracked during a storm. A Dutch salvage company fails to keep the ship afloat after towing it 150 miles off the Spanish coast. The ship sinks in waters nearly two miles deep and it's the fault of the United States military that technology isn't available to clean up the mess? (I wonder if that ship used a global positioning system, a product of the U.S. Department of Defense.)

A related news story had this to say about Spain's efforts:

However, there was concern that the Spanish authorities refused to help the ship when it first got into trouble last week - a problem also reported in the Erika oil tanker disaster off France in December 1999.

Edmund Brookes, deputy director-general of the UK-based Chamber of Shipping, said if the Prestige had been allowed into a Spanish port it could have been protected by calmer seas and booms to contain a spill, and the oil could have been removed.

The Spanish government blamed rough seas and the ship's captain for refusing to speed up the engines to get into calmer waters.

But shipping experts said speeding up engines when waves were breaking against the side of the damaged ship would have increased the danger.

"You needed somebody to lie next to it and take it slowly in; she was only a few miles off the shore when it started," said one person. "The captain was trying to save the darned thing."

But there's always a good reason to hate the U.S.

Posted 11/17/2002 09:21:00 AM by Bob
Unless America converts to Islam. It's just that simple.

What will the "It's our own fault" folks say about this?

(AP) A statement attributed to al-Qaida threatened more attacks in New York and Washington unless America stops supporting Israel and converts to Islam, an Arab TV reporter who received the unsigned document said.

Just picture the left embracing the execution of gays and prohibitions against women working and learning.

Posted 11/17/2002 09:17:00 AM by Bob
Steven Den Beste, writing on anti-war demonstrators in Toronto, has a perfect one sentence comment for them:

The war against Iraq will have a horrific impact against innocent civilians. And the status quo doesn't?

Apparently the protestors know something Den Beste doesn't (hey, they're happy, happy people - remember the 11 million to zero election results?)

Posted 11/13/2002 10:17:00 AM by Bob
Andrew Sullivan asks today:

A QUESTION FOR THE AGES: In losing the Minnesota Senate race, Walter Mondale succeeded in losing an election in every single state in the country. I wonder: is he really the first? Has anyone else been such a stellar loser?

Posted 11/12/2002 07:36:00 AM by Bob
Driving other peoples' cars.

I got to attend a General Motors squad car demonstration recently. GM reps gave a presentation about their police vehicles. We watched a video that lasted 15 minutes. Then they turned us loose on the cars. These guys didn't waste any time.

We were at the Worthington, MN, airport. Part of one runway was blocked off for our use. Several Chevy Impala squads, complete with lights and sirens, were waiting for us. After donning crash helmets we took the cars out on the course and attacked the orange cones. The whole purpose was to drive the cars hard. Don't pinch me - I don't want to wake up.

GM also had a police package Tahoe complete with a night vision camera mounted on the roof. The camera was hooked up to the laptop computer mounted between the front seats. Who says Apache pilots get all the fun stuff. I wasn't able to locate the 30 mm cannon that surely should come with such a package.

When we got tired of driving the squad cars fast (I know, I know, how can I say such a thing) we had a whole other fleet of brand new GM vehicles to test drive. The keys were in the doors and we could take them out by ourselves; no salesman sitting next to us. There were pickups and cars in every size and a number of SUVs including a Cadillac Escalade EXT. The Escalade EXT is hideously ugly on the outside but like shellfish, delicious on the inside. It had acres of leather and wood. It probably accelerated faster than any of the squad cars. Of course, I could see the gas gauge moving as quickly as the speedometer. Want something bigger than the Escalade? The GM guys had some H1 and H2 Hummers on hand also. As I drove the H1 outside the airport grounds I waited for a Cessna to mistake its gray roof for a landing strip. The H1 was huge. But it only seats four. Unfortunately, it had neither night vision nor cannon.

I couldn't think of a better way to spend a nice fall day - driving new cars and trucks to my heart's content. And someone else paid for all the gas. Thanks, GM.

Posted 11/12/2002 07:13:00 AM by Bob
An example of unsafe weapons handling:

(Anaova) A Museum in Chicago has found some of its antique firearms were loaded and could have gone off at any time.

Staff at Chicago's Field Museum made the discovery when they were cleaning its collection of more than 300 weapons.

Black powder with the power of six or seven sticks of dynamite was found in 15 powder horns, a rifle, one pistol and two cannons.

Posted 11/07/2002 08:31:00 PM by Bob
Boy would a beer taste good.

After work and school, my younger son and I stopped by my parents' house. My older son had an extra class after school so we had an hour to kill before we could pick him up. My younger son did his homework while we waited.

Boy would a beer tase good.

After an hour we picked up my other son and went home. Dinner, laundry, etc. No beer in the house.

Later, I hear the garage door open and there's my dad. My younger son had left his homework at my dad's house. There's my dad -- with a folder and a paper bag.

"Here. I thought you'd like these."

He must read minds.

Two bottles of Pilsner Urquell (brewed in the Czech Republic).

Posted 11/05/2002 01:19:00 PM by Bob
My wife and I just got back from voting. The line at the polling place stretched all the way to the outside doors. We waited for about 50 minutes before we received three paper ballots: one for judges, one for almost everything else and one for the Senate race. The Senate ballot will be hand counted and went into a cardboard box. I sure hope that race isn't close because I see all sorts or lawyers jumping all over it.

Posted 11/05/2002 09:01:00 AM by Bob
I’m without vehicle today and working from home. My fine German station wagon is in the shop for an 80,000 mile checkup ($ ouch) and brake repair ($$ ouch, again). It’s been a great car until one set of brakes self-destructed the other day. Kids, hope you like that mac and cheese. Hope you like it again tomorrow. And the day after. And what, exactly, is wrong with water instead of milk?

I work for a company that allows me to work at home any time I need to. I have a computer and an extra phone line so my home office is just as good as my work office. Some of you scoff and think, “That means they can make you work at night and on weekends.” They can. But they hardly ever have asked me to do that. And when I’ve had to work an hour or two on a weekend my boss is the first person to look the other way on Friday afternoon if I want to leave early. It’s a two-way street at this place and I love it. And if there’s a blizzard, I can work at home and forgo the lottery of getting to work in one piece.

Today we’re getting the first real snowfall of the season. What a beautiful day to work at home. The rest of my family are all at school so I have lots of peace and quiet and I really get work done. Yep, I’m updating the blog but since any trip to the restroom has a much shorter walk, I’ll call it even.

The snow won’t stay around. It’s 30 degrees now but should hit 40 later. I need that snow to melt. There’s a nice, thick layer of leaves under that snow which I need to clean up. A rake works much better than a shovel for yard work.\

Over lunch it will be time to vote. I get to avoid the early morning and after work rush at the polling place. I’m actually looking forward to watching the results tonight. James Lileks has another great Mondale bleat today. You must check it out. Blogger IMAO has this reminder about voting:

Just wanted to remind everyone that today is election day, the day you pick the candidate you think will best kill all of America's enemies. Just remember, everytime someone votes for a Democrat, baby Jesus cries.

Whatever the results of all the contests today, let's salute the end of campaign commercials! Here, here.

Posted 11/04/2002 05:08:00 PM by Bob
Here's the lastest news at Channel 4000:

The bitter taste of coffee used to keep kids away from caffeine, but now caffeine is available in countless sweetened pops, energy drinks and even pills.

I've been drinking Pepsi for years. I wonder when they started adding caffeine? And caffeine is available in pills? I have a clever suggestion for a product name: No Doz. Oh wait, is that taken already?

Posted 11/01/2002 07:51:00 AM by Bob
In the eyes of my kids, last night's trick-or-treating was a success. They had to wear winter coats over their costumes because it was about 30 degrees but they didn't seem to mind. Each boy made a good haul.

They were cold and tired when we returned home. Afterwards, they enjoyed chocolate fueled sword fighting and fort building with their cousin. My sisters both visited and one brought her dog. I suspect that dog got in on the sugar binge as it just wouldn't stop moving.

By 9:30 last night the kids finally started to wind down and the dogs stopped wrestling. By 10:00 all the visitors had left for home, my kids were in bed and the candy was safely out of the reach of our dog.

The only evidence of the night's commotion were the green glow sticks. Forgotten, they were still shining, still ready for more trick-or-treating.

Posted 11/01/2002 07:40:00 AM by Bob
Lileks always has a good bleat but this one about Walter Mondale rises above. Here's a sample:

I found the text of an upcoming Mondale ad. It accused Norm Coleman of giving public money to two companies that had laid off 750 workers last year.

Oh, that’s rich. Coleman did indeed lend public money to Lawson Software to lure them to build a big new office building in St. Paul - an $84 million loan made possible by tax-increment financing. I abhor outright gifts to companies just to convince them to build pretty buildings, but using TIF to revitalize downtown St. Paul is a defensible position. Reasonable people can argue about it. And when they’re tired of arguing about it, because it’s boring, they can chew on this:

Northwest Airlines received $230 million from the Federal Government in bailout money after 9/11.

Northwest has cut 10,000 jobs since 9/11.

Walter Mondale is on the Board of Directors of Northwest Airlines.

Oh: and Walter Mondale gets 24K in free airline travel a year from NWA.

Yes, the Minnesota DFL party has found a man to carry one Wellstone's fight for the little man.

Posted 10/31/2002 08:33:00 AM by Bob
Temporary insanity? The reason Paul Wellstone's best friend went political at the "memorial" is because he was so "wracked with grief and pain," according the the Minneapolis Star Tribune.

(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Before Minnesota's Senate campaign truly gets restarted, there's the matter of Rick Kahn to clear up. Kahn, described as Paul Wellstone's best friend, gave a speech at Tuesday night's memorial that has Republicans enraged and people of every political stripe shaking their heads.

Minnesotans need to think clearly about what happened, then try to put it aside. They need to focus on the few days of a campaign that should be respectful and tightly focused on issues of substance. What happened had nothing to do with either Norm Coleman or Walter Mondale, and the controversy should not be allowed to overshadow their short but crucially important campaign.

In the second half of his speech, Kahn strayed from memorializing Wellstone. For 10 to 15 minutes he turned the gathering into a political rally for the Wellstone legacy. It was inappropriate, but more to the point, it was irrational. Kahn appeared so caught up in grief, loss and anger that he lost his way. What else can explain his imploring Republicans, whom he individually named, to lay down their political swords and join in keeping the Wellstone legacy alive in Tuesday's election? The idea is such an emotional fantasy -- and so not in keeping with the actual Wellstone legacy -- that it could only have come from a person wracked with grief and pain.

I hope Kahn wasn't allowed to drive himself home that night.

Posted 10/30/2002 08:06:00 AM by Bob
"We will win! We will win! We will win!" -- Chanted during Paul Wellstone's "memorial" last night.

The entire three-hour political rally was shown live, preempting regular programming on the NBC, CBS and ABC local affiliates. I didn't see the whole thing but I think it was broadcast uninterrupted by commercials. Republican Trent Lott got some camera time but was booed by the crowd. Not sure if that counts as equal time for Republicans or not.

Posted 10/29/2002 09:51:00 AM by Bob
Minneapolis Star Tribune gossip columnist C. J. thinks radio personality Tom Barnard is responsible for Paul Wellstone's death. Several weeks ago Barnard said on the air, "I hope he drops dead."

Now C. J. and some of her readers (or some of the people who get C.J.'s column read to them) want Barnard to apologize. "Drop dead" is the same as "die in a fiery plane crash" and it's Barnard's fault?

Posted 10/29/2002 09:26:00 AM by Bob
Student writing, from my alma mater.

(Daily Cardinal) Perhaps the most frustrating banality in Washington these days is that the politician who claimed to be absolutely certain of something several years ago is often absolutely certain of its opposite by now.

Spice up your writing; give us an example.

You may remember, for instance, that after the shootings at Columbine High School in 1999, congressional conservatives proposed a bill which would have made the sale of all violent material to youths under the age of 17 illegal. In view of the revelation that teenagers Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris had routinely played violent computer games "Doom" and "Quake" prior to gunning down their classmates, it became the new Washington chic to condemn such forms of entertainment and to discourage their availability to America's children.

Needless to say, like, I suppose, for example, that maybe some politicians must now be calling for Doom and Quake to be distributed in classrooms. Washington’s chic eventually must give way to Washington’s banality.

But these days, what with war-planning becoming the new national pastime (turns out there are worse things than baseball), such reservations among conservative policymakers are apparently so 20th Century.

Did everyone catch the Air Force-Navy series on TV last week? NBC spent millions for the broadcast rights. The sailors were favored over the airmen. Peace is like, so September 10.

After all, the Army released its own violent computer game in July. And in a move which would have been tacky three years ago—not to mention politically suicidal—they are actually hoping that teenagers will play it.

Military banality. Sheesh.

Entitled "America's Army," the military's first foray into computer gaming is freely downloadable from its own dedicated Website which reads, in confident bold lettering, "Empower yourself. Defend freedom."

Much like the "Quake" and "Doom" of Columbine infamy, "America's Army" invites players to fight against each other on virtual battlefields over the Internet. Unlike the random violence of other games, though, "America's Army" helps the young video gamer learn military training and integrity the Army way, all while acquiring the necessary skills to pick off anti-American types at 50 yards in a nasty crosswind. And unlike other games, "America's Army" cost taxpayers about $8 million to develop and will require another $4 million in yearly support.

Quake and Doom were part of the media’s Columbine infamy. Klebold and Harris could have elevated their blood sugar levels with lots of Pop Tarts. But vilifying toaster pastries wouldn’t have kept folks glued to CNN.

According to the Army—which spends an average of $15,000 to recruit each new member of its ranks—its cost is more than justified, as the program will pay for itself even if it attracts only a few hundred teenagers into the enlistment process.

Damn you, government, trying to use our tax money wisely. Couldn’t you find any $400 toilet seats and $200 screwdrivers to purchase instead?

Money considerations aside, though, I can't help but find the idea of a state-sponsored video game totally frightening. Modern governments may, by necessity, hold a monopoly on the use of violence, but they ought never to have a say in the depiction of it—that is the job of the artist, the writer, and the journalist. In the hands of the government, the act of depiction quickly becomes propaganda, the vernacular of the mob.

Dude, like, tell me it’s not totally so! Violence is so totally frightening that it’s a good idea if we have artists to filter it for us. Thankfully, we’ll always have journalists to tell it like it is (see: Fisk, Robert).

Not surprisingly, everybody gets to be the Good Guy within the virtual battlescapes of "America's Army." To the player, members of the opposing team always look like terrorists; to members of the opposing team, the player appears to be one. Although the use of digital mayhem as a vehicle for patriotic discourse is clever, it is also disturbing—especially in a country which often fails to contextualize itself from any other point of view than its own.

Our Columbine boys wouldn’t have liked “America’s Army” because they wanted to be the bad guys. If that last sentence was too clear try this: Our Columbine striplings would have shown disdain for such an electronic sport as they aspired to play the roll of villainous masters. So, the Americans can’t contextualize (i.e., see) other world viewpoints? Good thing we have countries like Saudi Arabia and Iraq, whose leaders can contextualize other points of view (they don’t just hate America, they also hate Jews no matter where they live).

If Jerry Bruckheimer's 2001 film "Pearl Harbor" had been funded with taxpayer dollars, you had better believe I would have cried foul then, too. The military just does not belong in the entertainment industry.

If Bruckheimer’s film had been funded with taxpayer dollars you’re darn right I would have cried foul. It probably wouldn’t have made a profit. I’ll agree that the military doesn’t belong in the entertainment industry if you can agree that the entertainment industry should stay out of military matters (see: Streisand, Barbra; Sarandon, Susan; Asner, Ed; et al).

As a nation, we may occasionally find ourselves forced to entertain the thought of war, but we must never allow ourselves to find the thought of war entertaining. "America's Army" may have been designed as a hip recruitment tool, but its amusement value and wide appeal also make it violent pop culture. Where are the irate legislators on this one?

One coherent paragraph and it was saved for the very end.

That's right—they are caught in the paradox of being pro-life and pro-war at the same time.

The government doesn’t want American kids to kill other American kids, yet wants American soldiers to kill Islamic terrorists who want to kill all Americans? Go figure. We certainly do have a hard time contextualizing more than one view. I Guess we just can’t have our cake and eat it too.

--Morgan Bottner is a senior majoring in English. His column runs every other Tuesday in The Daily Cardinal.

Posted 10/26/2002 09:45:00 PM by Bob
And milk came out of my nose.

My older son rented a Play Station game for the weekend. Some sort of cops and robbers thing. It can be played by one or two players. When there are two players, each can play against the other or they can be on the same team.

My younger son is complaining that his brother insists on adversarial roles. I said, "So what, at least he's letting you play." The younger son says, with a straight face, "But I don't like to fight."

So why is this funny? Let's just say two boys each took a long nap this afternoon. That's what they called it. I called it "between rounds."

Posted 10/26/2002 11:55:00 AM by Bob
I was wrong. Not everyone was killed. Around 90 hostages and 50 rebels are dead. 700 or so captives have been freed.

Posted 10/25/2002 01:48:00 PM by Bob

(ABC News) Chechen rebels threatened to begin killing their 600 hostages at dawn Saturday. The threat Friday came shortly after Russia's top security official guaranteed the insurgents' lives if they freed all their captives.

Daria Morganova, a spokeswoman for the theater where the hostages are being held, told The Associated Press the threat was reported by a hostage actor.

My prediction: every man, woman and child in that theater, hostages and rebels alike, will be dead before the weekend is over.

Posted 10/25/2002 09:06:00 AM by Bob
"Experts" on sniper profiling.

(Washington Post) Almost everything the sniper "profilers" and pundits told the media over the past three weeks turns out to have been off the mark, considering the very real profiles of the two people arrested early yesterday. The men and women who had been described on the air and in print as "forensic psychologists" and "former FBI investigators" took many swings at the who and why of the sniper case -- and mostly missed.

There will be no shame, no embarrassment. Here's how low one "news" network was willing to go:

(New York Times) But, echoing the criticism of the bygone days of O. J. Simpson, Monica Lewinsky and Gary A. Condit, [Douglas F. Gansler, the chief prosecutor in Montgomery County] argued that the sheer volume of coverage, particularly on cable news outlets, made the investigation, with all its false leads and misdirected moments, into an unnecessarily painful national psychodrama. When developments failed to provide enough actors, the cable networks found more, in the form of former law enforcement personnel, criminologists and the host of "America's Most Wanted" on Fox.

CNN even asked CBS late last week if it would supply real actors — the ones who appear on the CBS prime-time series "Crime Scene Investigation" — to comment on the case. CBS declined.

Posted 10/24/2002 01:20:00 PM by Bob
Oxymoron on an MSNBC web site: MSNBC TV RIGHT NOW: Continuing coverage on Breaking news. As long as time continues to move forward, all news is breaking news.

Posted 10/24/2002 11:09:00 AM by Bob
Judging by this headline at Channel 4000, the cops are going to destroy Tacoma: Tacoma Becomes Ground Zero In Sniper Probe.

Tacoma residents are clearly rattled after a neighborhood apparently became ground zero in the hunt for a sniper who has killed 10 people and wounded three others more than 2,000 miles away in the area of the nation's capital.

Ground Zero? Or maybe just one of the locations where authorities will focus on investigating the sniper.

Posted 10/24/2002 08:47:00 AM by Bob
Shocking (but not breaking) news from WCCO:

(WCCO)-(Minneapolis)-New technology included on many Americans' driver's licenses is prompting a debate on privacy vs. security, WCCO-TV reported.

It's likely that you've never noticed the odd black line or bar code on the back of your driver's license. However, that bit of technology contains a lot of personal information that you may not be comfortable sharing.

With one swipe through a reader machine, data stored in the magnetic strip on your license, passport or military ID -- including name, age, height, address and hair color -- can be checked.

Or, lacking an expensive bar code reader, you could just turn the driver's license over and read the printed information on the front which includes (hold on) your name, age, height, address and hair color. When will big brother be swatted down?!

Posted 10/24/2002 08:38:00 AM by Bob
Wolf!

Fox, MSNBC and CNN have been running the "breaking news" banners so often that they're simply starting to look like the network logos that run in the corner of the TV screens: They're on the screen but no one really notices them anymore. It's all just part of the background noise.

When a bunch of cops and FBI agents are sifting through dirt at a house in Tacoma it might be happening right now but is it really breaking news? When police officials have a news conference to spell their names for reporters and say "we cannot confirm or deny" is it really breaking news? The cable news networks have blurred the line between "live" and "breaking news." Just because it's "live" doesn't mean there is anything to report. A million web cams prove the point.

When something really important happens I look forward to seeing "Breaking News - Seriously" or perhaps "Double Breaking News."

Posted 10/24/2002 08:30:00 AM by Bob
By John Hawkins (in Right Wing News) - speaking of metaphorically speaking...

If you want put it in perspective, it's like we're the guy who ended up being the designated driver for the planet. Sure we'd love to sit back and drink ourselves into a stupor with the rest of the globe but we're responsible for getting as many people home safe and sound as possible. Every so often while we're sitting around wishing we could kill a few beers like the rest of the planet, a sloppy drunk, drooling, Europe comes over to where we're sitting. Then they take another swig of Vodka straight out of the bottle and tell us not to worry about a thing because they'll drive everyone home in their 'international law' van. But we know if we go ahead and drink up that we'll just get a call at 4 am asking us to bring our tow truck and the 'jaws of life' to clean up the bloody mess on dead man's curve. That's the burden of being an American.

So spare me your comparisons to Rome and understand that I don't want to hear about your secret fear that we might try to create a 'Vichy Europe" someday. We wouldn't take over the world if every nation begged us too. Our ancestors came to America in the first place to GET AWAY from everyone else in the world and it's very easy for us in this age of global communications to understand why. You have people protesting in France for shorter mandatory workweeks, Morocco and Spain fighting over a rock outcropping inhabited by goats, and the UN letting Gadaffi get elected as chair of the United Nations Commission on Human Rights. You think we WANT to be forced to deal with those sorts of things any more than absolutely necessary? Take it from a hawkish right-winger who makes George Bush look like a bigger weenie than Jimmy Carter, we're not an 'empire' and we have no desire to become one.

Posted 10/24/2002 07:40:00 AM by Bob
Watching the news lately about the sniper reminds me of poetry class. A bunch of talking heads and "experts" who have never met the poet or the sniper yet somehow they are all quite confident that they know what is going through some other guy's head. When the 17th century poet wrote of a dead fish being stepped on by a barefoot man he was metaphorically describing how soccer moms in SUVs help their children develop but at the same time destroy the planet. Of course SUVs weren't around in the 1600's but the poet just knew, don't you know, man? And with that in mind, I completely trust the opinion of a retired NYC detective who worked on the Son of Sam case because, of course, the two cases are so similar. But I don't know what to do when a different network interviews a retired FBI agent who has a conflicting opinion. Aaaahhh! Stop! They can't both be right.

I go down to Speaker's Corner I'm thunderstruck
They got free speech, tourists, police and trucks
Two men say they're Jesus one of them must be wrong
There's a protest singer singing a protest song - he says
they wanna have a war so they can keep us on our knees
They wanna have a war so they can keep their factories
They wanna have a war to stop us buying Japanese
They wanna have a war to stop Industrial Disease
--Dire Straits

Posted 10/23/2002 05:38:00 AM by Bob
I'll be back in a day or two.

Posted 10/18/2002 08:44:00 AM by Bob
Why don't I ever learn.

The other night the boys and I went shopping. We first stopped for dinner at Boston Market. We made a significant mess. On our way out we stopped by the rest room so I could wash faces and hands. Did I make them use the toilet? No.

Then we stopped by the Lands' End Inlet. My younger son suddenly had to find a restroom RIGHT NOW. His legs are crossed and his face is contorted so I was in no position to tell him to wait. We find it. He goes. Of course the public bathroom ritual follows in which he has to use the nifty soap dispenser to lather up, which takes forever. I just want to get out of there but I have to wait while he takes one paper towel at a time to dry off. My other son, the whole time stands idly by. Do I make him use the toilet? Nope.

While we're still at Lands' End, my younger son has to go again! Argh. Back we go to the back of the store for another visit to the rest room. My older son follows. Do I make him use the toilet? Of course not.

We escape Lands' End without a third trip to the bathroom and head over to Best Buy. I want to check out scanners as my old one bit the pixels. "Don't touch, don't touch, don't touch, hey - aren't those X-Boxes over there?" The Best Buy folks are smart enough to have several video game demonstrators set up. With each of my kids glued to one, I have a few moments to shop worry free for anything located within eyesight of the X-Boxes.

After a few moments (seconds?) I see my older son doing the potty dance. We've been in restrooms three separate times within the last fifteen minutes. It never occurred to him go take advantage of the opportunities and I didn't exercise any parenting skills to tell him that he must try it himself. He tells me he can wait if we don't take too long.

We leave Best Buy immediately and stop by Pet Smart. That was our ultimate destination anyway. Scratchy, the hamster, needed more food. Isn't it interesting how a new hamster costs less than a small bag of hamster food? Oh, but Scratchy has grown near and dear to us so I spend the extra money and get the food. This way we don't need to train a new hamster to, uh, eat and poop in a cage. As I look for a delicious blend of nuts and other critter vittles, the boys go over to the wall of fish tanks. It would save all parents a lot of time and effort if PetSmart just had an airport device that broadcasts warnings over a loudspeaker. Instead of reminding us to watch our luggage and endless loop would remind children to not touch the tanks. They don't listen to me; maybe a stranger's voice might get through.

As I look over to check on the boys I see that the sound and sight of all that water running through the filters has taken its toll on my older son. He's starting to dance in earnest now. I quickly paid for the food and made a beeline for home.

At home, my older son heads straight for the... computer. "Don't you have to go to the bathroom?" Oh, yeah, right. Thanks for reminding me, dad.

Posted 10/16/2002 07:55:00 AM by Bob
Rules for talk show hosts from Joe Bob Briggs. (Actually, they're good rules for anyone.)

Posted 10/15/2002 07:26:00 AM by Bob
This appeared in the "news" section of the paper. I would have expected it under Chuck Shepherd's News of the Weird which appears in the Variety section.

(Mpls. Star Tribune) BAGHDAD, Iraq (AP) - The victory rallies are set and the tributes are ready. In an Iraqi yes-or-no vote on re-electing Saddam Hussein, the only cliffhanger in Tuesday's vote is whether the two-decade Iraqi leader will beat his last showing: 99.96 percent.

In Iraq, where many believe war with the United States is coming, that 1995 result for Saddam is now seen as somewhat tepid.

"This time, 100 percent!" worker Mayad Aiwan cried Sunday. "Because the Iraqi people love our leader!"

Posted 10/13/2002 09:38:00 AM by Bob
Here's a guy who'd be happier if someone had just flipped him the bird. From a (Star Tribune commentary)

A French friend once told me, describing the French character, "France could never have a Hitler. You see, if a leader here tried to implement some crazy policies and force people to follow his will, we would all hit the streets and tell him where to go." Of course, the French sometimes do that when the proposal is as benign as restructuring schools.

This makes France a good example? Can we talk about the Vichy government?

It was in that spirit of resistance that I loaded my two little boys into the car and drove 1 1/2 hours to St. Cloud to join a protest against the impending war on Iraq. As I walked among the diverse group, pushing my double jogger with one hand and holding my sign in the other, I enjoyed the appreciative honking of many of the passing cars. Some drivers flashed smiles and thumbs up. Some flashed other fingers. But the drivers who concerned me weren't the gesticulators, but the ones who passed through without even a sideways glance.

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

Drive-through citizens. I wonder what absorbed them. Supper? Twins game? Work? 401(k)? Here was the silent majority of the country. Too busy to read between the headlines.

Or just not interested in your point of view.

Probably too occupied to vote in the primary. Definitely too busy to call their senator, much less participate in a rally. These are the people who drive our foreign policy, or more accurately, allow our foreign policy to happen. Washington knows this and takes great advantage of it.

Yep. Because those drivers (probably in SUVs) were polite enough to not give you the finger they must be mindless, apolitical drones. Why, those heathens should never be allowed to enter a polling place even if they wanted to.

I believe that Americans are, by and large, good folk.

Only the ones who vote Democratic, right?

If they knew some of the nasty stuff our government does, they would be ashamed, and would probably do something about it.

Social security, welfare, mass transit, OSHA, FDA, the list is endless.

Why don't they know? Tunnel vision is partly to blame. So are the mass media, which have done an abysmal job at reporting details and context of American foreign (and domestic) policy. What to do? Better civics classes? Forced subscriptions to the Utne Reader? Mandatory foreign study in France? We can always write our media and ask them to cover international issues better.

Or read commentaries from people who know "the truth."

Whatever it is, we had better get a more informed and active citizenry, or the pols in Washington will continue to act like the playground bully abroad and all of us will take the blame. If we bomb Iraq, the drive-through Americans will have blood on their hands. And they won't even know it.

So all those Democratic Senators and Representatives voted to support Bush's use of force against Iraq because why?

-- Robert Saxton, Wadena, Minn. Teacher.

Here's a gesture for you.

Posted 10/10/2002 09:21:00 AM by Bob
Last night the soccer season ended. I say this definitively because if one of my sons isn’t playing, I have no interest in that game. My brother and sisters play the game but thinking about that is like listing to the teacher in a Peanuts cartoon. Hwaa, hwaaa, hwaa hwaa? Hwaa. Hwaa! My son's team didn't win any games this season. Last night's game was a playoff game. I didn't have any firm plans for a second game.

My siblings play in an adult soccer league, fully clothed. Adult sounds dirty. The word was used so video stores with Disney on the shelves and family newspapers could let people know where to get porn without actually printing “XXX.” Hey, kids might just know what those three letters mean. Must protect the children. How long until they figure out “foreign film” means nudity with subtitles?

I don’t think of naked people when I hear “adult beverages.” I do get thirsty, though. Funny, though, the old cartoons show XXX on barrels and bottles to indicate booze.

I could say my brother and sisters play in a grown up soccer league. Or not. My brother’s ex-girlfriend, who plays on the same team, once punched another player. That hasn’t happened in my kids’ league. That would have been funny to see. But that also would have meant watching the soccer game.

What’s the difference between recreational golf and recreational soccer? In golf, you drink before, during and after the game. In soccer you don’t imbibe during the game because there aren’t as many trees on a soccer field.

Posted 10/10/2002 07:18:00 AM by Bob
Andy Rooney, on women sportscasters:

(The Journal News) "The only thing that really bugs me about television's coverage is those damn women they have down on the sidelines who don't know what the hell they're talking about," Rooney said Friday on MSG Network's "The Boomer Esiason Show." "I mean, I'm not a sexist person, but a woman has no business being down there trying to make some comment about a football game."

Showing how irrelevant Rooney is, The Journal News reports the National Organization of Women and the Association for Women in Sports Media aren't planning to actively protest.

Rooney just isn't worth the effort.

Posted 10/09/2002 03:02:00 PM by Bob
From Opinion Journal:

When a country that has been an isolated dictatorship rejoins the community of nations, one thing that happens is that it trades more with the rest of the world. If regime change allowed Germany and Japan to start producing BMWs and Sony TV sets rather than death camps and kamikaze pilots, then we say three cheers for regime change. For those on the far left, it would seem, mass murder and totalitarianism are worth tolerating if the alternative is that someone, somewhere might turn a profit.

Posted 10/09/2002 12:39:00 PM by Bob
Want to annoy someone? Want to annoy a whole bunch of people? Here's a suggestion.

Get in line at a busy downtown food counter. It's best to wait until the peak of the lunch rush. When you get to the front of the line, don't order lunch, just ask to see the manager. It's even better if you're at a fast food joint that employees people with a limited command of the English language. The employee you talk to, who makes a good sandwich in a New York minute and operates a cash register like Jimi Hendrix plays the guitar, locks up trying to understand your question. Eventually a manager, hearing the till imitating the sound of one hand clapping, will walk up front to see what's holding up the line. The final step in this process is to ask a really lame question like can the place sponsor a Halloween party for some little kids.

A lesser person would fail this exercise by doing something insane like waiting until the lunch rush is over. Or writing a letter. Or calling the manager early in the mornnig. Ahhh, so many ways to not irritate people and just so little time.

To the woman who did this while standing two people in front of me today: I salute you.

Posted 10/09/2002 08:20:00 AM by Bob
Funny.

If the US cannot act without UN approval, then pass a resolution that gives command of the Armed Forces to Kofi Annan and start whistling “Hail to the Chiefs” when the Syrian delegation take their seats.

The more these people whine about the need for UN blessing, the more I wonder whether they wouldn’t vote yes to a UN-levied tax on American paychecks - why, our “go-it-alone” tax policy must be enflaming the world, to say nothing of our “go-it-alone” highway system. And of our “go-it-alone” Apollo program in the 60s, well, the less said the better. Did we get a permission slip to leave earth and plant a unilateral boot on the Moon’s virgin soil? I don’t remember.

(James Lileks)

Posted 10/07/2002 08:06:00 AM by Bob
Ever used cheat codes when playing Doom? Ever think that your car might have cheat codes? Here's one.

Posted 10/04/2002 02:29:00 PM by Bob
My younger son’s soccer season ended last night. The outcome was one only a European could love: a low scoring tie. But hey, a tie doesn’t fall under the loss column which means they only lost one game all season.

The other coach and I passed out the trophies. Every player in this league gets one. A hundred or so boys left the soccer fields last night and barely a blade of grass was trampled as they were all walking on air. That’s the power of a trophy to a six-year-old.

My older son still has a few more games. I’m not sure tonight’s will be held or not. It’s been raining all day and right now some of the fields are better suited for water polo instead of soccer.

The end of the season brings me some relief. Soccer four or five nights a week is tiring. With late afternoons filled with sports, the kids’ homework doesn’t start until later in the evening.

Homework stinks. I remember thinking in junior high how nice it will be when got older and wouldn’t have any more homework. Well, I don’t have my own homework, but the boys do. I run back and forth between the kitchen table and the dining room table helping or correcting them.

One important thing these two are learning is how much I value my time after homework is done. I want to relax and read or watch TV. And if two boys are yelling, screaming or fighting, the quickest solution to that problem is sleep (them, not me). Forget mediation and negotiation. Three little words speak volumes when I’m tired: Go to Bed.

How’s this for a homework question: Which of the following are mutually exclusive? A) Fighting and getting sent to bed. B) Getting ready for bed nicely. C) Watching a little bit of TV: (A and C) or (B and C).

Never underestimate the allure of 30 minutes of the Cartoon Network.

Posted 10/03/2002 09:50:00 AM by Bob
After reading IMAO's post about the New Jersey Senate race I just can't help but think of the Sylvester McMonkey McBean and bellies and stars, with or without.

Posted 10/03/2002 08:28:00 AM by Bob
The meaning of "forever" in my household now has a concrete measurement of time assigned to it. If dinner is taking too long to cook, my wife hears a young voice whine, "This is taking forever." If I'm driving somewhere, and we haven't already arrived, another young voice opines that car rides "take forever."

The children's dentist told them that they should be brushing their teeth for two full minutes each time they brush. While going down the bedtime checklist last night, we get to teeth brushing. This is number 4,527 on the nightly list, or so you'd think if you watched my kids. They'd probably see a 747 captain's job as a piece of cake, compared with the nightly drudgery I put them through. Good grief, I make them brush their teeth and take a bath.

So the younger child, who was missing out on some really good cartoons, was reminded to brush for two minutes he hollered, "That's gonna take forever!"

Posted 10/03/2002 08:19:00 AM by Bob
If Paul Wellstone's friends all told him to jump off a bridge would he do it? Probably. What others think is important to him.

(Mpls. Star Tribune) WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sen. Paul Wellstone said Wednesday that he is ready to vote against any plan to allow the United States to launch unilateral strikes against Iraq, but he indicated that he would support the use of force if it's approved by the United Nations.

"I do not believe we should do it alone," said Wellstone, D-Minn.

Posted 10/01/2002 08:24:00 AM by Bob
Pray, and God will help make you rich. (Via Overlawyered)

(Sydney Morning Herald) Loraine Daly arrived at church armed with her faith. But that faith proved to be misplaced when the spirit of the Lord entered her body and she hit the floor. And there was nobody there to save her.

Now Ms Daly, 40, is suing the Assemblies of God-affiliated Waterloo church, the Sydney Christian Life Centre, arguing that the church breached its duty of care that Sunday - August 8, 1996.

Ms Daly, of West Como, is claiming up to $750,000 in damages, including future loss of earnings, telling the NSW District Court she suffered brain damage from the fall, leaving her with disabilities including headaches, nausea, memory loss, impaired concentration and a feeling of vagueness.

Wouldn't it have been less painful to pray for winning lottery numbers?

Posted 9/30/2002 12:39:00 PM by Bob
Everyone loves a participant.

The 2002 Twin Cities Marathon was run yesterday. Today, the Minneapolis Star Tribune has a special section devoted to the marathon. There are three small pictures at the top; each one is 1-3/4 by 2-1/2 inches big. They are photos of the men's U.S./overall champion (time 2 hours, 11 minutes), the women's overall champion (2:29) and the women's U.S. champion (2:36). (There isn't a category for a non-gender specific, overall champion).

Below these three pictures is a 7-1/2 by 13-1/2 inch photo of one of the marathon's other participants, named Lisa, whose finishing time was 5:14 (2,195th place overall among women). Add the top two women finishers’ times together and you still don't get Lisa's finishing time. Yet she get's the big picture on the front of the section.

Trophies for everyone!

Posted 9/28/2002 08:40:00 AM by Bob
Sadly, there isn't a single Randy Moss article on the front page of the Minneapolis Star Tribune today.

However, there is some good news on the front page of that paper. Minnesota Governor, Jesse (The Body) Ventura put to rest a 39 year-old mystery. Ventura has been visiting Cuba this week. Ventura asked dictator Fidel Castro if he had anything to do with the JFK assassination. Castro's answer: No. Conspiracy buffs will have to focus their energy somewhere else now.

(Star Tribune) HAVANA -- Gov. Jesse Ventura accomplished one of the missions of his trip to Cuba on Friday, obtaining from Fidel Castro an absolute denial of the Cuban leader's alleged involvement in the 1963 assassination of President John F. Kennedy.

Ventura raised the JFK assassination with the Cuban president during an hourlong meeting, which the governor described as a "private" and friendly encounter that focused more on Ventura's past as a professional wrestler than on trade or politics.

As he had vowed to do before he left for Cuba -- and before he even knew whether he would get an audience with the Cuban leader -- Ventura prodded Castro on a topic that has long fascinated conspiracy buffs.

"The only thing I will say on that subject is he said to me, 'We would never be so crazy to do something like that,' " Ventura recounted. "I agree with him. Why would they? That would be suicide for the country of Cuba."

With this mystery definitively solved, I have an idea for another mission for Ventura. Another dictator is rumored to be hiding weapons of mass destruction. Gov. Ventura, a former Navy SEAL, could ask Saddam if he's hiding any weapons. Who knew it could be so easy?

Castro might consider threatening millions and millions of U.S. citizens but he would never be "so crazy" to help kill a U.S. president.

Posted 9/27/2002 08:27:00 AM by Bob
Day 3 of All Randy, All The Time. If you need complete coverage of the Randy Moss traffic ticket saga, The Minneapolis Star Tribune won't let you down. On the Strib website today you have your choice of, count 'em, eight more links to Randy stories.

• Public image 'shattered,' says Moss (Note to Randy: breaking something that's already broken doesn't matter.)
  
• Audio: Moss apologizes to team, fans (Note to team, fans: you don't need an apology)
  
• Sid Hartman: Moss says he's not a bad guy (Note to Sid: couldn’t you have tossed in a "close personal friend reference? I feel cheated.)
  
• Text of Moss' statement
  
• Moss incident puts media in feeding frenzy (Page 2, The Earth is Round)
  
• Alexander to start opposite Moss (Who?)
  
• Talk: Is Moss doing the right thing? (Seriously folks, get a life.)
  
• Purple Plus: Patrick Reusse -- Moss exhibits ODD behavior (Purple Plus? This is a plus?)

Is this coverage complete enough for you? Let me ask you this: Do you know what Randy had for dinner while he was in jail? We hear what the condemned get for a final meal; is Randy's meal any less important? Write your Strib readers' representative and complain.

Posted 9/26/2002 12:51:00 PM by Bob
Priorities, as shown by the Minneapolis Star Tribune.

Vikings team member and petulant driver Randy Moss makes an illegal left turn and pushes a traffic control agent with his car. The Strib has links to eight separate articles or sound bites (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8) on its web-site main page, several stories in print (on both the front page and in the sports section) and multi-color diagrams of the street corner where it happened. One print article is 34 inches long. A reporter even contacted public relations professionals and asked what advice they'd give to Moss (that article is another 24 inches long).

In the same newspaper today, on page B3 of the Metro section there's a brief story about a 21-year-old man who was shot in the head outside a Minneapolis restaurant. That story is 12 inches long and includes a black and white photo of one of the investigating police officers poking at a pool of blood. The victim's name is not listed in the article but it doesn't mention why his name is not listed. Did police withhold it? Did the Strib withhold it? Is it unknown? The paper reports the shooting is apparently gang-related.

Which of these two event has a greater impact on the city?

Posted 9/26/2002 09:40:00 AM by Bob
I live in a hick town.

What else explains the Twin Cities’ obsession with Randy Moss’s traffic violation? Moss was driving in downtown Minneapolis and made a right turn while a traffic officer directed him not to.

Moss, being a dunce, continued his turn.

The traffic officer, being a dunce, didn’t have the good sense to just get out of the way. She dug her heels in like Fred Flintstone trying to stop his buggy. She physically tried to stop Moss's car.

She’s not paid to give her life for the smooth flow of downtown traffic. If someone won’t stop, get the hell out of the way and write down the license plate. Or are things different now after 9/11?

Hi, Unstoppable Force, I'd like to intoduce you to Immovable Object.

The force is a Lexus (moving at a blazing 2 MPH). The object consists of a pair of Rocky boots holding on to a paved street and the butt of a traffic officer firmly planted on the hood of said Lexus. Something had to give and a half block later the traffic officer fell off the hood. Lexus should use this in advertising to show the power of such a fine automobile.

And here’s why I live in a hick town. If the U.S. commenced bombing in Iraq yesterday there’s little chance I would have heard about it on my local TV and radio stations whose motto this week could be All Randy, All the Time.

Moss was arrested on suspicion of 2nd degree assault, a felony. Oh, please. Surprisingly, the car was the weapon, not Randy’s thick head. The county attorney’s office had enough common sense to only charge Moss with careless driving and failure to obey a traffic officer, both misdemeanors. Police also found a joint in Moss’s car. Possession of that amount of pot in Minnesota is only a petty misdemeanor.

No word if he’s being ticketed for the pot. Moss's agent said that (choke) the (cough) joint (snort) isn’t (chuckle) Randy’s (uncontrollable laughter).

If Moss had been shirtless this all would have been appropriate for an episode of COPS but nothing else.

Instead, we’re treated to LIVE - TEAM COVERAGE by our local newsies. There was a news crew at the intersection where the violation occurred. There was a news crew at the jail which hosted Moss overnight. There was a news crew at the Vikings headquarters. There was even a news crew at the house of the traffic officer even though she wasn’t home at the time.

Moss, being the chowder head that he is, plans to hold a news conference today. At least one local TV station is going to carry the event LIVE!

No word yet on how much the traffic officer will surely sue Moss for.

Posted 9/25/2002 05:16:00 PM by Bob
My wife just brought home some candy bars. Specifically, "fun size" Mars bars.

What the hell is so fun about a quarter-ounce candy bar? Maybe if you get your kicks from unwrapping chocolate then this just might be the ticket for you. But if I want to eat a candy bar I really have no desire to unwrap it sixteen times to get at it.

A candy bar wearing the "fun size" label should not be a chore to eat.

Posted 9/25/2002 11:09:00 AM by Bob
One time where it doesn't bug me hearing about teenagers picking on one of their classmates.

(Channel 4000) The Mendota Heights high school cheerleader who made national headlines in the summer for suing her school district in an effort to retain a captaincy she said was wrongly withheld from her has dropped the suit and quit the squad.

Andrea Warren, 17, quit the Henry Sibley High School cheerleading squad out of frustration following one game amid continued taunts from her teammates, according to her mother.

Warren made national news with her lawsuit, which she brought after her teammates elected her captain but the district stripped her of her title, arguing that she was serving a two-year punishment for possessing alcohol and tobacco.

The district said that her violations were two separate incidents and that each brought the one-year penalty that didn’t allow her to be a cheerleader captain. Warren, who said she hoped to earn a cheerleading scholarship, said the two violations should be treated as one incident, and she should only be penalized for a year.

There is a price to pay for being a jerk and believing you're above the rules.

Posted 9/25/2002 11:02:00 AM by Bob
Man rescued after three months adrift in the Pacific Ocean.

Posted 9/25/2002 07:53:00 AM by Bob
Advertising staff at the LA Weekly want to unionize. That shouldn't be too difficult, given that the paper is regarded as pro-labor, right? Not so fast, Chester. The LA Times reports:

Given the Weekly's unwavering editorial stance as a reportorial champion and unapologetic political ally of organized labor, employees were stunned when the paper's recently appointed publisher, Beth Sestanovich, and her aides deployed every means at their disposal to try to defeat the organizing campaign.

Boy, Beth, it sure isn't fun when it's your own money.

But Sestanovich said, "We believe that when you look at the highly individual and entrepreneurial work of advertising salespeople, union representation just isn't in the interest of those employees.

Mommy says, Trust me, I know what's best for you.


(To read the Times article you have to go through a horrible registration process; to spare you that pain, use user name johndoe and password johndoe to get in.)

Posted 9/25/2002 05:48:00 AM by Bob
Saw an add for a new TV show on ABC last night. It's called MDs. It's a comedy about two doctors who bend the rules. To get more pay? To get extra vacation time? To be able to smoke cigars in the emergency room? To get free samples of Valium and Viagra? Sadly, no.

They'll flout all convention in order to give their patients the very best care. And if that means wearing baseball caps in the operating room, then by golly that's what they'll do.

The ABC web site describes them as "are an iconoclastic duo who buck the system to save lives."

Let me guess, they're so talented that no matter what they do the hospital just won't let them go.

I wonder if they make their own gin.

Posted 9/25/2002 05:41:00 AM by Bob
Updated Smarter Harper's Index.

Posted 9/24/2002 07:41:00 PM by Bob
Soccer tonight, along with some cold, cold rain. Our little fellows, smarting from defeat last Thursday decided not to take any chances. They played like a well oiled machine. And won, 11 - 0. If they've learned any lessons, they'll win their next game. But if this one goes to their heads, next Thursday will be quite sobering.

Posted 9/24/2002 07:34:00 PM by Bob
How do you react to when the national alert changes from orange to yellow? Here's one idea, via IMAO:

Yellow Is Good, Right?
We have now returned to yellow alert. I guess I'll go back to leaving the saftey on when I carry my gun.

Posted 9/24/2002 07:34:00 AM by Bob
Why the Nigerian e-mail scam won't die: people actually fall for it.

Posted 9/23/2002 12:33:00 PM by Bob
France...military action...protect foreigners...ERROR!...does...not...compute...

ABIDJAN, Ivory Coast (Fox) — Rebels boasted of their firepower, government troops crept up on them for an attack and French soldiers rolled into the countryside to protect foreigners, as Ivory Coast geared up for a showdown in its bloodiest-ever uprising.

Did anyone hear if France asked for U.S. or U.N. approval?

Posted 9/23/2002 12:10:00 PM by Bob
Almost everyone loves a rat? Maybe in Australia.

SYDNEY (Reuters) - An Australian court fined three people A$375 ($206) Monday for abandoning a pet rat named Rosy.

Animal rights campaigners in the eastern state of Queensland were delighted with the fine and dozens of people had offered to take in Rosy the albino rat, which was dumped in a cage by the side of the road, local media reported.

Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals inspector Gary Langford told reporters outside the magistrates court in Mackay, a small town in northern Queensland, that he had received at least 40 offers to give Rosy a home.

I have some bees in a tree and some ants in my garage that they can have. It won't much longer until we have our first freeze of the season so they'd better hurry up if they want to help.

Posted 9/20/2002 08:00:00 AM by Bob
Joe Soucheray, on his newspaper's editorial whining about the Twins spraying champagne to celebrate winning their division:

Every once in a while, what sounds like a fire alarm goes off in this building, and staff members flee to the street. No need. It is just the signal that editorial departments use when they discover that somebody, somewhere, is enjoying life outside the boundaries of editorially approved behavior.

Posted 9/20/2002 07:41:00 AM by Bob
A lesson in humility, or why I'm not sad my kid's team lost a game.

Last night my younger son's mite soccer team (Morocco) played the team (Holland) they faced in the opening game of the season. In that game Morocco won, 4-0, thoroughly raising the boys' self esteem and egos.

So we had a few peacocks strutting around the field during pre-game warm-ups. When a few of our boys saw the red Jerseys of the Holland team they started to congratulate themselves for winning a game that had not yet begun. Even my own son complained about having to play against such an "easy team."

Final score: Holland - 5, Morocco - 1. Tears of defeat probably sting a little more when they're washing away a thick coating of arrogance.

Posted 9/19/2002 09:44:00 AM by Bob
Via Little Green Footballs, here's Bin Laden's declaration of war against Americans, dated February 23, 1998. Excerpt:

...we issue the following fatwa to all Muslims:

The ruling to kill the Americans and their allies -- civilians and military -- is an individual duty for every Muslim who can do it in any country in which it is possible to do it, in order to liberate the al-Aqsa Mosque and the holy mosque [Mecca] from their grip, and in order for their armies to move out of all the lands of Islam, defeated and unable to threaten any Muslim. This is in accordance with the words of Almighty Allah, "and fight the pagans all together as they fight you all together," and "fight them until there is no more tumult or oppression, and there prevail justice and faith in Allah."

1998, folks.

Posted 9/18/2002 05:49:00 AM by Bob
I was the referee for my younger son's soccer game last night. One team has to provide a referee.

Keep in mind these are six year olds.

Do we play to win? Well, sure, otherwise we could just forfeit every game. Do we play to have fun? Yes, that's exactly why. I know it, my co-coach knows it and so do all the kids on both teams. Last night the only person who didn't know this was the coach on the other team. He was screaming at his team and threatening them with time on the bench if they didn't play their positions correctly. He was quite the SOB. Then he started making comments behind my back because he didn't like how the game was being called. They're kids! You blow the whistle when a kid touches the ball with his hands. That's really about it. Off-sides, by athletic association rules, isn't even against the rules, mainly because it's too difficult for little kids to understand.

The other coach could only make comments when I wasn't looking. He didn't understand some of the rules either and complained when I didn't blow the whistle for some imagined infraction. I finally went over and talked to him. Like all bullies, he was a little surprised to have anyone confront him. I told him he was wrong about a particular rule and I wouldn't be blowing the whistle as he hoped. He quickly said, "Have you ever played soccer" and then like most bullies confronted, turned and walked away.

Do we play for fun? Yep. Do we play to win? Sure. Did it feel really good to win last night? Oh boy, yes it did.